10 ways to raise independent children

It seems like every time I look at my children, they have grown somehow. Their shoes are too tight or jeans are either too long to be capris or too short to be pants. That lets me know that the inevitable is happening and they are growing up on me. As hard as it is too accept the fact that my babies are growing up, my husband and I have to do our duty and raise them in a way that will prepare them for adulthood. For me, that's making sure that they are able to make good, sound decisions.

So here are 10 ways to raise independent children.

1. Give them choices. My children pick out their clothes everyday. Now, I might give them guidelines or veto an outfit due to size, clashing colors or just "no" reasons, but I let them express themselves thru their choice of clothing.

2. Let them make their own lunches. I used to make the best lunches for my kids. There would be a protein, some fruit, veggies, a healthy snack and a fruit drink. My lunches were so bomb that I would get complements from their teachers- no lie- about how great they were and other parents should use me as an example. But, as good as they looked when I sent them to school, they would come back barely eaten when the kids got home. They didn't eat them, so I felt they would appreciate it more, or at least eat more if they made their lunch themselves.

3. Make them clean their own rooms. While I usually do a deep spring and fall cleaning of my kids room to get rid of old toys and clothes, they clean their own rooms majority of the time, including vacuuming and wiping the mirrors down.

4. Spend time with them. We have a family game night or movie night at least once a month. Right now our favorite game is Jenga Throw and Go, but our last movie night watching the latest Lego Movie ended with us all falling asleep. We saw Boss Baby at the theater, that was good though.

5. Be honest with them. I never want to give my kids the impression that they can't come to me for the truth. Even if I feel that a conversation is not age appropriate, I will let them know. I just tell them that they are not the right age yet, and when they are we'll talk. I've been able to dodge the birds and bees conversation so far with this line, but we graze the topic every now and then.

6. Have them help you cook. I often bring my kids in the kitchen to help me. We usually bake so that I can show them the difference between measurements and how to follow a recipe. We're still working on cracking eggs without making a mess, but we'll get there.  

7. Let them order their meals while out. Whenever we take our kids out to eat we have them order their own meals. To me, this teaches them decision making skills and basically how to talk to people in a public setting. I can't stand when I hear teenagers mumble their way thru life. It makes me want to scream- Speak up! And get some act right!

8. Reassure them that they have a voice and its important to be heard. This kind of piggy backs off of the previous statement that kids need to know that what they have to say is important to, as long as they are respectable of other people. During our family meetings, my kids have the opportunity to have the floor and give their opinion about a new rule or offer plans for the next family game night. This gives them confidence in voicing their opinion and lets them know that they are valued. We will not just disregard them because they're kids.

9. Stop negative talk. Have you ever done something so dumb, that you literally say it out loud to yourself, "Girl, you dumb"? Well, it was a small habit I had to break when I heard my kids doing the same. Even though I would only say it to myself as a reminder to get it together, I didn't want them to internalize it as truth. Everybody makes mistakes, but talking negatively about ourselves or others is not allowed. 

10. Love them  unconditionally. This should be a given, but as parents we have to remember to love our kids thru the good and the bad. Thru the laughs, the tears, the good or bad grades, the hugs and eye rolls, we have to help guide them with love. 

Bonus- Let them go. I'm selfish with my kids. After many years of arguing gentle persuasion, I finally let my kids travel without myself or my husband. They went down South for NINE DAYS and I am anxiously waiting for their return. I know that they are kind, smart, no nonsense kids and they always have angels watching over them, so they are going to be just fine. It just took me a while to realize that I could never put their true independence to the test without giving them an experience to use it.  

So shout out to all the parents who are raising their kids to be independent, and may the odds be ever in your favor.

Forever Loving my B.A.D.D. Kids,
Rhonda

Under attack in my own home

 

My family is under attack.  We were busy living our lives and we ignored the signs. Deep down I knew it would happen eventually, but not to this magnitude. All I remember about the day it started are the screams, the terror and the fear. It was on a bright Tuesday morning that we realized that our peace of mind was being challenged and our lives would never be the same. It was on this day that spiders tried to overtake our home.

Anybody who knows me, understands my feelings towards bugs of any kind. I hate them. I have a physical reaction of fear whenever I see them and if I had it my way, they all would be dead. We had seen the warning signs: the weather was getting nicer, we were getting exterminator literature in the mail, and the biggest sign of all- we would cross paths with spider webs in our laundry room quite frequently. Maybe it was denial, or maybe I just didn't want to face the fact that we were going to have to one day acknowledge them and either let them take over or hand over the money to get the house sprayed. 

It really started Monday night when a huge black ant was crawling all over the top of my dresser. He was moving really fast over my books I had lined up in the storage compartment. I called my husband in to "take care of him", and he did, while also looking to see if any of his friends were lurking around. He was alone so that was the end of it, so we thought.

The next morning, while preparing breakfast for my family I spilled blueberries all over the floor. While I was sweeping them up, I saw a huge white spider amongst the fallen and I moved a couple to the side so that I could crush him under my feet. As I was emptying the blueberries into the trash can, my daughter let out a scream that was so terrifying that I thought that Michael Myers, Jason, Freddie and the killer clowns were all standing in my kitchen. I turned around and saw her pointing to the wall that separated the kitchen and the dinning room. The spiders must have heard about the ant going out by himself and decided to bring reinforcements. There he was, another huge white spider and he was angry. He saw what I had just done to his boy so he was frantic and running all over the place. He tried to get away and ran from the wall onto a tote bag that was in the corner of the dinning room. I still had the broom in my hand so without hesitation I swept him to the floor and stomped on him hard. I could feel his body being crushed through my flexible house shoe.

After I went to scrap the remains of the two dead bodies off my shoe into the trash bin I looked at my purse, which was located right next to the tote bag. I saw something there, but wasn't sure. My purse is blue and there seemed to be a beige spot on it. Or is it a shadow? The only light I had was the one from the kitchen, so I turned around, flicked on the light and stared back at another spider. He didn't run like the last one did. He just looked back at me. For about 5 seconds we just stared each other down, waiting for each other to make the move. I noticed my purse was open so I decided it was time to make a go for it before he decided to run towards it and hide out amongst my bank cards and lip gloss. I swept him to the ground too, and he received the same fate as his homies. They thought from past experience that if they came out in a group and triple teamed me that I was going to be scared and run. They thought they had a punk on their hands. But, they found out that when it comes down to protecting my babies, I am a savage and I will not back down until I get every. single. one.

So to the spiders, tell the rest of your family, your cousins the ants, the centipedes, the big fat rolley polley bugs I don't know the names for, and those insects with the pinchers on the end, I am not playing no games with y'all this year. You step up to me, you will get dealt with. I will not be defeated. This is your last and final warning. Oh, and sorry for your loss. #savage

Forever loving my B.A.D.D. Kids,

Rhonda

Edit note- At press time, the house had been exterminated by my husband who set off foggers instead of calling specialists due to being cheap high costs. 

Encouraging Daddy-Daughter Relationships

I'm proud to be a daddy's girl. My dad and I didn't always see eye to eye, especially when I came to the driving and dating age, but I could always count on him. When I was into sports, he was there for the games and the practices. He was in attendance for every recital and talent show, and he screened every boy who called the house. Before he passed away, he often gave me a heads up on men and how they act in marriage. Of course, he was right, so when things started to happen I was already prepared and was able to handle certain situations with a calm reserve. The advise he has given me through my lifetime has been immeasurable and I appreciate the relationship that we had. I could only hope that all girls get to have that relationship with their dads.

That's why I'm so glad that my daughter is a daddy's girl, too. Of course she's too young for deep life lessons, but the relationship that she and her dad share is setting the tone for the relationships she will have with men for the rest of her life. He understands the importance of it as well, and I was so proud of him when he took her to their first Daddy-Daughter Dance last week.

The week leading up to it he knew he had to do it right and wanted to not only show her a good time, but show her how a gentleman should treat a lady. They were dressed to the nines, he bought her a corsage (#DaddySwag) and actually did a little two step with her on the dance floor. (Believe me, that alone is huge for my slightly rhythmically challenged husband.) They both came back with big smiles on their faces, showing off pics and videos from the night.

I didn't even know that they still had events like this, but I'm glad that they do. This is one tradition that should never die. Dads all across the world should make it their mission to help nurture the relationships between their daughters. Your dad is supposed to be your protector, your teacher, your provider. Some would even say that your husband should reflect the relationship that you have with your dad.

So if he's was never present or active in your life, how do you know what to model that relationship on? There is no such thing as a perfect parent but, if you never even try to be that example in your child's life you've already failed.

Chime in! Do you believe that daddy-daughter bonds are important? What's the most memorable moment you've had with your dad?

Forever Loving my B.A.D.D. Kids,

Rhonda

Love and Marriage: A Year of Dates- March

Well, once again, parenthood took a front seat to our date night and my husband and I spent our evening with not only our kids, but several others. If you saw February's date night post, then you may be realizing that they are not going as planned.

Here's what we were supposed to be doing: A night out on the town in a surrounding city that we don't frequent too often. I had chosen Royal Oak, because it's been at least 2 or 3 years since my business closed and I haven't been there in a while. I am definitely a foodie and wanted to hit up a couple of places on Main St.

Mission Impossible

But, as our date night approached, my popular children were invited to not one, but 3 birthday parties that Friday and Saturday, so our date night was spent at Pump it Up and Air Time. Our kids are old enough that we don't have to chase them around, we just make sure we get our eyes on them every now and then. I usually get irritated going to places like these because everybody's children aren't as well behaved as mine :) but everything flowed smoothly and I didn't feel the need to snatch somebody's kid up not once. Plus, my husband had as much fun as the kids did.

My husband @ Pump It Up.

My kids and their friends at Air Time.

There was music, pizza and ice cream and cake times two, so I had no complaints (as you know, I can eat). We'll get our official date night eventually. Until then, I guess the family date nights will do.

Any ideas for a family date night?

Forever loving my B.A.D.D. Kids,
 Rhonda

My Life in Pictures: The Uninvited Guest

It has been quite a week for me and I am pretty exhausted by it all. Here's what happened...

1.

1. It was parent teacher conference time and this time around the kids had to run the show. There were power point presentations and group projects that were very impressive for elementary school. My kids are doing great, as I expected and are both above their reading level. Another proud mommy moment for me.

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2. I have been contemplating a trim/cut for a while now and when I saw the shapes if these wigs on Instagram I knew it was about to go down. As soon as I make my final decision on the diva cut I want, me and my scissors are going to have at it. I'll keep you posted.

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3. So there's my hubby, my hero, who went in a ditch to get my tire that had popped off my car while I was driving. He told me to come home when I complained of the shaking and rattling noises I was hearing. I didn't want to cause I had things to do, but I'm so glad that I did because things could have been a whole lot worse if I was still on the highway. Thank God for his intuition.

4.

4. We had an uninvited guest staying in our garage this week. We don't know how long he was there or where in the world he was hiding, but the other morning as we starred each other down, I knew he had to go. Thanks to my neighbors, who are equipped with just about everything, we were able to trap the possum and are going to call animal control to come get him. This defiantly was better than the alternative which would have involved my husband and I screaming and having a fit trying to chase him up out of there.

That was my eventful week, how was yours?

Rhonda