Social Media Blackout- What I Learned

So, I am a couple weeks status post my social media blackout. I needed a time-out because I was feeling a certain kind of way about my life and I needed to find a way to change my attitude until I felt able to change my situation.

I have concerns about my personal life and the life of my future business. They both are on struggle mode at this point, so I had to make an effort to change that.

First thing, I needed to do was declutter. They say that you are a product of your environment and my surroundings were totally jacked up. So before I can even consider getting business ideas off the ground, I needed to clear out a whole bunch of stuff in my house and my mind. I started my physical declutter mission by going into my basement closet and I tossed clothes, shoes and purses that I don't use anymore. Most will go to Salvation Army, while some I plan on selling at a community garage sale my old neighborhood is having this summer. My bedroom was a hot mess as well, so after doing the most at IKEA, I got that together by reorganizing my hair and beauty products. 

Then it was time for the mental declutter. I had to rid my mind of the thoughts of failure. I had to stop thinking about my failed business as a total loss and use it as a learning tool. Now that I know what to do, and what not to do, I can set myself up for a better outcome. I also had to break down my business venture into smaller, attainable goals. And most of all, I had to stop comparing my life to others. Bow Wow taught us that the Instagram life ain't nothing but a front most of the time. And while I realize that social media is like a scripted reality show, I still had to remind myself that my life is good, too.

With all the extra time I had, I was able to complete two online courses. My kids were out of town, too, so hubby and I had fun trying out new places to eat. We did have to take a 10 hr road trip to rescue same kids, who were stranded with the family at a Kentucky gas station after the van broke down, but all went well after that.

My Ah-ha moment- I am very observant when it comes to my feelings and deal with them one of two ways. By totally ignoring that they exists, or dealing with them head on. So, I had a revelation- I realized that I have been so fearful of failing that I have failed to live. I don't ask friends and family if they want to hang out- out of fear that they'll bail on me and I'll be all up in my feelings about it. I haven't taken the steps to go back to school out of fear that I will get myself further in debt and spend several years just to hang a diploma on my wall and not work in that field. I haven't started my business out fear of doing like I did before- putting my all into it for a few years and spend all my savings just for it to fail. 

Then, what if I do succeed? What if I actually become the thing that I've always dreamed? So what is my problem? I'm not even comfortable or confident enough to succeed. The thing that I used to live and breath- I now run from. The thing that used to make me feel alive now makes me feel sick to my stomach because somewhere down the line I believed the lie that I told myself- that I wasn't good enough. I've been so uncomfortable with people thinking that I think I'm all that, that I forgot that in real life, I am. I am a published writer and make-up artist and was lucky enough to call the pages of a local magazine my home. I have owned my own business. I can learn a new creative skill in my sleep. I have a husband who is obsessed with me loves me. My kids are amazing in every way. I am beyond blessed and highly favored. There is not a request that I have made that God has not provided. 

So, I feel refreshed and mentally prepared to handle my life's challenges, all because I took a social media break. I suggest you reset every now and then and do the same.

Wishing you love, peace and Soul Deep Beauty,

Rhonda 

The social media black-out experiment

 

Once upon a time in my life I suffered from depression. I didn't know what it was until well after I was on the other side of it. I just thought I was in a funk- for 8 months. I figured the feelings of loneliness and hopelessness was just a part of life and it would pass. I tossed away my unexplained weight loss to the fact that I was just busy, but I knew deep down inside something wasn't quite right.

How I got over that hurdle took time, prayer, forgiveness and a whole lotta self reflection. Looking at your true self past all the layers of the person I portray at work or with family and friends is not an easy task. Trying to figure out who I am really and am I happy with this person is daunting at best. I'm also trying not to fall back into those habits of feeling sorry for myself because I failed at something (or a few things) or I get caught up in the "what ifs" of life. 

Because I am a person who is forever making goals and seldom achieving them, I stay in a reparative cycle of happy, then sad. I also have an obsessive obnoxious fear of missing out- on parties, vacations, life in general. I hate that feeling of sitting at home doing nothing while everyone else is out having fun. Don't get it twisted. My life is full and I am extremely blessed. I just know that I wanted more for my life and being reminded of what I didn't get to experience has me all up in my feelings recently so I know I need to take a break. Just because I am a loner doesn't mean I want to forever be alone and it sure doesn't mean that I don't want to be invited. There is a fine line between being alone and being lonely and lucky for me I am observant enough now to know what my triggers are before crossing over that line.

Social media is a blessing and a curse. On one hand, it's how I keep up with my family and friends and it's how I find out about a lot of the social events going on in Detroit. Even the last couple of parties I've gone to were via FB invite. The curse is seeing everybody and their Mama at the concert or on the dream vacation that I couldn't afford to go on. While I'm happy for them, I get angry with myself for not planning my money better or whatever the circumstance may have been to make me miss out. 

I am taking a social media time out to reflect on me, my family, my goals and my own plans for the future and it needs to be unfiltered and untainted by what I see on the internet. I ask myself all the time, how many success stories are you going to see before you create your own? 

How many success stories are you going to see before you create your own?

So here's what I need to figure out: how long will my social media black out be, what sites are included and what's the end game. 

How long: I feel anxious just typing this, but I'm thinking 2 weeks to start. I will allow myself 2 cheat days to just "observe" the upcoming events for 15 min per site. (Yes, I have thought about this is detail.)

What sites are included: Of course Twitter, Facebook and Instagram are included. The site that I'm on the fence about is Pinterest. Although I use it for inspiration, it too can suck time out of my day because I become obsessed with starting new projects.

What's the end game: I need to hit the reset botton. I feel myself entering dangerous territory in regards to my self-care and well being. My goal is to gain clarity for what I want to accomplish this year and actually put into motion what I need to do instead of getting in my own way.

So here's to my social media black out. Wish me luck.

Wishing you Love, Peace and Soul Deep Beauty,

Rhonda

P.s. With all the extra time I'll have on my hands, you may see more blog posts from me. They automatically upload to my social media sites, so it's not me cheating 🙂.

Girl, let it go

 

When I tell y'all that God has been working on me the past few week-ends, I mean it. I feel physically and mentally drained from fighting against myself. But, since  I am absolutely sure that there's a blessing in the pressing I will continue to press on. 

Here's a little back ground. For the past few months my husband and I have been arguing like clockwork every Friday evening and basically ruining the whole weekend for everybody. I mean, it had been without fail. If we managed to slide thru Friday night unharmed, Saturday morning had something waiting on us. Why? Who knows. What would we argue about? Everyhing. Was it worth arguing about? Of course not. I remember one day being all hot and bothered and was waiting for him to come back home so I could give him a piece of my mind and for the life of me I couldn't even remember what I was originally mad about. That's when I realized it wasn't nothing but the devil.

I live for the weekends, especially Friday's and Saturday's because those would be our date nights. But, who wants to spend quality time with someone they arguing with? Not I. 

Lucky for me, I stumbled upon a book that was featured on the Bible app and it has been opening my eyes to the myths that we think are true about marriage and how to come to terms with dispelling them.

In addition to that, my church has started their Fight For The Family teachings again and they had a couple come in and tell their story at bible study. Listening to their story, I left really inspired to make my marriage work. Now, we are and always will be on #TeamStayTogether, but I had kind of excepted our relationship the way it was. In all transparency, sometimes it was just miserable. 

So I made the decision to just let it go. This is a hard thing for me y'all. I can not- not say what I am feeling. I tried it, it don't work. I am adult enough to admit that the reason why it doesn't work most of the time is because I'm not just trying to make a point, I'm trying to make THE point of all points in time. Ok, there I said it. But, I was determined to pass the test this time. 

I will admit, I failed the first time though. Long story short my husband popped a pimple on my sons forehead. Fact #1. This was his first pimple. Fact #2. I bought him a whole skin care line of stuff to start taking care of his face because I saw it coming. Why? Fact #3. I am a licensed skin care professional, hence the blog and former business. So I felt a certain kind of way about it. And in true Rhonda fashion I had to address it. That conversation went something like this:

Me: Why you do that to his face? You could have asked me about it first.

 

Him: If I want to pop a pimple on my son face, I'm gone pop a pimple on his face

 

.

Me: .....

 

Him: .....

 

After a 20 minute discussion, we finally concluded that all I was asking for was a little communication. 

If you come to a peaceful conclusion, that's called winning. Lol.

 

Most of the time when an argument happens over something so small and trivial, it's usually about a deeper situation. This one happened to be about the lack of communication, but instead of me going from zero to 100, I've been asking myself what I'm really mad about and if it's really worth the argument. 

I'm still a work in progress. Pray for me, y'all. 

What is something you struggle with in your marriage?

Wishing you Love, Peace and Soul Deep Beauty, 

Rhonda

My Myers Briggs personality type

 

A few weeks ago I was obsessing on Pinterest like I often do, and I stumbled across a pin that talked about the Myers Briggs personality types and I was intrigued. I read about a few of the types and it didn't take me long to do a self analysis and figure out which one fit me.   

It was developed as a way to see how people perceive the world and make decisions. It is often used as a team building or self improvement excersise and since

I always to consider myself a work in progress, I decided to give it a go. 

So there are countless amounts of free online tests that you can take, just ask my homegirl Google (yes, she's a female cause we women know everything.) But, I decided to just answer based on the information I saw. 

There are 4 parts to it. The first part is about your interaction with the world: Do you consider yourself to be an introvert or an extrevert? Introverts prefer to work alone or in small groups, where as extroverts love to be around a lot of people.

Introverts also focus on their thoughts, or inner world more. 

Introverts chose- I. Extroverts choose- E.

Part 2 is about how you absorb information. Intuitives can gather imformation, interpret with meanings and give it many possibilities. Sensory people use fact and details and see it as common sense.

Intives choose- N. Sensory choose- S.

Part 3 is about how you make decisions. Feelers make decisions based on how they feel. Thinkers make decisions based on logic. 

Feelers choose- F. Thinkers choose- C.

Part 4 relates to structure. Judgers tend to be organized and results orientated. Perceivers are multi taskers  and like to keep their options open. 

Judgers choose- J. Perceivers choose- P.

There are 16 available personality types and I determined that I am an INTP personality with the cheat sheet below. 

 
Nicknamed "The Professor", INTP's are inventive thinkers that thrive on being creative and unique. They make up only 3% of the population, according to my research and they are known for being honest, direct and intelectually curious. On the flip side, they are are also known as withdrawn, emotionally detached, and tend to second guess themselves so much that most of their projects never see the light of day.

Here are some other traits that INTP's have:

• Quiet and contained
• Analytical 
• Laid back
• Imaginative
• Explosive 
• Distrusting of others 
• Happier as freelancers and entrepreneur 

Oh my gosh, this is me. I had always wondered why I  would research something into the ground, come up with a good idea and then never follow thru. Or why I can pick out a lie with facts and details pulled and filed from previous conversations. Or why I have that "I got nothing" look whenever I'm put in a situation that would normally require emotions. It all makes sense to me now.

Of course, not all the descriptions are completely accurate, but it's interesting to know that there is a method to the madness. If you would like to learn about you personality type, please click here for more info. 

That's my personality type, what's yours?

Wishing you Love, Peace and Soul Deep Beauty,

Rhonda 

How to set goals and achieve them

 

It's May and we are almost at the mid way part of the year. When I think about the goals I set for myself and my family, I'm glad that I've accomplished a good portion of what I set out to do. I may have fallen by the wayside on some things, but the good news is, I still have time- and so do you.

I am a list maker. It is an obnoxious, yet necessary habit that I've had probably since college.  If I have to run errands, there's a list of places I need to go. I keep my my bi-monthly budget handy in list format in one of my many journals. And I dare not go to the grocery store without my list and meal plans for the week. My purse and journals are full of sticky notes with illegible words scrambled on them. List's make me feel organized and keep me on tract despite my self-inflicted distractions.

My list making is not only for errands, I feel that making lists of life goals are important as well. Whether it's something I want to do next week or next year, when I write it down, it makes it concrete. It makes it more than just something I said and turns it into an actual goal.  And when I break it down into attainable steps, it makes it easier to achieve, instead of this thing that is just looming out in the atmosphere. As they say, a goal without a plan is just a wish. So let me give you some real simple tips on how to set goals and actually achieve them.

Step 1: Figure out what you want and write it down.
Have you every had that "what do you want to eat conversation?" You know that your hungry, but don't know what you're hungry for. It seems simple, but sometimes we just don't know what we want in life. Just sit for awhile and think about the things that would improve your quality of life. Do you want a new job, or to lose weigh tor take that family vacation? Do you want to change your financial status or go back to school? No matter what it is, big or small, write it down. Whether it's something that you feel is attainable or is a one in a million chance of happening. Just by you writing it down, you are starting the process of the law of attraction. Those things that you put out in the atmosphere will be drawn to you.

Step 2: Break it down.
When I looked at my list of goals, I couldn't let it overwhelm me. One of the items on my list was to get in better shape. I know that I wasn't going to magically wake up and be several pounds down. There was going to have to be not only a plan involved, but some effort and sweat equity. So I had to break it down to baby steps. It looked something like this.

Get in shape!

1. Clean Eating- at least 80% of the time

      a. Cook more, no buying food at work
b. Take-out only on week-ends

2. Work out

a. Mon, Thurs, Sat

b. Cardio, weight train, yoga, dance

3. Less stress

a. Take time to read and meditate

b. Weekly facial or bougie bath on Sundays 

So after I practiced one step, I went on to the other. It didn't matter that it took me probably four months of eating better before I started working out. As long as I did it. Which brings me to the next step.

Step 3: Be consistent.

This is the part that most people struggle with. It's cool when you first start out and you're excited and on a mission, and then out of no where the magic fades and you don't feel as enthusiastic as you did when you first started out. So you slow down a bit, and casually make your way thru life and the next thing you know, you don't even actively work on your goal anymore. So this is where you have to be intentional about creating a good habit in your life. I read somewhere that it takes 21 days to make or break a habit, so when I am trying to create good habits in my life, I trick myself into being addicted to that thing for 21 days in hopes that it sticks and stays in my way of life.  

Step 4: Reward yourself along the way.
Who says your hard work and effort has to go un-rewarded? Little victories should always be celebrated, if only to keep you motivated for the next celebration. Not that I needed outside approval to verify that my weight loss journey was working, but when people started to notice the change, I treated myself to some more weight loss equipment, I bought two yoga balls (different sizes) and some thigh slimmers for the #NoThunderThighs movement.

Step 5: Be okay with setbacks.
Of course, my plan to workout 3 times a week didn't always happen. There is always something going on in my life, so maybe I skipped a workout due to a choir rehearsal, or I had to take my kids somewhere, or maybe I just was too tired. It's okay if it doesn't go exactly as planned, the important thing is to get it together once things get back to normal.

The time is now to get out of your comfort zone. How can you see who you were destined to be if you're not willing to push yourself past your self-induced limits. Get it together, write it down and make it plain. I got yo back and I believe that you can do anything that you set your mind to.

Wishing you Love, Peace and Soul Deep Beauty,
Rhonda 

Setting Goals With The Passion Planner

I am a goal orientated list maker. I have several small notebooks that I jot things down in, and to top that, I have sticky notes falling out of them of ideas I had when one of my 3 notebooks weren't available. I also use my notes app on my phone, but I'm a paper and pen type of girl at heart and to me, it means more when you write it by hand.

So obviously this time of year I'm usually putting my yearly planner away from the previous year and getting myself together for the upcoming months. Normally, I just buy a planner from Target or the $1 bin at Michaels, but this year I stumbled upon THE planner that has me feeling like I might just get my life together.

It's called the Passion Planner and it is the bomb dot com. I have had my nose in this planner every free second I've had and I am getting super excited just thinking about the year ahead.

So here's the deets.

- Instructions on how to use it to its best potential. Really? Instructions on how to write in a planner. Yes, because she (creator Angelia Trinidad) has the planner set up with a Passion Roadmap and Reflection Pages. 

- Monthly and Weekly Layouts. I love how  alongside the layouts there are quotes of inspiration, to do lists and plenty of space to obviously plan your passions.

-Several buying options. There are 2 different sizes and a few cover choices ranging in price from $24- $29.

passionplanner.com

-Also, for those of us who are financially challenged there is a FREE option! Yes, I said free. I chose this option as I already had a binder that I use for my blog planner so it worked out perfectly for me. Plus, I find it very hard to turn down anything that's free ninety-nine.

You may be asking yourself, "Why do I need a planner? I already know what I need to do." Yes, you do but without a concrete plan and setting small goals you will just be going around in circles. When you write your dreams and goals down, you set yourself up for success and make yourself accountable. If I don't do something that's in my planner, I can't blame anybody but me and it makes me work twice as hard to make sure I don't fail again. So do yourself a favor, go to passionplanner.com and order this planner. It is so worth the investment.

Wishing you Love, Peace and Soul Deep Beauty, 

Rhonda.

The Vision Board Party

I've talked about vision boards before and how I truly believe in the power of the law of attraction. There are so many things that I envisioned for myself that have come to pass in one form or another. So much so, that it was time to make another board. But, rather than just sit in my house by myself, I wanted to share the experience and introduce this project to some of my friends.

So I decided to have a vision board party. I invited about 15 ladies out to eat (had to start out small due to the venue). I rented the banquet room at the restaurant and provided the boards and some of the art supplies. I asked them to bring a few magazines and a pair of scissors.

In true form I made little hand outs and I walked them through the simple process of making a board. Here are some of the tips I shared with them.

What is a Vision Board?

A vision board is a collection of images and/or quotes,  used to help you reach your goals and dreams by helping you to focus and visualize them coming true.

Different Forms of Vision Boards

-Physical, usually done on poster board

-Digital, done on your computer or phone: Pinterest, PicMonkey, Vision Board Apps.

Or you can use a combination of both by making a physical board, taking a picture of it and saving that pic as a screen saver.

Themes are endless and can range from a specific goal, inspirational or broad range of life goals.

How to do your vision board:

1.       What do you want? Write down goals you want in any aspect of your life- career, love, family, school, health, or lifestyle. No matter how big or small, if it’s important to you, write it down.

2.       Find images, quotes or anything that represents those goals and paste them to your board.

3.       Place you board in a place where you can see it everyday and at least a few times a week, visualize how you would feel when those goals are reached. Also think about what you’ve done to help guide you and prepare for that goal.

How to make it work for you!

-          Put it up where you can see it!

-          Don’t set time limits

-          Stay positive

-          Keep your eyes open

       -      Be grateful, even if it doesn’t come the way you planned


Here are some pics from the event.

                     

The event was a success. So much so, that I even had reservations already put in for next years party.
So have you been to a vision board party before? How was it and what was the feedback from your guests?

Until next time.

Wishing you Love, Peace and Soul Deep Beauty,
Rhonda

Get It Together

One of the most important keys to success is to be consistent, to end as strong as you started. That is so not one of my strong points. I will start a project hard, 110% and then slowly the energy I had at the beginning starts to fade until it is practically non-existent. It happened with my business, started to happen with my marriage, hell- it happened with this blog.

I'm not going to sit here and give the "I'm back" speech again and how I'm going to do better, blah, blah, blah. But, what I will do is take time for myself to do those thing that make me happy, and this blog is one of them. I have made it my goal that in addition to being so and so's wife and so and so's mother, that I will make a name for myself as well.

So, I've decided to nix my other blog and combine the two on Soul Deep Beauty. I can't separate my beauty biz and my family life because they both are a part of my life. And although my make-up gigs are few and far between, I still can beat a face down. #dontgetittwisted

As I transition two blogs into one, I'm going to bring over some of my favorite posts from I Heart My B.A.D.D. Kids. Enjoy!

Wishing you Love, Peace and Soul Deep Beauty,
Rhonda

My Summer Reads

I love to read . Fiction, non-fiction, suspense thriller, you name it. One of my favorite pastimes is to go to the local book store because I am still a big fan of "real" books. Yes, I have an eReader, but ask me when was the last time I used it. I like the smell of a book when you first open it and I like to write little notes and highlight stuff. (I told y'all I was a nerd.)

But, because of my busy schedule I have not had the opportunity to enjoy a good book lately. And every time I say I'm going to dig my heels into a good novel, I find myself in the non-fiction/ self-help aisle at the book store. So here are my two picks for the summer that I can't wait to curl up to as I take my kids to the park, Jungle Java or just choose to mentally check out and let them run free/destroy my house and furniture.

1. Every Day a Friday by Joel Osteen
I love Pastor Osteen. Whenever I can't make it to my church on Sundays, I get up to watch his service via TV or Internet. He's part pastor, part motivational speaker and part comedian. The premise of this book is how to be and remain happy in your life. I had bought the audio version of this book last year but due to some technical difficulties, it's in cyber heaven somewhere. So I bought it again determined to find the true joy inside of me. I'm about a quarter of the way into the book and so far I am learning how to recognize how I let things around me determine my happiness. Because I am a goal orientated person, I am always thinking about the next step and saying, "if I only had ____, I would be okay," when in actuality I should be okay anyway. I'm a work in progress people.

2. Better Than Good Hair by Nikki Walton
I have been stalking currlynikki.com since 2009, when I started wearing my naturally textured hair full time. I've talked about her blog before and was so excited that she wrote a book as well that featured some of my fav hair gurus and fellows natural hair enthusiasts. I have only flipped through the pages of this one, but it is so going to be an enjoyable, educational and entertaining journey about natural hair care. I love the lay out, too. I might do a video review on this one.

So those are my summer reads so far. What are yours? Comment below.

Wishing you Love, Peace and Soul Deep Beauty!

Team "Be Shameless"

Hey y'all,

Watch this video.



Have you ever felt this way? What could you do today to start shamelessly promoting your strengths and talents?

Wishing you Love, Peace and Soul Deep Beauty!

10 Things Every Woman Should Have

I was flipping through an old Allure Magazine the other day during a spring cleaning fit, and I came across an article titled, "10 Things Every Woman Should Have" with fashion icon Oscar de la Renta. It was a cute list compiled with the fashion must haves: a small bag, black lace dress, etc. And not that I didn't agree, but  I immediately complied a list of my own. (Numbers 1 and 5 are from his list though- what can I say, they were good.)

10 Things Every Woman Should Have

#1. A Great Romance.
Every woman should experience being in love. We are so guarded sometimes and to allow yourself to love someone with no question or judgement is very freeing.

#2. A Bestie.
I don't believe in freinemies. Either you is or you ain't my friend. There is no gray area. So when you know that your girls (or guys) around you are ride or die, you are a force to be reckoned with.

#3. A Badd Pair of Shoes.
You must have a pair of shoes that not only make you walk with that supermodel swag, but it should make you feel like everything around you is in slow motion.

Soul Deep Beauty is under construction

This October Soul Deep Beauty will be celebrating it's two year anniversary. Get out the streamers and noise makers cause it's on and poppin! (Sorry). I'm just excited because I did something that three years ago wasn't even a thought in my mind to do. I started a business from the ground up. It may not be exactly were I want it to be, but it it's still going and that's enough for me. That's the good news. The not so good news is that as of Sept. 1st, I will no longer be working out of the Wellness Clinic.

I have decided that it is more economical for me to forgo the rent every month and become a mobile/ on location business because I rarely do work out of the clinic anyway. I want to focus more on my pamper parties and the make-up aspect of the business, so I think that this would be a good move for me.

I have redone just about everything- my website, my online scheduling, and business cards. I even set up a Google Number for my business. So for the next month, I will be in the process of moving and getting myself prepared for the next part of my journey. Wish me luck!

Wishing you Love, Peace and Soul Deep Beauty.