Social Media Blackout- What I Learned

So, I am a couple weeks status post my social media blackout. I needed a time-out because I was feeling a certain kind of way about my life and I needed to find a way to change my attitude until I felt able to change my situation.

I have concerns about my personal life and the life of my future business. They both are on struggle mode at this point, so I had to make an effort to change that.

First thing, I needed to do was declutter. They say that you are a product of your environment and my surroundings were totally jacked up. So before I can even consider getting business ideas off the ground, I needed to clear out a whole bunch of stuff in my house and my mind. I started my physical declutter mission by going into my basement closet and I tossed clothes, shoes and purses that I don't use anymore. Most will go to Salvation Army, while some I plan on selling at a community garage sale my old neighborhood is having this summer. My bedroom was a hot mess as well, so after doing the most at IKEA, I got that together by reorganizing my hair and beauty products. 

Then it was time for the mental declutter. I had to rid my mind of the thoughts of failure. I had to stop thinking about my failed business as a total loss and use it as a learning tool. Now that I know what to do, and what not to do, I can set myself up for a better outcome. I also had to break down my business venture into smaller, attainable goals. And most of all, I had to stop comparing my life to others. Bow Wow taught us that the Instagram life ain't nothing but a front most of the time. And while I realize that social media is like a scripted reality show, I still had to remind myself that my life is good, too.

With all the extra time I had, I was able to complete two online courses. My kids were out of town, too, so hubby and I had fun trying out new places to eat. We did have to take a 10 hr road trip to rescue same kids, who were stranded with the family at a Kentucky gas station after the van broke down, but all went well after that.

My Ah-ha moment- I am very observant when it comes to my feelings and deal with them one of two ways. By totally ignoring that they exists, or dealing with them head on. So, I had a revelation- I realized that I have been so fearful of failing that I have failed to live. I don't ask friends and family if they want to hang out- out of fear that they'll bail on me and I'll be all up in my feelings about it. I haven't taken the steps to go back to school out of fear that I will get myself further in debt and spend several years just to hang a diploma on my wall and not work in that field. I haven't started my business out fear of doing like I did before- putting my all into it for a few years and spend all my savings just for it to fail. 

Then, what if I do succeed? What if I actually become the thing that I've always dreamed? So what is my problem? I'm not even comfortable or confident enough to succeed. The thing that I used to live and breath- I now run from. The thing that used to make me feel alive now makes me feel sick to my stomach because somewhere down the line I believed the lie that I told myself- that I wasn't good enough. I've been so uncomfortable with people thinking that I think I'm all that, that I forgot that in real life, I am. I am a published writer and make-up artist and was lucky enough to call the pages of a local magazine my home. I have owned my own business. I can learn a new creative skill in my sleep. I have a husband who is obsessed with me loves me. My kids are amazing in every way. I am beyond blessed and highly favored. There is not a request that I have made that God has not provided. 

So, I feel refreshed and mentally prepared to handle my life's challenges, all because I took a social media break. I suggest you reset every now and then and do the same.

Wishing you love, peace and Soul Deep Beauty,

Rhonda 

The truth about marriage, the skills needed for team stay together

To be in a successful marriage takes a particular set of skills. The list of skills run far and wide. Some of us are able to learn, adapt and apply these skills easier than others. Some of us have to be hog tied and gagged in order to understand the skill involved. Either way, anybody who thinks that marriage will be so simple is in denial. Marriage is work, but it's worth it. Here are just a few skills needed to stay on #Team Stay Together.

Communication- I can't say this enough. There are way too many ways to get your point across in today's day and age for there to be any confusion about how your spouse feels. Whether you say it, text it, email it, DM it, or write it subliminally in a post (although I don't recommend it), you better say how you feel when you feel it. There is nothing worse than letting everything build up and then the next thing you know, somebody gets put out over french fries. It can happen- true story.

Patience- It definitely is a virtue. Being able to show kindness while waiting on your partner is a true sign of love. It is not easy and it is a very valued skill in any relationship. Showing a great level of patience pays off in the end, and it shows your partner that they are worth waiting for.

Integrity- Why lie? Why be someone who I can't trust or count on? Really? I don't understand why grown people choose to lie, or tell half truths when they know they are going to get found out anyway. The tripped out part is that most times, if someone asks you a question straight out, they already know the truth. They are just trying to see how far you will go to keep it from them. So the first rule should be to not do anything that you need to lie about in the first place, but if you do, the second rule is to be honest, admit your wrong and try to work it out with your partner.

Sense of humor- They say that laughter is the best medicine, and that is definitely true when it comes to marriage. Laughing makes you feel good and it creates a bond between people. You want to aim to have the type of relationship that you can laugh about the argument the next day instead of getting mad about it all over again.

Positive Attitude- Who wants to be married to a Negative Nancy? Nobody. You want to be the type of spouse that can look to the bright side of any situation, someone who can motivate and uplift. And someone who is not considered a spirit killer. 

Confidence- We all have insecurities, but they have no place being in the forefront of marriage. You have to be able to exude confidence even when it's not an easy thing to do. Having confidence in yourself, confidence in your spouse and confidence in your marriage will help you along the way. 

Thick Skin- Conflict in a marriage is inevitable. Sometimes during conflict, things are done or said that may hurt your feelings. You have to believe that your spouses intentions were not to hurt you, so being overly sensitive will not help. 

Problem Solver- Problems come in many different shapes and sizes. Some are easy to solve and some seem to be irreparable. But, no matter the size of your situation you have to put your problem solver skills to the test daily from figuring out what's for dinner to figuring out how to pay all the bills on time and still have some left over for date night. You can make any challenge look like a quick fix when you are a natural at problem solving.

Unconditional Love- This should be a given, but often times people don't realize the depths of this type of love. Unconditional love means loving someone despite their flaws, despite them getting on your last natural nerve, despite them buying you the perfect anniversary gift. It means loving someone beyond the conditions you have unconsciously set up in your mind. That kind of love can get you through the hard times and it can make the work and struggle of marriage a little easier to bare.

So, now that you have been given some of the important skills needed to have a successful marriage, take them, work on them and actually use them to make your marriage work...good luck.

 

Wishing you Love, Peace and Soul Deep Beauty,

Rhonda

The social media black-out experiment

 

Once upon a time in my life I suffered from depression. I didn't know what it was until well after I was on the other side of it. I just thought I was in a funk- for 8 months. I figured the feelings of loneliness and hopelessness was just a part of life and it would pass. I tossed away my unexplained weight loss to the fact that I was just busy, but I knew deep down inside something wasn't quite right.

How I got over that hurdle took time, prayer, forgiveness and a whole lotta self reflection. Looking at your true self past all the layers of the person I portray at work or with family and friends is not an easy task. Trying to figure out who I am really and am I happy with this person is daunting at best. I'm also trying not to fall back into those habits of feeling sorry for myself because I failed at something (or a few things) or I get caught up in the "what ifs" of life. 

Because I am a person who is forever making goals and seldom achieving them, I stay in a reparative cycle of happy, then sad. I also have an obsessive obnoxious fear of missing out- on parties, vacations, life in general. I hate that feeling of sitting at home doing nothing while everyone else is out having fun. Don't get it twisted. My life is full and I am extremely blessed. I just know that I wanted more for my life and being reminded of what I didn't get to experience has me all up in my feelings recently so I know I need to take a break. Just because I am a loner doesn't mean I want to forever be alone and it sure doesn't mean that I don't want to be invited. There is a fine line between being alone and being lonely and lucky for me I am observant enough now to know what my triggers are before crossing over that line.

Social media is a blessing and a curse. On one hand, it's how I keep up with my family and friends and it's how I find out about a lot of the social events going on in Detroit. Even the last couple of parties I've gone to were via FB invite. The curse is seeing everybody and their Mama at the concert or on the dream vacation that I couldn't afford to go on. While I'm happy for them, I get angry with myself for not planning my money better or whatever the circumstance may have been to make me miss out. 

I am taking a social media time out to reflect on me, my family, my goals and my own plans for the future and it needs to be unfiltered and untainted by what I see on the internet. I ask myself all the time, how many success stories are you going to see before you create your own? 

How many success stories are you going to see before you create your own?

So here's what I need to figure out: how long will my social media black out be, what sites are included and what's the end game. 

How long: I feel anxious just typing this, but I'm thinking 2 weeks to start. I will allow myself 2 cheat days to just "observe" the upcoming events for 15 min per site. (Yes, I have thought about this is detail.)

What sites are included: Of course Twitter, Facebook and Instagram are included. The site that I'm on the fence about is Pinterest. Although I use it for inspiration, it too can suck time out of my day because I become obsessed with starting new projects.

What's the end game: I need to hit the reset botton. I feel myself entering dangerous territory in regards to my self-care and well being. My goal is to gain clarity for what I want to accomplish this year and actually put into motion what I need to do instead of getting in my own way.

So here's to my social media black out. Wish me luck.

Wishing you Love, Peace and Soul Deep Beauty,

Rhonda

P.s. With all the extra time I'll have on my hands, you may see more blog posts from me. They automatically upload to my social media sites, so it's not me cheating 🙂.

Girl, let it go

 

When I tell y'all that God has been working on me the past few week-ends, I mean it. I feel physically and mentally drained from fighting against myself. But, since  I am absolutely sure that there's a blessing in the pressing I will continue to press on. 

Here's a little back ground. For the past few months my husband and I have been arguing like clockwork every Friday evening and basically ruining the whole weekend for everybody. I mean, it had been without fail. If we managed to slide thru Friday night unharmed, Saturday morning had something waiting on us. Why? Who knows. What would we argue about? Everyhing. Was it worth arguing about? Of course not. I remember one day being all hot and bothered and was waiting for him to come back home so I could give him a piece of my mind and for the life of me I couldn't even remember what I was originally mad about. That's when I realized it wasn't nothing but the devil.

I live for the weekends, especially Friday's and Saturday's because those would be our date nights. But, who wants to spend quality time with someone they arguing with? Not I. 

Lucky for me, I stumbled upon a book that was featured on the Bible app and it has been opening my eyes to the myths that we think are true about marriage and how to come to terms with dispelling them.

In addition to that, my church has started their Fight For The Family teachings again and they had a couple come in and tell their story at bible study. Listening to their story, I left really inspired to make my marriage work. Now, we are and always will be on #TeamStayTogether, but I had kind of excepted our relationship the way it was. In all transparency, sometimes it was just miserable. 

So I made the decision to just let it go. This is a hard thing for me y'all. I can not- not say what I am feeling. I tried it, it don't work. I am adult enough to admit that the reason why it doesn't work most of the time is because I'm not just trying to make a point, I'm trying to make THE point of all points in time. Ok, there I said it. But, I was determined to pass the test this time. 

I will admit, I failed the first time though. Long story short my husband popped a pimple on my sons forehead. Fact #1. This was his first pimple. Fact #2. I bought him a whole skin care line of stuff to start taking care of his face because I saw it coming. Why? Fact #3. I am a licensed skin care professional, hence the blog and former business. So I felt a certain kind of way about it. And in true Rhonda fashion I had to address it. That conversation went something like this:

Me: Why you do that to his face? You could have asked me about it first.

 

Him: If I want to pop a pimple on my son face, I'm gone pop a pimple on his face

 

.

Me: .....

 

Him: .....

 

After a 20 minute discussion, we finally concluded that all I was asking for was a little communication. 

If you come to a peaceful conclusion, that's called winning. Lol.

 

Most of the time when an argument happens over something so small and trivial, it's usually about a deeper situation. This one happened to be about the lack of communication, but instead of me going from zero to 100, I've been asking myself what I'm really mad about and if it's really worth the argument. 

I'm still a work in progress. Pray for me, y'all. 

What is something you struggle with in your marriage?

Wishing you Love, Peace and Soul Deep Beauty, 

Rhonda

My Myers Briggs personality type

 

A few weeks ago I was obsessing on Pinterest like I often do, and I stumbled across a pin that talked about the Myers Briggs personality types and I was intrigued. I read about a few of the types and it didn't take me long to do a self analysis and figure out which one fit me.   

It was developed as a way to see how people perceive the world and make decisions. It is often used as a team building or self improvement excersise and since

I always to consider myself a work in progress, I decided to give it a go. 

So there are countless amounts of free online tests that you can take, just ask my homegirl Google (yes, she's a female cause we women know everything.) But, I decided to just answer based on the information I saw. 

There are 4 parts to it. The first part is about your interaction with the world: Do you consider yourself to be an introvert or an extrevert? Introverts prefer to work alone or in small groups, where as extroverts love to be around a lot of people.

Introverts also focus on their thoughts, or inner world more. 

Introverts chose- I. Extroverts choose- E.

Part 2 is about how you absorb information. Intuitives can gather imformation, interpret with meanings and give it many possibilities. Sensory people use fact and details and see it as common sense.

Intives choose- N. Sensory choose- S.

Part 3 is about how you make decisions. Feelers make decisions based on how they feel. Thinkers make decisions based on logic. 

Feelers choose- F. Thinkers choose- C.

Part 4 relates to structure. Judgers tend to be organized and results orientated. Perceivers are multi taskers  and like to keep their options open. 

Judgers choose- J. Perceivers choose- P.

There are 16 available personality types and I determined that I am an INTP personality with the cheat sheet below. 

 
Nicknamed "The Professor", INTP's are inventive thinkers that thrive on being creative and unique. They make up only 3% of the population, according to my research and they are known for being honest, direct and intelectually curious. On the flip side, they are are also known as withdrawn, emotionally detached, and tend to second guess themselves so much that most of their projects never see the light of day.

Here are some other traits that INTP's have:

• Quiet and contained
• Analytical 
• Laid back
• Imaginative
• Explosive 
• Distrusting of others 
• Happier as freelancers and entrepreneur 

Oh my gosh, this is me. I had always wondered why I  would research something into the ground, come up with a good idea and then never follow thru. Or why I can pick out a lie with facts and details pulled and filed from previous conversations. Or why I have that "I got nothing" look whenever I'm put in a situation that would normally require emotions. It all makes sense to me now.

Of course, not all the descriptions are completely accurate, but it's interesting to know that there is a method to the madness. If you would like to learn about you personality type, please click here for more info. 

That's my personality type, what's yours?

Wishing you Love, Peace and Soul Deep Beauty,

Rhonda 

The Redden Report- Last Minute Mother's Day Gifts

So Mother's Day is this Sunday and if you have not gotten your mother or that special mother figure in your life a gift yet, shame on you you still have time. And I am going to do you a favor and give you some ideas for the special lady in your life whether it is your wife, sister, mom or grandmother that you are looking to buy gifts for. Not to knock the gas station flower and balloon entrepreneurs, but it's time to step our game up in 2017.

So here are a few ideas for that mother in your life.

Make-up Loving Mom- If the mother you know has the gift of looking flawless despite her somewhat hectic life, she may love the following gifts.

1. Urban Decay Full Spectrum Palette- $32, Limited Edition @ Sephora
The colors are cute and the price is right. I would snatch this limited edition palette up real quick before it's no longer available.
2. Foreo Luna play- $39 @ Sephora
This textured silicone cleansing devise sends sonic waves to enhance deep pore cleansing. But, be warned, this is the non-rechargeable price point that estimates 100 uses. The chargeable Luna starts at $100.
3. Philosophy Cleanse, Refine and Renew Kit- $75 @ Ulta
With this cleanser, two step peel and award winning moisturizer, you can't go wrong.

Laid Back Mom- The mom we all aspire to be.

1. Mom- Yellow Bath Bomb- $7.95 @ Lush
As a bougie bath taker, I love bath bombs of any kind. This one from Lush with the scent of rose and lemon is heavenly.
2. Umbra Aquala Bathtb Caddy- $39 @ JCPenny
I like the fact that this caddy is adjustable, has built in book holder and a built in wine glass holder. And there is a perfect spot to hold a candle.
3. Audible Subscription - $14.95/month @ audible.com
When's the last time you saw a mom actually have time to sit and read a book? Well, with Audible she has the opportunity to use her multitasking skills and listen to a best seller during her commute, or during bath time.

Tech Savy Mom- For the moms who love electronics just as much as the next guy.

1. Harman Kardon Wireless Speaker- $159.95 @ Amazon
This portable speaker is so cool. Whether you have it in the kitchen while cooking or in the yard while tending to your garden, mom is sure to love the portability and the sound.
2. Universal Wireless Charging Pad- $49.99 @ Belkin
Messing around with chords are a thing of the past when you have this. It's simple and convenient.
3. Fitbit Blaze- $149.95 @ Amazon 
For the health conscious mom who wants to tack daily activities in style.

Fashionable Mom- For the mom who can keep it all together and look cute at the same time.

1. Gisela Layered Choker- $16 @ Charming Charlie
This necklace combines the choker, layered and body chain trend all in one. And you can't beat the price.
2. Boc by Born Bucket Crossbody Bag- $24.99 @ TJ Maxx
This crossbody bag is "almost gone" according to their website and I see why, it's super cute.
3. Jennifer Lopez Embroidered Bomber Jacket- $51.99 @ Kohl's
Bomber jacket plus embroidered flower pattern equals on trend cuteness.

Creative or Adventurous Mom- For the mom who keeps her children busy by signing them up in every art, sport and music activity because she knew the importance of a well rounded child. *Note, these places are in the Southeast Michigan area, but I'm sure there are places similar in every metropolitan area.

1. Painting Party- $35 or $45 for a painting session @ Painting With a Twist
Take a couple of moms, add in a little artistic fun and a glass of wine to get those creative juices flowing and you've got a fun night ahead.
2. Ziplining- $48 @ The Adventure Park
Nothing like some fresh air, exercise and adventure to put a smile on mom's face.
3. A fondue dinner- $$$ @ The Melting Pot
A four course meal, melted cheese, chocolate, optional wine. Need I say more?

The Sentimental Mom- For the mom who saves every card and noodle necklace.

1. Homemade or printable cards- Free or $ @ Etsy.com
What mother wouldn't want a card made with love?
2. A heartfelt letter- Free
Tell that mom in your life what makes her special. She's sure to grin from ear to ear.
3. Personalized gifts, like the Large Photo Treat Jar - $39.99 @ Personal Creations

No matter what the cost, I hope you were inspired by this post to get that mother figure in your life a special gift or token to show just how much she means to you.

Do you have a special gift idea? Please share.

Forever loving my B.A.D.D. Kids,
Rhonda

Speak Life

 

Wow, it's been almost a year since I have graced this page with my presence. I guess you can say I took a pause for the cause. Since that cause was trying to get my life together, I will say it was needed and well worth the wait. 

Nothing much has happened in my life besides the fact of always being stuck between life and goals, stay busy or rest and stick to the budget or treat yo self. I'm happy to say that I am getting closer to making a desision about my next venture. 

One thing I had contemplated was going back to school to get my Master's. I went so far as to fill out a FASFA for student loans, I had narrowed down the school and program I would go to and even had my classes and graduation date planned out. But, as my kids grow and they struggle with their own grades, I feel like that would be selfish of me to further my education when my kids aren't even beyond the basics. I need to help get them thru the hurdle first before I can think about furthering my career. Maybe it's mommy guilt, but it just seemed like a lot to take on right now. 

The other thing I had contemplated was opening up Soul Deep Beauty again. My entrepreneurial spirit just won't let me live. It took a back seat to current life situations, but it still beats in me. That being said, I am cooking up some things that are going to change my life and my status- hello somebody, and I can't wait!

I will step out on faith!

I will trust God!

I will be successful!

I will be bold and confident!

God will make room for my gifts!

I am speaking Life into my situation. Now it's your turn.

Wishing you Love, Peace and Soul Deep Beauty,

Rhonda

30 Day Writing Challenge- Days 25- 27

Day 25- Something I am currently worrying about

Well, this is a tough one because generally I try not to worry about things. Being worried about stuff only adds stress and wrinkles and ain't nobody got time for that. But, there are some things that I "ponder" over, pray about and just leave alone. One of those things is my career/passions. I want to find a job that involves my passion and so I am on a quest to 1- figure out what my passions are and 2- figure out how I can parlay that into some cash flow. 

I love to write, but my history of writing has not given me a check yet. I wrote for a local magazine for a year for free for the exposure and the experience and while I enjoyed it, I was hoping it would be a stepping stool for more opportunities. I also have been writing this blog for going on 6 years now and I have not nearly the amount of followers and readers that I should. I know that's mostly my fault because I don't promote it like I should. But I'm funny, darn it. (I be cracking myself up.) And my whole purpose was to lift people up. And talk about make-up and fashion. And brag about my kids. But, the blogs and sites that are out here spreading gossip and promoting fights, racism and hatred against yourself and your people are the ones making headlines, not to mention money-hand over fist. 

Day 26- Things you like and dislike about yourself

I like everything about myself- I'm perfect. Well, not really, but you can't get any closer to perfection than me, baby. Of course, I'm cracking up as I write this. The truth is I always consider myself to be a work in progress. I guess that's one thing I like about myself. Also, I have a crazy sense of humor, I'm not about any drama, I don't lie (which is a blessing and a curse), I have a positive attitude (most of the time), and I am creative and can think like there is no box. I also have a unique fashion sense, I love the way I look and I can make a dollar out of a dime.

Now, it's not all roses over here, I do have some flaws. I mentioned that I don't like to lie, so instead of doing so, I will either avoid a person or a situation like the plague or throw up that palm and plead the 5th.

Source

No, it's not always the best thing to do because the truth sets one free, but I have been known to cause tears from my truths so I'll just save the friendships I have and leave it alone. 

The other major flaw I have, and ya'll better not tell my husband this. I mean it. I will never hear the end of it if he knows I admitted this, but...(in a whisper) I can be selfish. (Gasps.) Yes, I, mother, queen of the earth, the natural born nurturer can be selfish. Now, don't get me wrong, I have and will give my last to someone in need, I will be there for people even when they are no where in sight for me. I will pray for those who I know ain't even thought about me, but there are two things that I'm sorry, but you gone have to fight me over. My snacks and my family/friends. 

I'm a big girl. I eat snacks and no, I'm not always willing to share. My crumb snatchers adorable children will ignore me all day, but the minute I ruffle a  pack of cookies, here they come wanting to give out hugs. No, I don't want no hug right now. Mommy will get at you when I'm done with these Chips Ahoy. 

And when I say I'm selfish with my family/friends I just mean I give all newcomers the side eye before I invoke my complete trust that what happens among family/friends will stay among family/friends. I'm also selfish in the fact that I don't like when I'm talking to someone in my circle and somebody else just walk up and start talking. For example, I was having lunch with my husband  yesterday in his break room at work. He bought me some froyo, so I was there all happy in the afterglow. I'm talking to him and he's looking at me and then the next thing I know he looks to my right and says something that has nothing to do with what I'm talking about. The convo continued like this:

Me- What? (Confused look.)

Him- Oh, she was asking me about the Walking Dead, She's trying to catch up. (His head points in the direction to somebody behind me.)

Me- (Looks over my shoulder to see who "she" is. Makes eye contact. Turns back around.) So you gone talk to me or them? 

Him- Ohh. (Looks down into his yogurt cup like I just put him on punishment, but with a smirk on his face.)

Now, I may have been a little rude in my delivery but "she" was rude for being 2 tables away yelling across the room just because she wanted to be seen. I don't play that. There were actual words coming out of my mouth and since my husband is too nice to tell people they are wrong, I passive aggressively did it for him. So bye, Felicia. Now that I'm looking at this, I don't know if this is still considered selfish or if it should fall into jealous territory. Ohh well. Like I said, I'm a work in progress. 

Day 27- A quote you try to live by

Now, how ya'll gone ask me to get all deep after I done showed you how I go off on people? Well, let me put my Soul Sista hat on and hit you with a few of my favorite quotes. 

My life mantra has always been, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."- Philippians 4:13.

I also live by the golden rule of "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."- Luke 6:31.

Other quotes that I love and have relied on from time to time are below.

What's your favorite quote?

Wishing you Love, Peace and Soul Deep Beauty,

Rhonda

30 Day Challenge- Days 22-24

Day 22- My Academics
There's one thing I truly believe in and that is education. As I mentioned in Day 9's post, I will take a class in a heart beat because I am naturally curious and intrigued by a lot of things. I have taken classes for make-up, sewing and dance in my adult life. As far as college/ trade school education, I received my bachelors degree in 2003, then I graduated from Michigan College of Beauty, followed by Astute Artistry in 2010 and now, I am considering pursing my master's in counseling. It's still a decision I am pondering/praying on and I will know the answer eventually. I'll keep you posted on my final decision.


Day 23- Something that I miss
Truth be told, I miss dancing. Not the two step, or praise dancing. I do that every Sunday. What I miss is that dancing that makes you feel free, where the music is flowing through your veins and the only way to let it go is to hip drop or twerk it out. Dancing is the best exercise for me because it's fun, it involves music and if you doing it right it can help you bring sexy back.

Look, don't judge me. I am saved, sanctified and filled with the holy ghost, but I can hip roll with the best of them. The last time I felt a little twerk in my spirit, I went in my basement, put Pandora on the Missy Elliot station and got it in. Sometimes I belly dance too. I just put my hip scarf on and shang-a-lang-a-lang to whatever song comes on. S/N- the most recent cut I've been chiming to is Prince's "1,000 X's and O's" (may he rest in peace). Seeing as I don't go out like that anymore, it's been a while since I had these hips rocking to some Bey and Rhianna out of the comfort of my own home, but I wouldn't be against it if I could find a place that I'm comfortable in and where people actually dance and not sit there and stare at you like you crazy.


Day 24- Five Phrases That Make Me Laugh
I am either too tired, or this topic is too vague for me to comprehend right now. I laugh at everything. I believe that laughter is the best medicine and life is too short to be so serious all the time. I also peep everything, so say we are in a room full of people and something happens that nobody else seems to notice, I will scan the room to see if anybody else saw. Then at that beautiful moment when our eyes meet and we both have that look of disbelief, I just crack up. Don't judge me, you know you've done it too.

I honestly can't think of phrases that make me laugh right now. I can't even think of funny quotes from movies...Hmmm...I love watching stand-up on Comedy Central. Yeah, let's go with that. My fav's are Kevin Heart and Chris Rock. I watch their specials anytime I see them on. I love Kevin because he's an awesome story teller. Chris is good because he is smart and political and will have you thinking about some things afterwards. The same with Trevor Noah (the new host of the Daily Show). I've only seen two of his specials, but he was really good. And, an honorable mention goes out to the pimp himself- Katt Williams. Yes, he curses. ALOT. And he is crazy (in real life). But, his specials literally have me crying.

I think I'm going to go watch some comedy shows on Netflix. How bout you?

Wishing you Love, peace and Soul Deep Beauty,
 Rhonda 

30 Day Challenge- Days 19-21

Day 19- Five Items I Lust After
I don't know that I actually lust after items because, even though I do like pretty things, the way my bank account is set up...well, you should know the rest. But, I guess I do have things that I buy that I have an inner dialogue with myself about. It usually goes something like this:

Me- Ohh, what's that?
Me- Something that you don't need.
Me- Yes, I do. I've been looking for this for a minute.
Me- But, do you need it right now?
Me- Yes.
Me- Are you sure?
Me- Yes.
Me- How much is it? Can you afford it?
Me- Oh, it's only (fill in the blank)
Me- (Does mental math of current bank account statement.) Okay, we good. Let's hurry up to the register before I change my mind.
Me- Can I get two?
Me- (Takes a moment to think about it.) No.

1. Books- When I go to the book store, I have to put myself on a limit. The last time I went, I had to go sit on the out skirts of the bookstore, arms full of books and narrow down my decision to only two choices.
2. Make-up- What little girl, or grown woman for that matter, doesn't love to play in make-up? I have to set my budget for the beauty stores as well. I haven't been on the right side of Ulta in forever because my budget won't allow it.
3. Hair Products- As a recovering product junkie, my hair has seen it all. And with the crazy swarm of natural hair products that have overtaken every store I frequent (Target, Walgreens and Walmart). I have to stay strict to my one/no more than two product(s) at a time philosophy. And since I have currently used up all the excess products I was stock piling for that zombie apocalypse, I guess it's time for me to talk myself down from total product relapse.  
4. Clothes- I am addicted to thrift shopping. I love it. There is hardly a feeling that is greater than finding a cute name brand item for $2.59. I feel like I won the lottery each and every time. And don't let me have a half off coupon, I feel like I'm balling out of control.
5. Ice Cream- If you want to know the way to my heart, just buy me some ice cream or froyo. As we speak I'm trying to figure out when I'm going to redeem my $3 off my next treat from Orange Leaf.


Day 20- My Fears-
I'm kind of cheating with this entry because it is from a post from 2013, but it is still how I feel about fear. So here goes.

I hate fear. It is a crippling emotion that can either cause you to do stupid things or keep you from reaching your destiny. I've given too much power to fear and I have come to the point in my life where fear is no longer allowed. The funny thing about it is that I saw myself as fearless because I was able to accomplish just about everything I set my mind to. Not realizing that it was because I'm a smart girl and a lot of things come easy to me (not bragging, it just is what it is).

But, when it came to friendships/ relationships with those around me, I was a mess. I'm sure we all have been stabbed in the back and gotten our feelings hurt, but fear of being the fool twice stops us from our full loving/ giving/ nurturing potential and it keeps us guarded from the one thing we want most- love. Now, if this is too deep for you, feel free to move on, but I am a realist and I know that the only way to conquer something is to confront it. I've decided to fight my fears head on.

Don't get me wrong, it's not going to be easy, but anything worth having is worth fighting for. Because I'm a logical person I used to let my head talk my heart out of or into something that I knew was not the best option for me. Why? Because fear would tell me that I would be lonely, or I would miss out or people are fake and they'll just play me. The fear of failure has stopped so many people in their tracks that they are defeated before they even begin and next thing you know, years have passed and nothing has changed. If you not moving up, then what you doing? Wasting time.

The other (if not the most important) reason me and fear are not friends is because acting out of fear makes faith jealous. If I'm something like the Christian I claim to be, then my faith should overcome my fears. But, fear being the old trickster that she is comes in many forms. She can sneak into your mind at the most inappropriate times and come from the mouths of people you love and trust. The best way to deal with her is to recognize her and tell her to go have several seats cause you not dealing with her.

So here's my declaration for myself- fear is a lie and it will not prevent me from reaching my God given destiny. I'm telling fear to kick rocks. I suggest you do the same.


Day 21- What I Hope My Future Will Be Like
When I think about my future, the main thing I want to be is happy and healthy. After that, I want to travel and eat the best cuisine. I see my husband and I laid up on the sandy beaches of the Caribbean (sexy beach bodies included), sipping tropical drinks and soaking up the beauty that God has created. I also see my kids being offered full scholarships to the college/university of their choice. We have found jobs/careers that satisfy us and that we look forward to doing everyday, along with hobbies that not only make us feel renewed, but give us some extra cash flow as well. Yes, my future looks very bright. I plan to be surrounded with the ones I love, living the good life. I may not be a millionaire in earning potential, but I will be one in love, life and health.

What's your future look like?

Wishing you Love, Peace and Soul Deep Beauty,
Rhonda

30 Day Challenge-Days 15-18

Day 15- My Zodiac
I am a Libra and I have found that all the things that describe us Libra's is true. Here are some of the characteristics of a Libra that do describe my personality.
Attractive- Well, duhh.
Romantic- I have been known to have a few romantic tricks up my sleeve.
Charming- I am very spoiled and I like it that way. I have a way of talking my way into or out of just about any situation. If my mom hadn't told me how much she doesn't trust them, I probably would have been a lawyer.
Tactful- I am always a girl with a plan. I plan out my trips to the grocery store. I plan out vacations. Heck, I plan what I am going to sing when I get in the shower every day. No lie, I put on mini concerts. It's real out here.
Diplomatic- I hate to see injustice and will stand up for anybody being treated unfairly.
Balanced- I can't dwell in chaos. If there is drama- I'm out.
Detached- Although some Libras are said to be very expressive with their face, I am the queen of poker face. Nobody is going to know how I feel about something unless I want them to know.
Laid Back- When I met my cousins from down south a few years ago, they just kept saying, "you are just so cool, so chill". I have even been nicknamed by one of my fellow praise team members as Cool Breeze. I'll take it.
Overthinker/ Indecisive- It can take me days to make up my mind sometimes, especially when it is something that is going to change the course of my life. The funny thing is, my husband is a Libra too and he's worse than I am. Currently, we are trying to work on our deck and we have been looking at patio furniture. From just about every store in our neighborhood. Several times. Seriously, how hard is it to decide on some wicker chairs? Well, let us tell it and it's like deciding to relocate to another state. We'll figure it out eventually, I hope.
Self-Indulgent/ Lover of Beautiful Things- This is another area where my husband and I get in trouble, which is probably why we're having such difficulty buying patio furniture. We definitely can over do it sometimes because we like to have nice things. The way I see it, I work hard so since I don't play hard, I should at least be able to have a cute purse or some cute shoes every know and then. I rarely give myself the permission to just go for it, but when I do, baby watch out. On my last shoe splurge I had four pair walking through the door with me. I am currently on a spending diet... It was fun though.

 I follow a Libra board on Pintrest and find myself liking quite a bit. Here are some of my favorites.
    

  


Day 16- Something I say "What if" about
I was a complete and utter fool when I graduated college. I was 22 years old and the only thing I wanted was to be engaged. I didn't care nothing about the thousands of dollars I was going to have to pay Aunt Sally Mae or how I was going to get a job in my field (BA in Journalism). All I wanted to show was an engagement ring to replace the promise ring I had been wearing for 4 and a half years. I guess when you are in love, that's what you do.

I did eventually get that ring and got married and started having babies. But, the one thing I think about, especially today as I am not particularly loving my job and all I want to do is write for a living, is what if I would have followed the advise of one of my college professors and gone to work for a radio station in Ohio. Where would I be now? Would I have stayed there? Would my husband and I be together? Would I have parlayed my experience on radio to TV? Could I have been the next Oprah?

Of course, my mind races to think of all the things that coulda, shoulda, woulda happened, but I don't trip because I know that whatever is meant for me is for me. I'll get my Oprah status one day.

Day 17- Something That I am Proud Of
Out of all my accomplishments, earning a bachelors degree, starting my own business, having a successful marriage and wonderful kids to boot, I think one of the things that I am the most proud of is that I have a creative mind. My creative mind has gotten me through some rough spots in life, it's given me an outlet for my roller coaster of emotions. It has allowed me to experiment and find a love for things I never knew I would like and it has given me a way to heal and reflect on the things or people who have hurt me in the past and learn to let it go.

Currently, some of my creative outlets are: reading, writing, singing, sewing, painting, jewelry making, baking, and re-purposing old furniture. I also like to take pictures, but I don't get to play with my camera as much as I would like. I also see myself learning to play an instrument in the near future, but that too, is a work in progress. I used to play the piano and organ in high school, but those days of reading music are long gone and I just might have to start from scratch.

Until next time.

Wishing you Love, Peace and Soul Deep Beauty,
Rhonda

30 Day Challenge: Days 11-14

Day 11: My Family

The only people who truly know me and who I am totally capable of being myself around is my family (and the friends who grew up like family). They have seen me laugh, cry, act a fool, embarrass myself, redeem myself, embarrass myself again and have supported me through every victory and failure. They are the silliest, craziest people you can ever be around and there are many times that we forget to take pictures because we're having so much fun. Long story short, my family is the only group of people who I will fight with and fight over at the same time.

Day 12: Five Guys whom I find attractive

In no particular order, here are the guys who can get it I consider eye candy.

1. Usher- I've been a fan since day one. 

2. Jessie Williams- I could say that the eyes alone won it for me but, not only is he an excellent actor, but he also has stood at the forefront of the Black Lives Matter movement.

3. Lance Gross- That smooth coffee-bean black skin and that smile. That's all that needs to be said.

4. Idris Elba- He's chocolate, fine with that salt and pepper hair AND he has a British accent. Girl, bye.

5. Chanting Tatum- If you haven't seen the way this man moves, do yourself a favor and watch Magic Mike. You're welcome.

Honorable Mention- Michael Ealy- Once again, those eyes just do something to me. Although, he has been playing crazy so good, I'm starting to wonder. 

Day 13: My Opinion About My Body

It took me a while to get here, but I can honestly say that I love my body. Could it use some minor adjustments, yes. But, it's nothing that a few weeks of working out couldn't fix. But, as far as my shape, the color and texture of my skin- I'm good. I have finally come to the conclusion that I better enjoy it now because I turn 35 this year. I hear that it's downhill from here so I'm keeping it positive. 

Real talk I knew I was getting happy with my body when I stopped wearing Spanks everyday. I have always loved my brown skin, but it took me some time to be at peace with my roadmaps to heaven, or what most people call stretch marks. I love the skin I'm in and flaunt it proudly. 

Day 14: What I wore today 
So today I felt a little springy. It's April in Michigan and although I should be able to go jacketless, it's still cool out so I decided to wear a sweater over my dress. It actually worked out nice and has now become one of my favorite layered outfits. So, here's the deets on the clothes:

Dress- Bought from Burlington (I think) a couple of years ago. It is so bright and while my introvert self hates when I get all these stares while wearing it, my perform/ model in a past lifetime self knows how to work it.
Sweater- Thrifted this dELia*s beauty for two dolars and some change at Value World last month.
Shoes- These Grasshoppers I bought from DSW are sooo cute and comfortable. They will definitely be my go to spring dress work shoes. My only challenge is to keep them clean.
Accessories- The belt is a few years old, purchased at Lane Bryant and the earrings and neckalace are from my fav jewelry place- Charming Charley's.

Well, That's it for now. Until next time.

Wishing you Love, Peace and Soul Deep Beauty,
Rhonda 

30 Day Writing Challenge: Days 8- 10

Day 8: What I Ate Today

This may be breaking the rules, but I had the BEST meals I've had in a long time a few week-ends ago. It was Easter Week-end, my family was out of town, and I got my big girl dreams on. So I have to tell you what I ate over the course of those two days.q

Saturday- All I had was a bagel for breakfast, but for lunch/ dinner I went to Bankok Cuisine near my house and got me some Tai Food. It has been a long time, but it was everything! I can't remember the tai name but it was basically the chicken fried rice with onion, tomatoes and pineapple. It was so good that I didn't care about the burnt mouth I was getting from the food being too hot.

Sunday- After church, my mom and I went to the casino for their brunch buffet and let me tell you, I was so full when I walked out of there I thought I was going to need a nap in the parking garage. I usually suck at buffets because I get full too quick, and although I doubt if I ate $30 worth of food, I was satisfied, so that's all that counts. I made 3 rounds of the huge buffet. Round 1 was french toast with peaches and strawberries, bacon, egg fritatta and some fried chicken. Round 2 was full of pasta and starches: spaghetti, chicken Parmesan, garlic bread, greens, cornbread, mac and cheese, peel and eat shrimp and fried shrimp, that I couldn't even finish because I needed to leave room for dessert. And speaking of, round 3, which happened about 10 minutes after round 2 ended was the answer to my prayers. Usually when I go to buffet's I'm disappointed by the dessert options, but this one had everything: ice cream, cheesecake, several different types of cake and a crepe station. Yes, I said crepes. And since I had never had one before, I had to indulge. It was custard filled and topped with strawberries and REAL whipped cream. It covered my whole plate, so the only other thing I could fit on it was a cheesecake pop that I literally took one bite out of. I had to stop before I made myself sick. Next time I will start with dessert. Don't judge me.

Me before it went down at the buffet.

Later that day I was scrolling FB and saw that Orange Leaf was going to be open for a couple hours. Since I had been preparing to sing that morning, ice cream was out of the question all week, so I got up and got me some FroYo for dinner. 

Orange Leaf. Yumm!

Monday- As if my last two days had not been full of bliss, I was craving waffles so I made some and they were the bomb dot com. I topped them with strawberries and added scrambled eggs with cheese and bacon to the meal. It was the first time in a long time where I didn't have to share my bacon.

Day 9: How Important is Education?

As someone who is currently considering furthering my education in a master's degree program, I can honestly say that education is very important. Not just the institutional kind, either. There is too much technology, too many outlets and Google is too good of a resource for people not to educate themselves on whatever it is that interests them. Like they say, knowledge is power and if you want to be the most powerful person on your block, or in your family or at your job, then you have to take the initiative to empower yourself with information. Yes, I'm slightly a know it all, but I don't rub it in people's faces. I will take a class in a heartbeat because I am naturally curious and interested in many things. If there is something I don't know or understand, I'm not okay with just continuing to be dumb about it. I look into it and if after looking into it I find that I'm no longer interested, than so be it, at least I have the knowledge and understanding of it to know that I'm no longer interested. (Hashtag- "Message!")

I always tell my kids not to play dumb. All that "I don't get it" or "it's too hard" are phases that I don't tolerate. I will admit, it took me a minute to figure out this new math with the grouping and other unnecessary nonsense they do instead of carry the number over, but we practiced it until it was no longer hard to do.

Now, do I believe that everyone should get a college education? No, because I realize that college is not for everyone. But, there are skill trades out there that can be satisfying and financially rewarding if given the chance. And the good thing is, it is never too late. There are no age restrictions when it comes to taking a class at a community college.

Day 10: First 10 Songs that Play on My Music Player

First, let me throw out another disclaimer. I had to take a lot of my music off my iPhone so that I could make more room, so all that's left is music that I lowkey just could not remove either for sentimental reasons or it just would not let me. Plus, I'm currently a freeloader on Pandora and Spotify. So here goes.

1. "Lose Control" by Raheem DeVaughn- One of my favorite neosoul swooners turned it up with this house mix. I like to turn this all the way up and dance it out when this come on. BTW, it's 9 minutes long. Yaasss!

2. "Until Then (I Imagine)" by Jill Scott- It's Jill, no explanation needed really, but she was a little explicit on these lyrics.

3. "Love All Over Me" by Monica- I still belting this song out. It's a great love song.

4. "There Goes My Baby" by Usher- This was the ringtone for my hubby for a few years. Can't go wrong with Usher, baby.

5. "Super Hero" by Raheem DeVaughn- I have to admit, I usually skip this song, not because it wasn't nice, but it's a ballad about his mama so I can't get turned up or chilled out on it. No shade.

6. "Golden Days" by Kem, feat Jill Scott- So imagine this: Kem is sing/scatting over this slow, mellow jazzy beat and then Jill comes in and  just kills you with her spoken word poem. Hashtag they did that.

7. "Let Me In" by Anthony David- I love this man's voice. It's this perfect combination of smooth and raspy, mellow and harsh and just plain butta. If you've never heard his voice, do yourself a favor and get your life.

8. "Long Hard Road" by Sade- The Smooth Operator killed me softly with her latest album. I felt like I needed to sit in the dark, sipping on a glass of wine to listen to this song, but when I emerged, I felt better about life. I guess if you needed to compare her, she is the original Adele.

9. "Matter of Time (Unplugged)" by Kem- Kem's voice over guitar strings and a drum is the definition of soul music.

10. "Le BOOM Vent Suite" by Jill Scott- This is my JAM! I always imagine myself performing this at a small jazzy type venue. I especially like when the beat changes to a whole nother song and it goes from an up tempo jazzy beat to this slow and sexy R&B swag. 

Until Next Time!

Wishing you Love, Peace and Soul Deep Beauty,

Rhonda

30 Day Writing Challenge: Days 4-7

***Disclaimer- Yes, I realize that I started this last month, but I told y'all I have never been successful with these challenges. (Insert shrugging emoji.)

Day 4: Bullet your whole day

So a regular day for me usually consists of work, choir, kids, husband and food. I decided to bullet point my day off instead. My hubby had the day off too, so he treated me to breakfast. And I actually got pictures before I devoured it.

7 am- Woke up the kids for school. We had some time to kill after breakfast so I sent them and hubby out to clear the snow off the front porch but it had turned to ice. The put down salt instead.

I decide to try and finish my coloring journal.

9am- After dropping off the kids, Hubby treated me to Cracker Barrel. I had been dreaming about this French toast with peach topping all week!

11 am- We needed to walk down that breakfast so we went out to Lakeside Mall with the retirees and stay at home moms. 

12 Noon- (Clears throat) Quality time with the hubby.

4 pm- Bed: Hubby picked up the kids from school. We (hubby and I)watched a few comedy specials on Comedy Central including Kevin Hart and Trevor Noah. We ate chicken salads for dinner and pretty much chilled the rest of the night. It was the perfect day off.

Day 5- Things You Want To Say To An Ex

Well, I don't have an ex. My husband was my one and only boyfriend. But, there were dudes that figured out that they would forever be in the friend zone so they stopped reaching out. So to those guys I guess I would insert the peace fingers emoticon and say, "Hope all is well...Deuces." 

Day 6- Views on Mainstream Music

There are two occasions where I listen to mainstream music: (1) when I'm at somebody elses house and I don't have a choice and (2) when I'm in a funky mood and I need to twerk it out. The rest of the time I am listening to neosoul, gospel or smooth r&b. 

I was a senior in college when I realized that the mainstream, popular urban hits were not for me. I had a one hour commute to school and became disgusted on many occasion and just rode in silence because I din't understand how people can wake up to Lil Wayne at seven in the morning. As I became a parent, I knew that what I introduced my children too was important to their upbringing and I knew that songs like "Lollipop" and "Get Low", AKA "To the windows, to the wall", were not songs I wanted my children to recite in preschool. 

Something happened where we lost all our integrity, hold nothing sacred and started creating a code for everything: "superman" and "watermelon" have taken on brand new meanings and it is just too much sometimes. I'll stick to my Neo Soul, Gospel and Smooth R&B.

Day 7- Five Pet Peeves

1. Wasted food- When my kids come home with uneaten lunches, it drives me crazy. 

2. Holey socks- there is nothing more uncomfortable than having your toe sticking out that hole in your sock all day, or when my kids have their entire heel sticking out of their socks. Even though I fuss about not having money to waste food, throw the sock away. We'll be alright. 

3. People who don't discipline their bad kids. This really needs no explanation, but if you know your child needs to be snatched up, don't bring them around me because my reflexes might kick in.

4. Bad drivers- I know my blood pressure goes up during my commute. People just can not drive. Here are a few things to consider. Do not drive slow in the fast lane. Do not switch lanes like you are having a seizure or other medical emergency. Do not do the most to get in front of me, then ride your brakes for 2 miles before you turn. Do not stare at me and think I'm going to be intimidated and let you in. I am opposed to road rage, but God ain't thru with me yet. This ain't what you want.

5. Liars- Once I catch you in a lie, you will forever be known as a liar and anything you say or do will be suspect. It's better for everyone involved just to be honest. 

Until next time!

Wishing you Love, peace and Soul Deep Beauty,

Rhonda