10 ways to raise independent children

It seems like every time I look at my children, they have grown somehow. Their shoes are too tight or jeans are either too long to be capris or too short to be pants. That lets me know that the inevitable is happening and they are growing up on me. As hard as it is too accept the fact that my babies are growing up, my husband and I have to do our duty and raise them in a way that will prepare them for adulthood. For me, that's making sure that they are able to make good, sound decisions.

So here are 10 ways to raise independent children.

1. Give them choices. My children pick out their clothes everyday. Now, I might give them guidelines or veto an outfit due to size, clashing colors or just "no" reasons, but I let them express themselves thru their choice of clothing.

2. Let them make their own lunches. I used to make the best lunches for my kids. There would be a protein, some fruit, veggies, a healthy snack and a fruit drink. My lunches were so bomb that I would get complements from their teachers- no lie- about how great they were and other parents should use me as an example. But, as good as they looked when I sent them to school, they would come back barely eaten when the kids got home. They didn't eat them, so I felt they would appreciate it more, or at least eat more if they made their lunch themselves.

3. Make them clean their own rooms. While I usually do a deep spring and fall cleaning of my kids room to get rid of old toys and clothes, they clean their own rooms majority of the time, including vacuuming and wiping the mirrors down.

4. Spend time with them. We have a family game night or movie night at least once a month. Right now our favorite game is Jenga Throw and Go, but our last movie night watching the latest Lego Movie ended with us all falling asleep. We saw Boss Baby at the theater, that was good though.

5. Be honest with them. I never want to give my kids the impression that they can't come to me for the truth. Even if I feel that a conversation is not age appropriate, I will let them know. I just tell them that they are not the right age yet, and when they are we'll talk. I've been able to dodge the birds and bees conversation so far with this line, but we graze the topic every now and then.

6. Have them help you cook. I often bring my kids in the kitchen to help me. We usually bake so that I can show them the difference between measurements and how to follow a recipe. We're still working on cracking eggs without making a mess, but we'll get there.  

7. Let them order their meals while out. Whenever we take our kids out to eat we have them order their own meals. To me, this teaches them decision making skills and basically how to talk to people in a public setting. I can't stand when I hear teenagers mumble their way thru life. It makes me want to scream- Speak up! And get some act right!

8. Reassure them that they have a voice and its important to be heard. This kind of piggy backs off of the previous statement that kids need to know that what they have to say is important to, as long as they are respectable of other people. During our family meetings, my kids have the opportunity to have the floor and give their opinion about a new rule or offer plans for the next family game night. This gives them confidence in voicing their opinion and lets them know that they are valued. We will not just disregard them because they're kids.

9. Stop negative talk. Have you ever done something so dumb, that you literally say it out loud to yourself, "Girl, you dumb"? Well, it was a small habit I had to break when I heard my kids doing the same. Even though I would only say it to myself as a reminder to get it together, I didn't want them to internalize it as truth. Everybody makes mistakes, but talking negatively about ourselves or others is not allowed. 

10. Love them  unconditionally. This should be a given, but as parents we have to remember to love our kids thru the good and the bad. Thru the laughs, the tears, the good or bad grades, the hugs and eye rolls, we have to help guide them with love. 

Bonus- Let them go. I'm selfish with my kids. After many years of arguing gentle persuasion, I finally let my kids travel without myself or my husband. They went down South for NINE DAYS and I am anxiously waiting for their return. I know that they are kind, smart, no nonsense kids and they always have angels watching over them, so they are going to be just fine. It just took me a while to realize that I could never put their true independence to the test without giving them an experience to use it.  

So shout out to all the parents who are raising their kids to be independent, and may the odds be ever in your favor.

Forever Loving my B.A.D.D. Kids,
Rhonda