Once upon a time in my life I suffered from depression. I didn't know what it was until well after I was on the other side of it. I just thought I was in a funk- for 8 months. I figured the feelings of loneliness and hopelessness was just a part of life and it would pass. I tossed away my unexplained weight loss to the fact that I was just busy, but I knew deep down inside something wasn't quite right.
How I got over that hurdle took time, prayer, forgiveness and a whole lotta self reflection. Looking at your true self past all the layers of the person I portray at work or with family and friends is not an easy task. Trying to figure out who I am really and am I happy with this person is daunting at best. I'm also trying not to fall back into those habits of feeling sorry for myself because I failed at something (or a few things) or I get caught up in the "what ifs" of life.
Because I am a person who is forever making goals and seldom achieving them, I stay in a reparative cycle of happy, then sad. I also have an obsessive obnoxious fear of missing out- on parties, vacations, life in general. I hate that feeling of sitting at home doing nothing while everyone else is out having fun. Don't get it twisted. My life is full and I am extremely blessed. I just know that I wanted more for my life and being reminded of what I didn't get to experience has me all up in my feelings recently so I know I need to take a break. Just because I am a loner doesn't mean I want to forever be alone and it sure doesn't mean that I don't want to be invited. There is a fine line between being alone and being lonely and lucky for me I am observant enough now to know what my triggers are before crossing over that line.
Social media is a blessing and a curse. On one hand, it's how I keep up with my family and friends and it's how I find out about a lot of the social events going on in Detroit. Even the last couple of parties I've gone to were via FB invite. The curse is seeing everybody and their Mama at the concert or on the dream vacation that I couldn't afford to go on. While I'm happy for them, I get angry with myself for not planning my money better or whatever the circumstance may have been to make me miss out.
I am taking a social media time out to reflect on me, my family, my goals and my own plans for the future and it needs to be unfiltered and untainted by what I see on the internet. I ask myself all the time, how many success stories are you going to see before you create your own?
How many success stories are you going to see before you create your own?
So here's what I need to figure out: how long will my social media black out be, what sites are included and what's the end game.
How long: I feel anxious just typing this, but I'm thinking 2 weeks to start. I will allow myself 2 cheat days to just "observe" the upcoming events for 15 min per site. (Yes, I have thought about this is detail.)
What sites are included: Of course Twitter, Facebook and Instagram are included. The site that I'm on the fence about is Pinterest. Although I use it for inspiration, it too can suck time out of my day because I become obsessed with starting new projects.
What's the end game: I need to hit the reset botton. I feel myself entering dangerous territory in regards to my self-care and well being. My goal is to gain clarity for what I want to accomplish this year and actually put into motion what I need to do instead of getting in my own way.
So here's to my social media black out. Wish me luck.
Wishing you Love, Peace and Soul Deep Beauty,
Rhonda
P.s. With all the extra time I'll have on my hands, you may see more blog posts from me. They automatically upload to my social media sites, so it's not me cheating 🙂.
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