How to set goals and achieve them

 

It's May and we are almost at the mid way part of the year. When I think about the goals I set for myself and my family, I'm glad that I've accomplished a good portion of what I set out to do. I may have fallen by the wayside on some things, but the good news is, I still have time- and so do you.

I am a list maker. It is an obnoxious, yet necessary habit that I've had probably since college.  If I have to run errands, there's a list of places I need to go. I keep my my bi-monthly budget handy in list format in one of my many journals. And I dare not go to the grocery store without my list and meal plans for the week. My purse and journals are full of sticky notes with illegible words scrambled on them. List's make me feel organized and keep me on tract despite my self-inflicted distractions.

My list making is not only for errands, I feel that making lists of life goals are important as well. Whether it's something I want to do next week or next year, when I write it down, it makes it concrete. It makes it more than just something I said and turns it into an actual goal.  And when I break it down into attainable steps, it makes it easier to achieve, instead of this thing that is just looming out in the atmosphere. As they say, a goal without a plan is just a wish. So let me give you some real simple tips on how to set goals and actually achieve them.

Step 1: Figure out what you want and write it down.
Have you every had that "what do you want to eat conversation?" You know that your hungry, but don't know what you're hungry for. It seems simple, but sometimes we just don't know what we want in life. Just sit for awhile and think about the things that would improve your quality of life. Do you want a new job, or to lose weigh tor take that family vacation? Do you want to change your financial status or go back to school? No matter what it is, big or small, write it down. Whether it's something that you feel is attainable or is a one in a million chance of happening. Just by you writing it down, you are starting the process of the law of attraction. Those things that you put out in the atmosphere will be drawn to you.

Step 2: Break it down.
When I looked at my list of goals, I couldn't let it overwhelm me. One of the items on my list was to get in better shape. I know that I wasn't going to magically wake up and be several pounds down. There was going to have to be not only a plan involved, but some effort and sweat equity. So I had to break it down to baby steps. It looked something like this.

Get in shape!

1. Clean Eating- at least 80% of the time

      a. Cook more, no buying food at work
b. Take-out only on week-ends

2. Work out

a. Mon, Thurs, Sat

b. Cardio, weight train, yoga, dance

3. Less stress

a. Take time to read and meditate

b. Weekly facial or bougie bath on Sundays 

So after I practiced one step, I went on to the other. It didn't matter that it took me probably four months of eating better before I started working out. As long as I did it. Which brings me to the next step.

Step 3: Be consistent.

This is the part that most people struggle with. It's cool when you first start out and you're excited and on a mission, and then out of no where the magic fades and you don't feel as enthusiastic as you did when you first started out. So you slow down a bit, and casually make your way thru life and the next thing you know, you don't even actively work on your goal anymore. So this is where you have to be intentional about creating a good habit in your life. I read somewhere that it takes 21 days to make or break a habit, so when I am trying to create good habits in my life, I trick myself into being addicted to that thing for 21 days in hopes that it sticks and stays in my way of life.  

Step 4: Reward yourself along the way.
Who says your hard work and effort has to go un-rewarded? Little victories should always be celebrated, if only to keep you motivated for the next celebration. Not that I needed outside approval to verify that my weight loss journey was working, but when people started to notice the change, I treated myself to some more weight loss equipment, I bought two yoga balls (different sizes) and some thigh slimmers for the #NoThunderThighs movement.

Step 5: Be okay with setbacks.
Of course, my plan to workout 3 times a week didn't always happen. There is always something going on in my life, so maybe I skipped a workout due to a choir rehearsal, or I had to take my kids somewhere, or maybe I just was too tired. It's okay if it doesn't go exactly as planned, the important thing is to get it together once things get back to normal.

The time is now to get out of your comfort zone. How can you see who you were destined to be if you're not willing to push yourself past your self-induced limits. Get it together, write it down and make it plain. I got yo back and I believe that you can do anything that you set your mind to.

Wishing you Love, Peace and Soul Deep Beauty,
Rhonda 

30 Day Challenge- Days 22-24

Day 22- My Academics
There's one thing I truly believe in and that is education. As I mentioned in Day 9's post, I will take a class in a heart beat because I am naturally curious and intrigued by a lot of things. I have taken classes for make-up, sewing and dance in my adult life. As far as college/ trade school education, I received my bachelors degree in 2003, then I graduated from Michigan College of Beauty, followed by Astute Artistry in 2010 and now, I am considering pursing my master's in counseling. It's still a decision I am pondering/praying on and I will know the answer eventually. I'll keep you posted on my final decision.


Day 23- Something that I miss
Truth be told, I miss dancing. Not the two step, or praise dancing. I do that every Sunday. What I miss is that dancing that makes you feel free, where the music is flowing through your veins and the only way to let it go is to hip drop or twerk it out. Dancing is the best exercise for me because it's fun, it involves music and if you doing it right it can help you bring sexy back.

Look, don't judge me. I am saved, sanctified and filled with the holy ghost, but I can hip roll with the best of them. The last time I felt a little twerk in my spirit, I went in my basement, put Pandora on the Missy Elliot station and got it in. Sometimes I belly dance too. I just put my hip scarf on and shang-a-lang-a-lang to whatever song comes on. S/N- the most recent cut I've been chiming to is Prince's "1,000 X's and O's" (may he rest in peace). Seeing as I don't go out like that anymore, it's been a while since I had these hips rocking to some Bey and Rhianna out of the comfort of my own home, but I wouldn't be against it if I could find a place that I'm comfortable in and where people actually dance and not sit there and stare at you like you crazy.


Day 24- Five Phrases That Make Me Laugh
I am either too tired, or this topic is too vague for me to comprehend right now. I laugh at everything. I believe that laughter is the best medicine and life is too short to be so serious all the time. I also peep everything, so say we are in a room full of people and something happens that nobody else seems to notice, I will scan the room to see if anybody else saw. Then at that beautiful moment when our eyes meet and we both have that look of disbelief, I just crack up. Don't judge me, you know you've done it too.

I honestly can't think of phrases that make me laugh right now. I can't even think of funny quotes from movies...Hmmm...I love watching stand-up on Comedy Central. Yeah, let's go with that. My fav's are Kevin Heart and Chris Rock. I watch their specials anytime I see them on. I love Kevin because he's an awesome story teller. Chris is good because he is smart and political and will have you thinking about some things afterwards. The same with Trevor Noah (the new host of the Daily Show). I've only seen two of his specials, but he was really good. And, an honorable mention goes out to the pimp himself- Katt Williams. Yes, he curses. ALOT. And he is crazy (in real life). But, his specials literally have me crying.

I think I'm going to go watch some comedy shows on Netflix. How bout you?

Wishing you Love, peace and Soul Deep Beauty,
 Rhonda 

30 Day Writing Challenge: Days 8- 10

Day 8: What I Ate Today

This may be breaking the rules, but I had the BEST meals I've had in a long time a few week-ends ago. It was Easter Week-end, my family was out of town, and I got my big girl dreams on. So I have to tell you what I ate over the course of those two days.q

Saturday- All I had was a bagel for breakfast, but for lunch/ dinner I went to Bankok Cuisine near my house and got me some Tai Food. It has been a long time, but it was everything! I can't remember the tai name but it was basically the chicken fried rice with onion, tomatoes and pineapple. It was so good that I didn't care about the burnt mouth I was getting from the food being too hot.

Sunday- After church, my mom and I went to the casino for their brunch buffet and let me tell you, I was so full when I walked out of there I thought I was going to need a nap in the parking garage. I usually suck at buffets because I get full too quick, and although I doubt if I ate $30 worth of food, I was satisfied, so that's all that counts. I made 3 rounds of the huge buffet. Round 1 was french toast with peaches and strawberries, bacon, egg fritatta and some fried chicken. Round 2 was full of pasta and starches: spaghetti, chicken Parmesan, garlic bread, greens, cornbread, mac and cheese, peel and eat shrimp and fried shrimp, that I couldn't even finish because I needed to leave room for dessert. And speaking of, round 3, which happened about 10 minutes after round 2 ended was the answer to my prayers. Usually when I go to buffet's I'm disappointed by the dessert options, but this one had everything: ice cream, cheesecake, several different types of cake and a crepe station. Yes, I said crepes. And since I had never had one before, I had to indulge. It was custard filled and topped with strawberries and REAL whipped cream. It covered my whole plate, so the only other thing I could fit on it was a cheesecake pop that I literally took one bite out of. I had to stop before I made myself sick. Next time I will start with dessert. Don't judge me.

Me before it went down at the buffet.

Later that day I was scrolling FB and saw that Orange Leaf was going to be open for a couple hours. Since I had been preparing to sing that morning, ice cream was out of the question all week, so I got up and got me some FroYo for dinner. 

Orange Leaf. Yumm!

Monday- As if my last two days had not been full of bliss, I was craving waffles so I made some and they were the bomb dot com. I topped them with strawberries and added scrambled eggs with cheese and bacon to the meal. It was the first time in a long time where I didn't have to share my bacon.

Day 9: How Important is Education?

As someone who is currently considering furthering my education in a master's degree program, I can honestly say that education is very important. Not just the institutional kind, either. There is too much technology, too many outlets and Google is too good of a resource for people not to educate themselves on whatever it is that interests them. Like they say, knowledge is power and if you want to be the most powerful person on your block, or in your family or at your job, then you have to take the initiative to empower yourself with information. Yes, I'm slightly a know it all, but I don't rub it in people's faces. I will take a class in a heartbeat because I am naturally curious and interested in many things. If there is something I don't know or understand, I'm not okay with just continuing to be dumb about it. I look into it and if after looking into it I find that I'm no longer interested, than so be it, at least I have the knowledge and understanding of it to know that I'm no longer interested. (Hashtag- "Message!")

I always tell my kids not to play dumb. All that "I don't get it" or "it's too hard" are phases that I don't tolerate. I will admit, it took me a minute to figure out this new math with the grouping and other unnecessary nonsense they do instead of carry the number over, but we practiced it until it was no longer hard to do.

Now, do I believe that everyone should get a college education? No, because I realize that college is not for everyone. But, there are skill trades out there that can be satisfying and financially rewarding if given the chance. And the good thing is, it is never too late. There are no age restrictions when it comes to taking a class at a community college.

Day 10: First 10 Songs that Play on My Music Player

First, let me throw out another disclaimer. I had to take a lot of my music off my iPhone so that I could make more room, so all that's left is music that I lowkey just could not remove either for sentimental reasons or it just would not let me. Plus, I'm currently a freeloader on Pandora and Spotify. So here goes.

1. "Lose Control" by Raheem DeVaughn- One of my favorite neosoul swooners turned it up with this house mix. I like to turn this all the way up and dance it out when this come on. BTW, it's 9 minutes long. Yaasss!

2. "Until Then (I Imagine)" by Jill Scott- It's Jill, no explanation needed really, but she was a little explicit on these lyrics.

3. "Love All Over Me" by Monica- I still belting this song out. It's a great love song.

4. "There Goes My Baby" by Usher- This was the ringtone for my hubby for a few years. Can't go wrong with Usher, baby.

5. "Super Hero" by Raheem DeVaughn- I have to admit, I usually skip this song, not because it wasn't nice, but it's a ballad about his mama so I can't get turned up or chilled out on it. No shade.

6. "Golden Days" by Kem, feat Jill Scott- So imagine this: Kem is sing/scatting over this slow, mellow jazzy beat and then Jill comes in and  just kills you with her spoken word poem. Hashtag they did that.

7. "Let Me In" by Anthony David- I love this man's voice. It's this perfect combination of smooth and raspy, mellow and harsh and just plain butta. If you've never heard his voice, do yourself a favor and get your life.

8. "Long Hard Road" by Sade- The Smooth Operator killed me softly with her latest album. I felt like I needed to sit in the dark, sipping on a glass of wine to listen to this song, but when I emerged, I felt better about life. I guess if you needed to compare her, she is the original Adele.

9. "Matter of Time (Unplugged)" by Kem- Kem's voice over guitar strings and a drum is the definition of soul music.

10. "Le BOOM Vent Suite" by Jill Scott- This is my JAM! I always imagine myself performing this at a small jazzy type venue. I especially like when the beat changes to a whole nother song and it goes from an up tempo jazzy beat to this slow and sexy R&B swag. 

Until Next Time!

Wishing you Love, Peace and Soul Deep Beauty,

Rhonda

30 Day Writing Challenge: Days 4-7

***Disclaimer- Yes, I realize that I started this last month, but I told y'all I have never been successful with these challenges. (Insert shrugging emoji.)

Day 4: Bullet your whole day

So a regular day for me usually consists of work, choir, kids, husband and food. I decided to bullet point my day off instead. My hubby had the day off too, so he treated me to breakfast. And I actually got pictures before I devoured it.

7 am- Woke up the kids for school. We had some time to kill after breakfast so I sent them and hubby out to clear the snow off the front porch but it had turned to ice. The put down salt instead.

I decide to try and finish my coloring journal.

9am- After dropping off the kids, Hubby treated me to Cracker Barrel. I had been dreaming about this French toast with peach topping all week!

11 am- We needed to walk down that breakfast so we went out to Lakeside Mall with the retirees and stay at home moms. 

12 Noon- (Clears throat) Quality time with the hubby.

4 pm- Bed: Hubby picked up the kids from school. We (hubby and I)watched a few comedy specials on Comedy Central including Kevin Hart and Trevor Noah. We ate chicken salads for dinner and pretty much chilled the rest of the night. It was the perfect day off.

Day 5- Things You Want To Say To An Ex

Well, I don't have an ex. My husband was my one and only boyfriend. But, there were dudes that figured out that they would forever be in the friend zone so they stopped reaching out. So to those guys I guess I would insert the peace fingers emoticon and say, "Hope all is well...Deuces." 

Day 6- Views on Mainstream Music

There are two occasions where I listen to mainstream music: (1) when I'm at somebody elses house and I don't have a choice and (2) when I'm in a funky mood and I need to twerk it out. The rest of the time I am listening to neosoul, gospel or smooth r&b. 

I was a senior in college when I realized that the mainstream, popular urban hits were not for me. I had a one hour commute to school and became disgusted on many occasion and just rode in silence because I din't understand how people can wake up to Lil Wayne at seven in the morning. As I became a parent, I knew that what I introduced my children too was important to their upbringing and I knew that songs like "Lollipop" and "Get Low", AKA "To the windows, to the wall", were not songs I wanted my children to recite in preschool. 

Something happened where we lost all our integrity, hold nothing sacred and started creating a code for everything: "superman" and "watermelon" have taken on brand new meanings and it is just too much sometimes. I'll stick to my Neo Soul, Gospel and Smooth R&B.

Day 7- Five Pet Peeves

1. Wasted food- When my kids come home with uneaten lunches, it drives me crazy. 

2. Holey socks- there is nothing more uncomfortable than having your toe sticking out that hole in your sock all day, or when my kids have their entire heel sticking out of their socks. Even though I fuss about not having money to waste food, throw the sock away. We'll be alright. 

3. People who don't discipline their bad kids. This really needs no explanation, but if you know your child needs to be snatched up, don't bring them around me because my reflexes might kick in.

4. Bad drivers- I know my blood pressure goes up during my commute. People just can not drive. Here are a few things to consider. Do not drive slow in the fast lane. Do not switch lanes like you are having a seizure or other medical emergency. Do not do the most to get in front of me, then ride your brakes for 2 miles before you turn. Do not stare at me and think I'm going to be intimidated and let you in. I am opposed to road rage, but God ain't thru with me yet. This ain't what you want.

5. Liars- Once I catch you in a lie, you will forever be known as a liar and anything you say or do will be suspect. It's better for everyone involved just to be honest. 

Until next time!

Wishing you Love, peace and Soul Deep Beauty,

Rhonda

My Life in Photos

1. My son had a day with the boys at his friends house last week-end. So we took little mama to Orange Leaf for some frozen yogurt. As can be expected she was all smiles. Who can be mad when froyo is involved?

2. I love when the weather is warm enough to be on the Detroit Riverwalk. I've been about 3 times in as many weeks. Once, to sing at an event our choir was invited to at the Detroit Marriott, then I went to the Praise Fest at Hart Plaza, and again last week between work and rehearsal. If they start having food trucks out there I'll never leave.

3. The final results of the haircut heard round the world. My FB family and friends are the silliest and most supportive folks I know. Even when it took me a couple days to really fall in love with the cut, they were all down with it. My mom, who responded first to the pic with my hair on the counter with, "What did you do?", even liked it. The jury is still out on if I'm going to keep it shorter or grow it out again. I'll keep you posted.

4. My Mother's Day was the bomb dot com. I received homemade cards, flowers, candy, wine and baby girl even gave me $2. My son's card made me proud. Part of it was a fill in the blank and one question said: "I love my mom the most because she always: keeps her promises." and "I know my mom loves me because she: gives me big hugs filled with love." But, I had to give him the side eye when I read, "What was your mom like before she became your mom: pretty and skinny." We gone have to have a little talk about that one.

After church, I kicked my feet up and enjoyed a meal prepared by my hubby. I was happy to be presented with such heartfelt gifts and was able to do the same for my Mom as I surprised her with a basket of goodies that included a cookbook of family recipes passed down from my Grandma. Overall, a good time was had by all.

How was you Mother's Day?

Forever Loving my B.A.D.D. Kids,
Rhonda  

The Mom Timeout

I need a timeout. I have been pulled in a million directions and want to give my superwoman cape a rest. After last week's happenings, I have reached the point where I just need to be sent to my room or told to face the wall in the corner before I loose it. Since, I know that's not going to happen, I'm going to take myself away from some situations by putting myself on a time out.

So here's a short list of some things I plan to do all by my lonesome to relax, relate and release.

My fun things to do alone:
Go to the movies. I am no stranger to hitting the theatre alone. I actually prefer it. I get to eat all my nachos and I don't have to share the armrest.

Go to lunch or dinner. Although I frequent Panera Bread as my solo lunch spot, anywhere good food is, I will follow.

Get ice cream or froyo. I am not ashamed of ordering a waffle bowl sundae and eating it in the store or in my car. In my own ride I get to listen to music I want to hear.

Go to a museum. I love anything artistic and there is nothing like going to the Detroit Institute of Arts and looking at all the work on display. It gets your mind off the crazy day to day and helps you focus on what's beautiful in the world.

Have a spa day. It's time to woosahh, believe me your body will thank you for it.

Explore the bookstore. I am still a book person. I love the feel and smell of books, the art of holding something tangible. I could, and have spent hours in a bookstore before and it is awesome.

People watch at the mall. People are very interesting, especially when they think nobody is watching. Plus, it's a small world so you might run into somebody you know.

Go for a walk. As we all know, exercise releases those feel good endorphins and you can up the ante by walking a nice bike trail or at the park.

Shop. Speaking of endorphins, my heart skips a beat when I find something cute on sale. And although I love internet shopping, I have to admit that the instant gratification of carrying bags home is more satisfying than having to wait patiently for my package to come in the mail.

Stay the night at a hotel. Sometimes I like to reflect back to the time when I was single (spoken for, but not married), no kids and I stayed by my doggone self. Not that I don't love my family, but there is no such thing as privacy. Sometimes I just need a moment to just be to myself and reboot. In a perfect world, I would take a week-end and do all of the above.

So that's my mommy timeout list, what's yours?

Forever loving my B.A.D.D. Kids,
Rhonda