What is your problem with my natural hair?

I have been natural since 2005, and have been wearing my natural texture "full time" since 2010. And even though I have had much success and favor when it comes to my style and how my hair fits me, I did run into some backlash every now and then from people who did not understand why I would wear my hair like this. 

 

In the early stages of my natural hair journey, I offered no explanation because my mouth wasn't fully saved yet and I didn't have words that would not offend peoples ignorance. But, in recent years I have learned how to explain that I feel relaxing my hair is not necessary. Up until 2005, I only relaxed my front edges and the nape of my neck, better known as "the kitchen" twice a year. And up until 2010, I would wear what is now known as a twist out via flat twisting my hair between that hard press my beautician would lay. I also found, through getting my esthetician license, the purpose and effectiveness of product absorption thru the hair folicles and I know that relaxers are not something I want absorbed into my body. 

I also decided that I was done fighting with my hair and I was going to let it do what it do without me having to press and flat iron every two weeks. That's not to say that I just get up and go. True naturalistas know that this natural hair thing is not for the weak at heart. There is also a misconception that natural hair is unkept or dirty, but I promise you, any natural you know washes her hair on the regular and is trying every twist out and updo she sees. Our hands are in our heads manipulating our hair daily, unless in a protective style.

So when I hear about my natural hair sisters being harassed at school or on their jobs, it upsets me. For a black female to be told she can't wear her hair the way it naturally grows out of her head is ridiculous. I've heard of this hair hate during slavery, when they were forced to wear head scarves to discourage them from wearing braids from their culture, or to make them feel inferior because their hair was thick and wooly. But, this is 2017. Why does my hair still threaten you?

When little black girls are told that the way the hair grows out of their heads is wrong, or a distraction, I have an issue with that. When a grown black woman is told that her natural hair is not professional, I have an issue with that. When any textured hair individual is ridiculed by their own people of color, it's a problem and it shows how deeply rooted hair hate is. But, when today's melanin challenged celebrities wear these same hair styles, it's trendy. The issues I have with this are many.

Luckily, when it comes to the acceptance of natural hair, there are others who feel the same way and they have decided to take a stand on this ignorant, failed undercover attempt at hair hate. 

•Last year a natural hair ban was lifted at a Kentucky school after parents and students protested against it.

•A school in Florida had to re-write their dress code after parents became outraged by the ban on "dread like hair", which exposed a straight A, sixteen year old student with course hair.

•Parents were also outraged when two sisters were banned from prom and given detention daily for refusing to remove their braids at a Massachusetts high school. According to reports, they marched all black students down to the office daily for hair checks, where students were asked if the braids they wore were their real hair or extensions.  Which begs the question, if you can't tell, why does it matter. 

•That school was ordered by the Anti-Defemation League and the state's Attorney General to stop the harassment of these black and mixed race kids.

With it now being legal for employers to discriminate against dread loc'ed individuals, the fight for natural hair in the workplace is becoming more frequent. If you are having issues with rocking your natural at work, there is a resource for you.  This book written by LA attorney, Tracy Sanders titled, "Natural Hair in the Workplace: What Are Your Rights?" I haven't ordere it yet, but I plan on it as you can tell by my saved Amazon picture.

 

For decades society has constantly tried to tell us that our natural hair wasn't pretty. That we needed to cover it up, wear a wig, weave it up, relax it, press it, anything but wear it the way it grows out of our heads. When women started wearing fros in the 60's, they were seen as rebels and trouble makers. That's why several years ago when the natural hair community started growing at expenetal rates, the movement couldn't be stopped. Natural women across the globe started telling their friends, family, boyfriends, bosses and society to go have a stadium full of seats if they had something to say about their hair. 

Now don't get it twisted, I believe in the change up and I love me a cute wig or Yonce' weave every now and then. But, when I just want to be me in all my natural, happy I'm nappy glory, I don't want to be ridiculed for loving my hair the way that it grows. Be free queen. 

That's my two cents. What's yours?

Wishing you Love, Peace and Soul Deep Beauty,

Rhonda 

Girl, let it go

 

When I tell y'all that God has been working on me the past few week-ends, I mean it. I feel physically and mentally drained from fighting against myself. But, since  I am absolutely sure that there's a blessing in the pressing I will continue to press on. 

Here's a little back ground. For the past few months my husband and I have been arguing like clockwork every Friday evening and basically ruining the whole weekend for everybody. I mean, it had been without fail. If we managed to slide thru Friday night unharmed, Saturday morning had something waiting on us. Why? Who knows. What would we argue about? Everyhing. Was it worth arguing about? Of course not. I remember one day being all hot and bothered and was waiting for him to come back home so I could give him a piece of my mind and for the life of me I couldn't even remember what I was originally mad about. That's when I realized it wasn't nothing but the devil.

I live for the weekends, especially Friday's and Saturday's because those would be our date nights. But, who wants to spend quality time with someone they arguing with? Not I. 

Lucky for me, I stumbled upon a book that was featured on the Bible app and it has been opening my eyes to the myths that we think are true about marriage and how to come to terms with dispelling them.

In addition to that, my church has started their Fight For The Family teachings again and they had a couple come in and tell their story at bible study. Listening to their story, I left really inspired to make my marriage work. Now, we are and always will be on #TeamStayTogether, but I had kind of excepted our relationship the way it was. In all transparency, sometimes it was just miserable. 

So I made the decision to just let it go. This is a hard thing for me y'all. I can not- not say what I am feeling. I tried it, it don't work. I am adult enough to admit that the reason why it doesn't work most of the time is because I'm not just trying to make a point, I'm trying to make THE point of all points in time. Ok, there I said it. But, I was determined to pass the test this time. 

I will admit, I failed the first time though. Long story short my husband popped a pimple on my sons forehead. Fact #1. This was his first pimple. Fact #2. I bought him a whole skin care line of stuff to start taking care of his face because I saw it coming. Why? Fact #3. I am a licensed skin care professional, hence the blog and former business. So I felt a certain kind of way about it. And in true Rhonda fashion I had to address it. That conversation went something like this:

Me: Why you do that to his face? You could have asked me about it first.

 

Him: If I want to pop a pimple on my son face, I'm gone pop a pimple on his face

 

.

Me: .....

 

Him: .....

 

After a 20 minute discussion, we finally concluded that all I was asking for was a little communication. 

If you come to a peaceful conclusion, that's called winning. Lol.

 

Most of the time when an argument happens over something so small and trivial, it's usually about a deeper situation. This one happened to be about the lack of communication, but instead of me going from zero to 100, I've been asking myself what I'm really mad about and if it's really worth the argument. 

I'm still a work in progress. Pray for me, y'all. 

What is something you struggle with in your marriage?

Wishing you Love, Peace and Soul Deep Beauty, 

Rhonda

My Myers Briggs personality type

 

A few weeks ago I was obsessing on Pinterest like I often do, and I stumbled across a pin that talked about the Myers Briggs personality types and I was intrigued. I read about a few of the types and it didn't take me long to do a self analysis and figure out which one fit me.   

It was developed as a way to see how people perceive the world and make decisions. It is often used as a team building or self improvement excersise and since

I always to consider myself a work in progress, I decided to give it a go. 

So there are countless amounts of free online tests that you can take, just ask my homegirl Google (yes, she's a female cause we women know everything.) But, I decided to just answer based on the information I saw. 

There are 4 parts to it. The first part is about your interaction with the world: Do you consider yourself to be an introvert or an extrevert? Introverts prefer to work alone or in small groups, where as extroverts love to be around a lot of people.

Introverts also focus on their thoughts, or inner world more. 

Introverts chose- I. Extroverts choose- E.

Part 2 is about how you absorb information. Intuitives can gather imformation, interpret with meanings and give it many possibilities. Sensory people use fact and details and see it as common sense.

Intives choose- N. Sensory choose- S.

Part 3 is about how you make decisions. Feelers make decisions based on how they feel. Thinkers make decisions based on logic. 

Feelers choose- F. Thinkers choose- C.

Part 4 relates to structure. Judgers tend to be organized and results orientated. Perceivers are multi taskers  and like to keep their options open. 

Judgers choose- J. Perceivers choose- P.

There are 16 available personality types and I determined that I am an INTP personality with the cheat sheet below. 

 
Nicknamed "The Professor", INTP's are inventive thinkers that thrive on being creative and unique. They make up only 3% of the population, according to my research and they are known for being honest, direct and intelectually curious. On the flip side, they are are also known as withdrawn, emotionally detached, and tend to second guess themselves so much that most of their projects never see the light of day.

Here are some other traits that INTP's have:

• Quiet and contained
• Analytical 
• Laid back
• Imaginative
• Explosive 
• Distrusting of others 
• Happier as freelancers and entrepreneur 

Oh my gosh, this is me. I had always wondered why I  would research something into the ground, come up with a good idea and then never follow thru. Or why I can pick out a lie with facts and details pulled and filed from previous conversations. Or why I have that "I got nothing" look whenever I'm put in a situation that would normally require emotions. It all makes sense to me now.

Of course, not all the descriptions are completely accurate, but it's interesting to know that there is a method to the madness. If you would like to learn about you personality type, please click here for more info. 

That's my personality type, what's yours?

Wishing you Love, Peace and Soul Deep Beauty,

Rhonda 

How to set goals and achieve them

 

It's May and we are almost at the mid way part of the year. When I think about the goals I set for myself and my family, I'm glad that I've accomplished a good portion of what I set out to do. I may have fallen by the wayside on some things, but the good news is, I still have time- and so do you.

I am a list maker. It is an obnoxious, yet necessary habit that I've had probably since college.  If I have to run errands, there's a list of places I need to go. I keep my my bi-monthly budget handy in list format in one of my many journals. And I dare not go to the grocery store without my list and meal plans for the week. My purse and journals are full of sticky notes with illegible words scrambled on them. List's make me feel organized and keep me on tract despite my self-inflicted distractions.

My list making is not only for errands, I feel that making lists of life goals are important as well. Whether it's something I want to do next week or next year, when I write it down, it makes it concrete. It makes it more than just something I said and turns it into an actual goal.  And when I break it down into attainable steps, it makes it easier to achieve, instead of this thing that is just looming out in the atmosphere. As they say, a goal without a plan is just a wish. So let me give you some real simple tips on how to set goals and actually achieve them.

Step 1: Figure out what you want and write it down.
Have you every had that "what do you want to eat conversation?" You know that your hungry, but don't know what you're hungry for. It seems simple, but sometimes we just don't know what we want in life. Just sit for awhile and think about the things that would improve your quality of life. Do you want a new job, or to lose weigh tor take that family vacation? Do you want to change your financial status or go back to school? No matter what it is, big or small, write it down. Whether it's something that you feel is attainable or is a one in a million chance of happening. Just by you writing it down, you are starting the process of the law of attraction. Those things that you put out in the atmosphere will be drawn to you.

Step 2: Break it down.
When I looked at my list of goals, I couldn't let it overwhelm me. One of the items on my list was to get in better shape. I know that I wasn't going to magically wake up and be several pounds down. There was going to have to be not only a plan involved, but some effort and sweat equity. So I had to break it down to baby steps. It looked something like this.

Get in shape!

1. Clean Eating- at least 80% of the time

      a. Cook more, no buying food at work
b. Take-out only on week-ends

2. Work out

a. Mon, Thurs, Sat

b. Cardio, weight train, yoga, dance

3. Less stress

a. Take time to read and meditate

b. Weekly facial or bougie bath on Sundays 

So after I practiced one step, I went on to the other. It didn't matter that it took me probably four months of eating better before I started working out. As long as I did it. Which brings me to the next step.

Step 3: Be consistent.

This is the part that most people struggle with. It's cool when you first start out and you're excited and on a mission, and then out of no where the magic fades and you don't feel as enthusiastic as you did when you first started out. So you slow down a bit, and casually make your way thru life and the next thing you know, you don't even actively work on your goal anymore. So this is where you have to be intentional about creating a good habit in your life. I read somewhere that it takes 21 days to make or break a habit, so when I am trying to create good habits in my life, I trick myself into being addicted to that thing for 21 days in hopes that it sticks and stays in my way of life.  

Step 4: Reward yourself along the way.
Who says your hard work and effort has to go un-rewarded? Little victories should always be celebrated, if only to keep you motivated for the next celebration. Not that I needed outside approval to verify that my weight loss journey was working, but when people started to notice the change, I treated myself to some more weight loss equipment, I bought two yoga balls (different sizes) and some thigh slimmers for the #NoThunderThighs movement.

Step 5: Be okay with setbacks.
Of course, my plan to workout 3 times a week didn't always happen. There is always something going on in my life, so maybe I skipped a workout due to a choir rehearsal, or I had to take my kids somewhere, or maybe I just was too tired. It's okay if it doesn't go exactly as planned, the important thing is to get it together once things get back to normal.

The time is now to get out of your comfort zone. How can you see who you were destined to be if you're not willing to push yourself past your self-induced limits. Get it together, write it down and make it plain. I got yo back and I believe that you can do anything that you set your mind to.

Wishing you Love, Peace and Soul Deep Beauty,
Rhonda 

The Redden Report- Last Minute Mother's Day Gifts

So Mother's Day is this Sunday and if you have not gotten your mother or that special mother figure in your life a gift yet, shame on you you still have time. And I am going to do you a favor and give you some ideas for the special lady in your life whether it is your wife, sister, mom or grandmother that you are looking to buy gifts for. Not to knock the gas station flower and balloon entrepreneurs, but it's time to step our game up in 2017.

So here are a few ideas for that mother in your life.

Make-up Loving Mom- If the mother you know has the gift of looking flawless despite her somewhat hectic life, she may love the following gifts.

1. Urban Decay Full Spectrum Palette- $32, Limited Edition @ Sephora
The colors are cute and the price is right. I would snatch this limited edition palette up real quick before it's no longer available.
2. Foreo Luna play- $39 @ Sephora
This textured silicone cleansing devise sends sonic waves to enhance deep pore cleansing. But, be warned, this is the non-rechargeable price point that estimates 100 uses. The chargeable Luna starts at $100.
3. Philosophy Cleanse, Refine and Renew Kit- $75 @ Ulta
With this cleanser, two step peel and award winning moisturizer, you can't go wrong.

Laid Back Mom- The mom we all aspire to be.

1. Mom- Yellow Bath Bomb- $7.95 @ Lush
As a bougie bath taker, I love bath bombs of any kind. This one from Lush with the scent of rose and lemon is heavenly.
2. Umbra Aquala Bathtb Caddy- $39 @ JCPenny
I like the fact that this caddy is adjustable, has built in book holder and a built in wine glass holder. And there is a perfect spot to hold a candle.
3. Audible Subscription - $14.95/month @ audible.com
When's the last time you saw a mom actually have time to sit and read a book? Well, with Audible she has the opportunity to use her multitasking skills and listen to a best seller during her commute, or during bath time.

Tech Savy Mom- For the moms who love electronics just as much as the next guy.

1. Harman Kardon Wireless Speaker- $159.95 @ Amazon
This portable speaker is so cool. Whether you have it in the kitchen while cooking or in the yard while tending to your garden, mom is sure to love the portability and the sound.
2. Universal Wireless Charging Pad- $49.99 @ Belkin
Messing around with chords are a thing of the past when you have this. It's simple and convenient.
3. Fitbit Blaze- $149.95 @ Amazon 
For the health conscious mom who wants to tack daily activities in style.

Fashionable Mom- For the mom who can keep it all together and look cute at the same time.

1. Gisela Layered Choker- $16 @ Charming Charlie
This necklace combines the choker, layered and body chain trend all in one. And you can't beat the price.
2. Boc by Born Bucket Crossbody Bag- $24.99 @ TJ Maxx
This crossbody bag is "almost gone" according to their website and I see why, it's super cute.
3. Jennifer Lopez Embroidered Bomber Jacket- $51.99 @ Kohl's
Bomber jacket plus embroidered flower pattern equals on trend cuteness.

Creative or Adventurous Mom- For the mom who keeps her children busy by signing them up in every art, sport and music activity because she knew the importance of a well rounded child. *Note, these places are in the Southeast Michigan area, but I'm sure there are places similar in every metropolitan area.

1. Painting Party- $35 or $45 for a painting session @ Painting With a Twist
Take a couple of moms, add in a little artistic fun and a glass of wine to get those creative juices flowing and you've got a fun night ahead.
2. Ziplining- $48 @ The Adventure Park
Nothing like some fresh air, exercise and adventure to put a smile on mom's face.
3. A fondue dinner- $$$ @ The Melting Pot
A four course meal, melted cheese, chocolate, optional wine. Need I say more?

The Sentimental Mom- For the mom who saves every card and noodle necklace.

1. Homemade or printable cards- Free or $ @ Etsy.com
What mother wouldn't want a card made with love?
2. A heartfelt letter- Free
Tell that mom in your life what makes her special. She's sure to grin from ear to ear.
3. Personalized gifts, like the Large Photo Treat Jar - $39.99 @ Personal Creations

No matter what the cost, I hope you were inspired by this post to get that mother figure in your life a special gift or token to show just how much she means to you.

Do you have a special gift idea? Please share.

Forever loving my B.A.D.D. Kids,
Rhonda

Under attack in my own home

 

My family is under attack.  We were busy living our lives and we ignored the signs. Deep down I knew it would happen eventually, but not to this magnitude. All I remember about the day it started are the screams, the terror and the fear. It was on a bright Tuesday morning that we realized that our peace of mind was being challenged and our lives would never be the same. It was on this day that spiders tried to overtake our home.

Anybody who knows me, understands my feelings towards bugs of any kind. I hate them. I have a physical reaction of fear whenever I see them and if I had it my way, they all would be dead. We had seen the warning signs: the weather was getting nicer, we were getting exterminator literature in the mail, and the biggest sign of all- we would cross paths with spider webs in our laundry room quite frequently. Maybe it was denial, or maybe I just didn't want to face the fact that we were going to have to one day acknowledge them and either let them take over or hand over the money to get the house sprayed. 

It really started Monday night when a huge black ant was crawling all over the top of my dresser. He was moving really fast over my books I had lined up in the storage compartment. I called my husband in to "take care of him", and he did, while also looking to see if any of his friends were lurking around. He was alone so that was the end of it, so we thought.

The next morning, while preparing breakfast for my family I spilled blueberries all over the floor. While I was sweeping them up, I saw a huge white spider amongst the fallen and I moved a couple to the side so that I could crush him under my feet. As I was emptying the blueberries into the trash can, my daughter let out a scream that was so terrifying that I thought that Michael Myers, Jason, Freddie and the killer clowns were all standing in my kitchen. I turned around and saw her pointing to the wall that separated the kitchen and the dinning room. The spiders must have heard about the ant going out by himself and decided to bring reinforcements. There he was, another huge white spider and he was angry. He saw what I had just done to his boy so he was frantic and running all over the place. He tried to get away and ran from the wall onto a tote bag that was in the corner of the dinning room. I still had the broom in my hand so without hesitation I swept him to the floor and stomped on him hard. I could feel his body being crushed through my flexible house shoe.

After I went to scrap the remains of the two dead bodies off my shoe into the trash bin I looked at my purse, which was located right next to the tote bag. I saw something there, but wasn't sure. My purse is blue and there seemed to be a beige spot on it. Or is it a shadow? The only light I had was the one from the kitchen, so I turned around, flicked on the light and stared back at another spider. He didn't run like the last one did. He just looked back at me. For about 5 seconds we just stared each other down, waiting for each other to make the move. I noticed my purse was open so I decided it was time to make a go for it before he decided to run towards it and hide out amongst my bank cards and lip gloss. I swept him to the ground too, and he received the same fate as his homies. They thought from past experience that if they came out in a group and triple teamed me that I was going to be scared and run. They thought they had a punk on their hands. But, they found out that when it comes down to protecting my babies, I am a savage and I will not back down until I get every. single. one.

So to the spiders, tell the rest of your family, your cousins the ants, the centipedes, the big fat rolley polley bugs I don't know the names for, and those insects with the pinchers on the end, I am not playing no games with y'all this year. You step up to me, you will get dealt with. I will not be defeated. This is your last and final warning. Oh, and sorry for your loss. #savage

Forever loving my B.A.D.D. Kids,

Rhonda

Edit note- At press time, the house had been exterminated by my husband who set off foggers instead of calling specialists due to being cheap high costs.