The Value of a Black Life- Praying for our Streets

This is a repost from November that I wrote on my parenting blog. At the time there was looting and rioting happening in Ferguson, but my message still remains the same. Five months ago it was Ferguson, today it's Baltimore, next week it could be your city. Don't let the media distract you from the real issue. 

It's starting to become the norm: a young  life gone while his murderer walks free. I can't help but to wonder why? Why is this okay? Why is this happening? Why is a system that is supposed to be here to protect us, holding the deaths of so many black men as just another criminal who got what he deserved? Anyone who tells me that racism doesn't exist is in denial and anyone who says that the man who killed Michael Brown deserves to walk away unaffected and uncharged is a fool.

I don't agree with the looting that's going on in Ferguson but I understand their desperation. I understand what it feels like to be hurt and angry, feeling like your voice is not being heard, like nobody cares about the struggle our black youth go through everyday. Where they can't wear their hooded sweatshirts and walk in their own neighborhoods.This is the result of decades of peaceful protests that gave us an inch, yet take a mile.

I pray for them. I pray for my children, and I pray for the men in my life, who because of their skin and husky build automatically fit the profile. My husband and brother have both felt the black man's plight for DWB (driving while black) , handcuffed, slammed on top of police vehicle hoods while their cars were illegally searched. They left with sore wrists and bruised egos, but still, they walked away. Far too many is the story of those who don't get that privilege. And far too many is the story of those who don't know what to do about it.

How many protest, petitions, sit-ins and marches do we have to do before society truly sees us as equals? I don't know if that day will ever come. What I do know is that the black community needs to stop playing and open their eyes to the reality of the situation. Michael Brown, Travon Martin and Ricky Bell where just regular guys until the day they were killed and their murders went free. This clearly can happen to anybody and we have to change our mind set and be our brother's keeper. We have to teach our youth that ignorance is not bliss.

As any true parent knows, education starts at home and we need to instill in our children the values we grew up on. It's time to stop being friends and be parents. Stop buying video games and start buying books. Stop worshiping rappers and movie stars and follow a true and living God. So where do we start? Like anything that is being built, we have to start with a good foundation, and for me and my household that foundation starts with God. Whether you call Him God or not, there has got to be a higher power, a belief in something bigger than yourself that gives you that ray of hope that everything you need is in His hands.

Next, we must teach respect: for ourselves, our peers, those in authority and respect for life. We should care about how we look and how we carry ourselves and take priority in taking care of our health. We should be able to disagree with our peers and still respect them. We should be able to respect our elders and those in authority. We need to teach our children how to respond to police when confronted or pulled over. We need to drill it in their heads that life is not fair and things are going to happen, but it is how you deal with these things that show your true character. You can't fight a negative with a negative and think that something positive is going to be the result.

Most of all, we need to teach them respect for life. Death and violence should not be a part of the norm. We should not be desensitized, but instead feel prompted to make a change. This way of life where killers of children get to roam free because they have a badge has to end and we can't wait for justice to just happen. The track record speaks for itself. We have to get involved in our political systems, know the law and stand up for our American rights. How can you complain when you won't go out and vote? How can you be mad about the Ferguson decision when you won't do anything to help your community, you hate your fellow peers and you don't even have respect for yourself or anyone else around you?

We have to be our own civil rights leaders and stand for equal rights for all people. When it seems like the system is not made for us, we have to make the first step and value our own lives. That's my two cents, what's yours?

Praying and Forever Loving My BADD Kids,
Rhonda 

Love and Marriage: Marriage Advise Worth Listening To

As my husband and I come up on our 10th Anniversary, I can't help but think about our relationship when we first started out as newlyweds. We were the first of our friends to get married and all we had to go on was instinct and the advise of our parents and grandparents. Did we listen to them all, of course not, but I still wanted to share a few that are definitely worth sharing and incorporating into your relationship. #TeamStayTogether can be challenging, so I'm doing my part to keep hope alive.

1. Don't go to bed angry. It took me a long time to get with the program on this one. I thought there were only 2 options: 1- stay up to un-holy hours of the night arguing talking to my husband till we worked it out or 2- just shut it down and be mad that night and again all morning the next day. Then one day I realized that my beauty sleep and my sanity had taken too much of a beating and I learned 8 magical words: "We gone have to agree to disagree. Good-night." Will we discuss it the next day, probably. Will I worry about it at 10 o'clock at night- nope.

2. Kiss everyday. There is research out there somewhere that shows that kissing is good for you. It releases those feel good endorphins, amps up the romance and helps remind you of the reason you got together in the first place. You may not have time, or privacy for those teen-age makeout sessions, but make sure you smooch it out with your sweetie.

3. Don't sweat the small stuff. Don't nobody have time to argue over every little thing. Yes, I know you have asked your man a thousand times to replace the bag when he takes the trash out (one of my pet peeves), but when he doesn't don't trip. Just continue throwing the garbage in the can as if he did, so the next time when he has to empty and clean the can out, he'll make sure he replaces that bag. It's a little passive aggressive, but it beats fussing about it again. I'm just saying.

4. Say I love you everyday. I am not a very affectionate person. Don't know why, I'm just not, but it wasn't until I got married that I realized how much weight these 3 little words really carry. We can get on each other's last good nerve, not talk all day and roll our eyes when the other person talks, but at the end of the day "I love you" pretty much means that all is forgiven and everything is all right.

5. The 80/ 20 Rule for Relationships. Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married put me up on this rule saying that in most healthy relationships, we only get 80% of what we want and it's in that search for the 20% that either drives us crazy or causes people to stray. Remembering that life is not perfect, and neither is your spouse will help you get things back into perspective.

6. Forgive and forget. It's nothing worse than having what I like to call the "forever" argument. This is when couples who have been together forever start bringing up stuff that happened forever ago just to make a point. You may have forgiven, but with that you have to at least pretend that you forgot. We are no longer allowed to bring up things that happened pre-marriage, pre-kids or pre-marital counseling. We try our best not to bring up things that happened last week, let alone last year. You know that you have truly forgiven someone when you don't use it and throw it up in their face.

7. Learn to live in the grey area. I can be very cut throat at times: you're either right or wrong, you're going to do it, or not do it, I either like you or I don't. I don't leave much room for interpretation. So, I had to learn that with marriage, everything isn't always black and white, we will not always agree, we will not always get along, there may be times where we just can't get it together. But, it's in those moments, when we are pushed to our limits that our faith in each other is tested and we come out the other end stronger than when we started.

Those are my tips, please share yours.

Forever Loving My B.A.D.D. Kids (and my Husband),
Rhonda

My Life in Photos

1. These were our Easter outfits. Our church dresses down for Resurrection Sunday, but that didn't mean we couldn't be cute. And all I spent was $50. My daughter already had the shoes and the jean jacket, so I paired it with that adorable jumpsuit and matching jewelry set from Children's Place. I also got the hat, polo shirt and bracelet and dog tag set for my son from their. 

For myself, I just reached in the closet to accommodate our praise teams' dress code of denim, black and white. 

2. I'm always in need of a little inspiration, and Oprah is one of my favorite go to's. This quote inspires me to stop reflecting on the things that may happen in my life aimed to distract me, and instead use it to encourage me. 

3. I been tearing up strawberry shortcake for two weeks. And this is not those shortcakes that come in a six pack, this is a pound cake that I got from Sam's Club. I eventually upgraded to whipped topping instead of the stuff out the can, and when I took some to work, created a shortcake bar that had options of strawberries, blueberries and peaches. It was demolished before I had the chance to take a picture.

4. Elephants have become an important symbol in our family, especially since my grandmother died. She collected them for years, and so my mother and I have followed suit, or at least I will now since I have my first elephant statue. My mom bought one for each of us and I absolutely love it. They are a sign of good luck, wisdom and strength- all the things my grandmother was, and what I hope to be.

That was my week, how was yours?

Wishing you Love, Peace and Soul Deep Beauty,

Rhonda

Love and Marriage: A Year of Dates- March

Well, once again, parenthood took a front seat to our date night and my husband and I spent our evening with not only our kids, but several others. If you saw February's date night post, then you may be realizing that they are not going as planned.

Here's what we were supposed to be doing: A night out on the town in a surrounding city that we don't frequent too often. I had chosen Royal Oak, because it's been at least 2 or 3 years since my business closed and I haven't been there in a while. I am definitely a foodie and wanted to hit up a couple of places on Main St.

Mission Impossible

But, as our date night approached, my popular children were invited to not one, but 3 birthday parties that Friday and Saturday, so our date night was spent at Pump it Up and Air Time. Our kids are old enough that we don't have to chase them around, we just make sure we get our eyes on them every now and then. I usually get irritated going to places like these because everybody's children aren't as well behaved as mine :) but everything flowed smoothly and I didn't feel the need to snatch somebody's kid up not once. Plus, my husband had as much fun as the kids did.

My husband @ Pump It Up.

My kids and their friends at Air Time.

There was music, pizza and ice cream and cake times two, so I had no complaints (as you know, I can eat). We'll get our official date night eventually. Until then, I guess the family date nights will do.

Any ideas for a family date night?

Forever loving my B.A.D.D. Kids,
 Rhonda

My Life in Pictures: The Uninvited Guest

It has been quite a week for me and I am pretty exhausted by it all. Here's what happened...

1.

1. It was parent teacher conference time and this time around the kids had to run the show. There were power point presentations and group projects that were very impressive for elementary school. My kids are doing great, as I expected and are both above their reading level. Another proud mommy moment for me.

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2. I have been contemplating a trim/cut for a while now and when I saw the shapes if these wigs on Instagram I knew it was about to go down. As soon as I make my final decision on the diva cut I want, me and my scissors are going to have at it. I'll keep you posted.

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3. So there's my hubby, my hero, who went in a ditch to get my tire that had popped off my car while I was driving. He told me to come home when I complained of the shaking and rattling noises I was hearing. I didn't want to cause I had things to do, but I'm so glad that I did because things could have been a whole lot worse if I was still on the highway. Thank God for his intuition.

4.

4. We had an uninvited guest staying in our garage this week. We don't know how long he was there or where in the world he was hiding, but the other morning as we starred each other down, I knew he had to go. Thanks to my neighbors, who are equipped with just about everything, we were able to trap the possum and are going to call animal control to come get him. This defiantly was better than the alternative which would have involved my husband and I screaming and having a fit trying to chase him up out of there.

That was my eventful week, how was yours?

Rhonda