The social media black-out experiment

 

Once upon a time in my life I suffered from depression. I didn't know what it was until well after I was on the other side of it. I just thought I was in a funk- for 8 months. I figured the feelings of loneliness and hopelessness was just a part of life and it would pass. I tossed away my unexplained weight loss to the fact that I was just busy, but I knew deep down inside something wasn't quite right.

How I got over that hurdle took time, prayer, forgiveness and a whole lotta self reflection. Looking at your true self past all the layers of the person I portray at work or with family and friends is not an easy task. Trying to figure out who I am really and am I happy with this person is daunting at best. I'm also trying not to fall back into those habits of feeling sorry for myself because I failed at something (or a few things) or I get caught up in the "what ifs" of life. 

Because I am a person who is forever making goals and seldom achieving them, I stay in a reparative cycle of happy, then sad. I also have an obsessive obnoxious fear of missing out- on parties, vacations, life in general. I hate that feeling of sitting at home doing nothing while everyone else is out having fun. Don't get it twisted. My life is full and I am extremely blessed. I just know that I wanted more for my life and being reminded of what I didn't get to experience has me all up in my feelings recently so I know I need to take a break. Just because I am a loner doesn't mean I want to forever be alone and it sure doesn't mean that I don't want to be invited. There is a fine line between being alone and being lonely and lucky for me I am observant enough now to know what my triggers are before crossing over that line.

Social media is a blessing and a curse. On one hand, it's how I keep up with my family and friends and it's how I find out about a lot of the social events going on in Detroit. Even the last couple of parties I've gone to were via FB invite. The curse is seeing everybody and their Mama at the concert or on the dream vacation that I couldn't afford to go on. While I'm happy for them, I get angry with myself for not planning my money better or whatever the circumstance may have been to make me miss out. 

I am taking a social media time out to reflect on me, my family, my goals and my own plans for the future and it needs to be unfiltered and untainted by what I see on the internet. I ask myself all the time, how many success stories are you going to see before you create your own? 

How many success stories are you going to see before you create your own?

So here's what I need to figure out: how long will my social media black out be, what sites are included and what's the end game. 

How long: I feel anxious just typing this, but I'm thinking 2 weeks to start. I will allow myself 2 cheat days to just "observe" the upcoming events for 15 min per site. (Yes, I have thought about this is detail.)

What sites are included: Of course Twitter, Facebook and Instagram are included. The site that I'm on the fence about is Pinterest. Although I use it for inspiration, it too can suck time out of my day because I become obsessed with starting new projects.

What's the end game: I need to hit the reset botton. I feel myself entering dangerous territory in regards to my self-care and well being. My goal is to gain clarity for what I want to accomplish this year and actually put into motion what I need to do instead of getting in my own way.

So here's to my social media black out. Wish me luck.

Wishing you Love, Peace and Soul Deep Beauty,

Rhonda

P.s. With all the extra time I'll have on my hands, you may see more blog posts from me. They automatically upload to my social media sites, so it's not me cheating 🙂.

May is Mental Health Awareness Month- How to Get Help

Mental Health Awareness Month is an opportunity to make people aware of the identification factors and intervention of those who suffer from mental health conditions. According to mentalhealthawareness.net, 1 in 5 American adults will suffer from a mental health condition in any given year, but only 41% will actually get help.

This last post of my 3 part series is going to inform you on how to do self-checks on your mental health and once again tell you how to get help.

There are 10 things you can do for your mental health to self evaluate and try to steer you into a more positive outlook. They are simple steps that should be done consistently in your life to help maintain balance for your mental well being.

1. Rest- As I stated in my last post, 7-8 hours of sleep is the recommended amount an adult needs on average. Living off 5 hours every night is not doing you or those around you any good.

2. Eat well- Eating well balanced meals can not only keep you satisfied, but it will keep you from loading on carbs or sugar, just to crash and burn soon after. You want to keep your energy levels at a constant flow and not dip and dive with each sugar rush.

3. Exercise- Keeping yourself moving and in motion is good for your body and your emotional well being because of all those natural, feel good endorphins that kick in along with it.

4. Journal- Write about the good things you have going on, have a gratitude journal and re-read those entries when things start to get a little tough in your life. You will realize that staying positive instead of focosing on the negative is a good habit to have.

5. Get up and Get out- Don't stay secluded to yourself all the time. It's good to go out with friends and family, even if only for a couple of hours. Have fun and enjoy each others company.

6. Meditation and Prayer- Making time for meditation and prayer should definitely be a priority. Whether through practices like yoga, or religious beliefs, the benefits are so far greater than can be explained.

7. Do what makes you feel good- As long as you aren't causing any harm to yourself or others, do what makes you happy. Eat, dance, laugh, play or whatever puts a smile on your face.

8. Learn your triggers- If there is something that causes you to be in a funky mood all the time, it may be time to change that situation. Get a new job, move out of that neighborhood and stay off of social media if they're causing you more harm than good.

9. Watch your circle- And the same thing goes for the people in your life. If there are people who transfer their negative emotions to you and are full of nothing but bad vibes, then maybe you need to limit your time with them or throw up deuces on them all together.

10. Seek a therapist- There are some circumstances where our emotions are so scrambled that we can't get it together on our own and there is nothing wrong with seeking professional help. There are people who have dedicated their lives to helping those in need of help, so don't be ashemed of taking advantage of their expertise. It could be the difference between a well balanced life and one of detriment and emotional torture.

There are sites like mentalhealthamerica.net or crisiscallcenter.org that have been created for such a purpose. You can take online assessments, get in contact with centers and counsellors in your area and learn about mental health issues ranging from depression, bipolar disorder and post traumatic stress disorder.

There are is also the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (800) 273- TALK/ (800) 273- 8255 for immediate help 24/7.

They say when you know better, you do better so hopefully these posts have helped you get a better understanding on mental health and why it is so important.

Wishing you Love, Peace and Soul Deep Beauty,

Rhonda

May is Mental Health Awareness Month- Knowing the Signs

Mental Health Awareness Month is an opportunity to make people aware of the identification factors and intervention of those who suffer from mental health conditions. According to mentalhealthawareness.net, 1 in 5 American adults will suffer from a mental health condition in any given year, but only 41% will actually get help.

This is Part 2 of my 3 part series about mental health. I hope you saw last weeks post about my own personal story with dealing with depression. I never shared my feelings with people before now because one, I'm not really an emotion type of person. Two, I didn't realize what it was until some time later. And lastly, there is a stigma, especially in the black community about being depressed or other mental issues. People aren't very opened minded about mental health and think that these issues aren't that important and can be just prayed away. As a community, we need to open our eyes and realize that depression is not a weakness or a lack of enthusiasm, it is a deeply rooted condition that can and does destroy lives everyday.

So how do you tell the difference between just being sad about something and depression? Depression is defined as a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest. And in doing research, I found that there are 10 common signs that could signify that someone is depressed. They may not have all of these symptoms, but if they suffer from a few of them and they are persistent and on-going, there may be a need to seek out professional help.

1. Having a feeling of hopelessness- When you feel like there is never going to be an end to this sad state of being, or a situation that you may be going through and that nothing is going to get better.

2. Irritability- When any and everything gets on your last nerve, and for no good reason. Everything just puts you in a bad mood.

3. A change in appetite- Some people gain weight from overeating comfort foods, while others loose weight from loss of appetite. However your body reacts to stress is going to show in your weight.

4. Anhedonia- This clinical term just means that things that used to make you happy no longer give you joy. People can loose interest in friends, work, hobbies and sometimes foods and sexual activity when they are depressed.

5. Aches and Pains- Frequent unexplained headaches or aches and pains could be the way that your body is reacting to stress or depression.

6. Changed sleeping patterns- Some people can't sleep while others sleep too much. The Mayo Clinic says that the average amount of sleep an adult needs is 7-8 hours. Any more or less on a consistent basis should be payed real close attention to.

7. Lack of energy- We all get tired, but staying tired all day, everyday is a sure tell sign that something is wrong.

8. Unable to concentrate- When you just can't seem to keep your attention on something and you feel scatterbrained and are also forgetting things all the time.

9. Feelings of worthlessness- While feelings of hopelessness are about a situation, feelings of worthlessness is how you feel about yourself. Having low self-esteem, self hatred or any derogatory feelings about yourself is very damaging.

10. Suicidal Thoughts- I don't need to explain the seriousness of this symptom, but I can also add to this, that symptom- having feelings of hurting yourself or others. This is a very dangerous place to exist and anyone who feels like this should seek help right away.

Again, if you or someone you know has some of these symptoms, they persist for a long period of time and start to interfere with everyday life, please seek out professional help.

For additional information or to seek help: mentalhealthawareness.net or crisiscallcenter.org
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (800) 273- TALK/ (800) 273- 8255

Wishing you Love, Peace and Soul Deep Beauty,
Rhonda

May is Mental Health Awareness Month- My Personal Story

Mental Health Awareness Month is an opportunity to make people aware of the identification factors and intervention tools for those who suffer from mental health conditions. According to mentalhealthawareness.net, 1 in 5 American adults will suffer from a mental health condition in any given year, but only 41% will actually get help.

This is part 1 of a 3 part series I'm doing this month about mental health. I originally thought about writing a post about mental health and depression back in December when I heard the news about natural hair company Miss Jessie's co-founder Titi Branch died by suicide. It reminded me that no matter what incredible thing is happening in someones life, no one knows what's really going on at home. I thought she had it all: she was a beautiful and smart lady, she ran a successful business with her sister and it seemed that there brand was all about self confidence and embracing the natural you thru your curls. But, obviously there was something deeper that burdened her.

It's not something that I talk about, and actually the only person that really knows I was going thru something at that time was my husband, who was then my boyfriend. During my first year of college I went thru a period of depression. I had a real hard time adjusting to college life- I cried all the time, I was lonely and I lost weight- enough that per my mom, my grandmother wanted to pull me out of school. I had never been a person who couldn't make friends, but I just felt lonely. And no shade to my friends and family but my interpretation of their support was lacking. I wound up coming home almost every weekend because I just couldn't stand the isolation. I don't know what shifted and took me from being my normally head strong and confident self.

I kept my depressive state mostly to myself because it wasn't anything that I felt was clinical. I was still able to go about my daily grind, but it was after my classes, after whatever rehearsal or meeting I had and in those night hours of solitude that I had lonely moments. I did go to a dark place and it was hard for me to think positive. I wondered what's the point of all this if I have to do it alone. 

My saving grace was that I was in activities on campus that kept me focused on the good things in life. I was able to help plan events for our school through the activities committee and I increased my faith while singing in the gospel choir. I had to learn to love me first so that I can be available to receive love from others.

Unfortunately, I did go through this again in more recent years. The last time I felt this way was after my 30th birthday. I felt like I was living somebody else's life and I was questioning all the decisions I had made in my life.  I was the mother of two small children, my marriage was holding on by a thread, my business was not doing well and there were some days where I just couldn't even get out of bed. I felt like there would be no end to my misery, I once again felt lonely and overwhelmed and unappreciated. And like always I went on like nothing was wrong. 

So what did I do? Eventually, I seeked out help. I once again joined a choir and became a faithful member of my church, my husband and I received marriage counseling and even though I did wind up closing my business, at least I can say I had one. For me, it was just about forward movement and keeping this thing called life going, no matter what road blocks came. I also had to learn that if I let the actions, or in-actions of those around me dictate how I felt, then my self- worth wasn't where it needed to be. It all starts and ends with me.

For help, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at (800) 273-8255 or go to crisiscallcenter.org.

Wishing you Love, Peace and Soul Deep Beauty,
Rhonda