10 ways to raise independent children

It seems like every time I look at my children, they have grown somehow. Their shoes are too tight or jeans are either too long to be capris or too short to be pants. That lets me know that the inevitable is happening and they are growing up on me. As hard as it is too accept the fact that my babies are growing up, my husband and I have to do our duty and raise them in a way that will prepare them for adulthood. For me, that's making sure that they are able to make good, sound decisions.

So here are 10 ways to raise independent children.

1. Give them choices. My children pick out their clothes everyday. Now, I might give them guidelines or veto an outfit due to size, clashing colors or just "no" reasons, but I let them express themselves thru their choice of clothing.

2. Let them make their own lunches. I used to make the best lunches for my kids. There would be a protein, some fruit, veggies, a healthy snack and a fruit drink. My lunches were so bomb that I would get complements from their teachers- no lie- about how great they were and other parents should use me as an example. But, as good as they looked when I sent them to school, they would come back barely eaten when the kids got home. They didn't eat them, so I felt they would appreciate it more, or at least eat more if they made their lunch themselves.

3. Make them clean their own rooms. While I usually do a deep spring and fall cleaning of my kids room to get rid of old toys and clothes, they clean their own rooms majority of the time, including vacuuming and wiping the mirrors down.

4. Spend time with them. We have a family game night or movie night at least once a month. Right now our favorite game is Jenga Throw and Go, but our last movie night watching the latest Lego Movie ended with us all falling asleep. We saw Boss Baby at the theater, that was good though.

5. Be honest with them. I never want to give my kids the impression that they can't come to me for the truth. Even if I feel that a conversation is not age appropriate, I will let them know. I just tell them that they are not the right age yet, and when they are we'll talk. I've been able to dodge the birds and bees conversation so far with this line, but we graze the topic every now and then.

6. Have them help you cook. I often bring my kids in the kitchen to help me. We usually bake so that I can show them the difference between measurements and how to follow a recipe. We're still working on cracking eggs without making a mess, but we'll get there.  

7. Let them order their meals while out. Whenever we take our kids out to eat we have them order their own meals. To me, this teaches them decision making skills and basically how to talk to people in a public setting. I can't stand when I hear teenagers mumble their way thru life. It makes me want to scream- Speak up! And get some act right!

8. Reassure them that they have a voice and its important to be heard. This kind of piggy backs off of the previous statement that kids need to know that what they have to say is important to, as long as they are respectable of other people. During our family meetings, my kids have the opportunity to have the floor and give their opinion about a new rule or offer plans for the next family game night. This gives them confidence in voicing their opinion and lets them know that they are valued. We will not just disregard them because they're kids.

9. Stop negative talk. Have you ever done something so dumb, that you literally say it out loud to yourself, "Girl, you dumb"? Well, it was a small habit I had to break when I heard my kids doing the same. Even though I would only say it to myself as a reminder to get it together, I didn't want them to internalize it as truth. Everybody makes mistakes, but talking negatively about ourselves or others is not allowed. 

10. Love them  unconditionally. This should be a given, but as parents we have to remember to love our kids thru the good and the bad. Thru the laughs, the tears, the good or bad grades, the hugs and eye rolls, we have to help guide them with love. 

Bonus- Let them go. I'm selfish with my kids. After many years of arguing gentle persuasion, I finally let my kids travel without myself or my husband. They went down South for NINE DAYS and I am anxiously waiting for their return. I know that they are kind, smart, no nonsense kids and they always have angels watching over them, so they are going to be just fine. It just took me a while to realize that I could never put their true independence to the test without giving them an experience to use it.  

So shout out to all the parents who are raising their kids to be independent, and may the odds be ever in your favor.

Forever Loving my B.A.D.D. Kids,
Rhonda

The Redden Report- Last Minute Mother's Day Gifts

So Mother's Day is this Sunday and if you have not gotten your mother or that special mother figure in your life a gift yet, shame on you you still have time. And I am going to do you a favor and give you some ideas for the special lady in your life whether it is your wife, sister, mom or grandmother that you are looking to buy gifts for. Not to knock the gas station flower and balloon entrepreneurs, but it's time to step our game up in 2017.

So here are a few ideas for that mother in your life.

Make-up Loving Mom- If the mother you know has the gift of looking flawless despite her somewhat hectic life, she may love the following gifts.

1. Urban Decay Full Spectrum Palette- $32, Limited Edition @ Sephora
The colors are cute and the price is right. I would snatch this limited edition palette up real quick before it's no longer available.
2. Foreo Luna play- $39 @ Sephora
This textured silicone cleansing devise sends sonic waves to enhance deep pore cleansing. But, be warned, this is the non-rechargeable price point that estimates 100 uses. The chargeable Luna starts at $100.
3. Philosophy Cleanse, Refine and Renew Kit- $75 @ Ulta
With this cleanser, two step peel and award winning moisturizer, you can't go wrong.

Laid Back Mom- The mom we all aspire to be.

1. Mom- Yellow Bath Bomb- $7.95 @ Lush
As a bougie bath taker, I love bath bombs of any kind. This one from Lush with the scent of rose and lemon is heavenly.
2. Umbra Aquala Bathtb Caddy- $39 @ JCPenny
I like the fact that this caddy is adjustable, has built in book holder and a built in wine glass holder. And there is a perfect spot to hold a candle.
3. Audible Subscription - $14.95/month @ audible.com
When's the last time you saw a mom actually have time to sit and read a book? Well, with Audible she has the opportunity to use her multitasking skills and listen to a best seller during her commute, or during bath time.

Tech Savy Mom- For the moms who love electronics just as much as the next guy.

1. Harman Kardon Wireless Speaker- $159.95 @ Amazon
This portable speaker is so cool. Whether you have it in the kitchen while cooking or in the yard while tending to your garden, mom is sure to love the portability and the sound.
2. Universal Wireless Charging Pad- $49.99 @ Belkin
Messing around with chords are a thing of the past when you have this. It's simple and convenient.
3. Fitbit Blaze- $149.95 @ Amazon 
For the health conscious mom who wants to tack daily activities in style.

Fashionable Mom- For the mom who can keep it all together and look cute at the same time.

1. Gisela Layered Choker- $16 @ Charming Charlie
This necklace combines the choker, layered and body chain trend all in one. And you can't beat the price.
2. Boc by Born Bucket Crossbody Bag- $24.99 @ TJ Maxx
This crossbody bag is "almost gone" according to their website and I see why, it's super cute.
3. Jennifer Lopez Embroidered Bomber Jacket- $51.99 @ Kohl's
Bomber jacket plus embroidered flower pattern equals on trend cuteness.

Creative or Adventurous Mom- For the mom who keeps her children busy by signing them up in every art, sport and music activity because she knew the importance of a well rounded child. *Note, these places are in the Southeast Michigan area, but I'm sure there are places similar in every metropolitan area.

1. Painting Party- $35 or $45 for a painting session @ Painting With a Twist
Take a couple of moms, add in a little artistic fun and a glass of wine to get those creative juices flowing and you've got a fun night ahead.
2. Ziplining- $48 @ The Adventure Park
Nothing like some fresh air, exercise and adventure to put a smile on mom's face.
3. A fondue dinner- $$$ @ The Melting Pot
A four course meal, melted cheese, chocolate, optional wine. Need I say more?

The Sentimental Mom- For the mom who saves every card and noodle necklace.

1. Homemade or printable cards- Free or $ @ Etsy.com
What mother wouldn't want a card made with love?
2. A heartfelt letter- Free
Tell that mom in your life what makes her special. She's sure to grin from ear to ear.
3. Personalized gifts, like the Large Photo Treat Jar - $39.99 @ Personal Creations

No matter what the cost, I hope you were inspired by this post to get that mother figure in your life a special gift or token to show just how much she means to you.

Do you have a special gift idea? Please share.

Forever loving my B.A.D.D. Kids,
Rhonda

Under attack in my own home

 

My family is under attack.  We were busy living our lives and we ignored the signs. Deep down I knew it would happen eventually, but not to this magnitude. All I remember about the day it started are the screams, the terror and the fear. It was on a bright Tuesday morning that we realized that our peace of mind was being challenged and our lives would never be the same. It was on this day that spiders tried to overtake our home.

Anybody who knows me, understands my feelings towards bugs of any kind. I hate them. I have a physical reaction of fear whenever I see them and if I had it my way, they all would be dead. We had seen the warning signs: the weather was getting nicer, we were getting exterminator literature in the mail, and the biggest sign of all- we would cross paths with spider webs in our laundry room quite frequently. Maybe it was denial, or maybe I just didn't want to face the fact that we were going to have to one day acknowledge them and either let them take over or hand over the money to get the house sprayed. 

It really started Monday night when a huge black ant was crawling all over the top of my dresser. He was moving really fast over my books I had lined up in the storage compartment. I called my husband in to "take care of him", and he did, while also looking to see if any of his friends were lurking around. He was alone so that was the end of it, so we thought.

The next morning, while preparing breakfast for my family I spilled blueberries all over the floor. While I was sweeping them up, I saw a huge white spider amongst the fallen and I moved a couple to the side so that I could crush him under my feet. As I was emptying the blueberries into the trash can, my daughter let out a scream that was so terrifying that I thought that Michael Myers, Jason, Freddie and the killer clowns were all standing in my kitchen. I turned around and saw her pointing to the wall that separated the kitchen and the dinning room. The spiders must have heard about the ant going out by himself and decided to bring reinforcements. There he was, another huge white spider and he was angry. He saw what I had just done to his boy so he was frantic and running all over the place. He tried to get away and ran from the wall onto a tote bag that was in the corner of the dinning room. I still had the broom in my hand so without hesitation I swept him to the floor and stomped on him hard. I could feel his body being crushed through my flexible house shoe.

After I went to scrap the remains of the two dead bodies off my shoe into the trash bin I looked at my purse, which was located right next to the tote bag. I saw something there, but wasn't sure. My purse is blue and there seemed to be a beige spot on it. Or is it a shadow? The only light I had was the one from the kitchen, so I turned around, flicked on the light and stared back at another spider. He didn't run like the last one did. He just looked back at me. For about 5 seconds we just stared each other down, waiting for each other to make the move. I noticed my purse was open so I decided it was time to make a go for it before he decided to run towards it and hide out amongst my bank cards and lip gloss. I swept him to the ground too, and he received the same fate as his homies. They thought from past experience that if they came out in a group and triple teamed me that I was going to be scared and run. They thought they had a punk on their hands. But, they found out that when it comes down to protecting my babies, I am a savage and I will not back down until I get every. single. one.

So to the spiders, tell the rest of your family, your cousins the ants, the centipedes, the big fat rolley polley bugs I don't know the names for, and those insects with the pinchers on the end, I am not playing no games with y'all this year. You step up to me, you will get dealt with. I will not be defeated. This is your last and final warning. Oh, and sorry for your loss. #savage

Forever loving my B.A.D.D. Kids,

Rhonda

Edit note- At press time, the house had been exterminated by my husband who set off foggers instead of calling specialists due to being cheap high costs. 

My Life in Photos

1. My son had a day with the boys at his friends house last week-end. So we took little mama to Orange Leaf for some frozen yogurt. As can be expected she was all smiles. Who can be mad when froyo is involved?

2. I love when the weather is warm enough to be on the Detroit Riverwalk. I've been about 3 times in as many weeks. Once, to sing at an event our choir was invited to at the Detroit Marriott, then I went to the Praise Fest at Hart Plaza, and again last week between work and rehearsal. If they start having food trucks out there I'll never leave.

3. The final results of the haircut heard round the world. My FB family and friends are the silliest and most supportive folks I know. Even when it took me a couple days to really fall in love with the cut, they were all down with it. My mom, who responded first to the pic with my hair on the counter with, "What did you do?", even liked it. The jury is still out on if I'm going to keep it shorter or grow it out again. I'll keep you posted.

4. My Mother's Day was the bomb dot com. I received homemade cards, flowers, candy, wine and baby girl even gave me $2. My son's card made me proud. Part of it was a fill in the blank and one question said: "I love my mom the most because she always: keeps her promises." and "I know my mom loves me because she: gives me big hugs filled with love." But, I had to give him the side eye when I read, "What was your mom like before she became your mom: pretty and skinny." We gone have to have a little talk about that one.

After church, I kicked my feet up and enjoyed a meal prepared by my hubby. I was happy to be presented with such heartfelt gifts and was able to do the same for my Mom as I surprised her with a basket of goodies that included a cookbook of family recipes passed down from my Grandma. Overall, a good time was had by all.

How was you Mother's Day?

Forever Loving my B.A.D.D. Kids,
Rhonda  

What I really want for Mother's Day- A Mother's Confession

My husband has been asking me all week what I want for Mother's Day. I guess he wants me to make it easy for him and either say, "Oh, whatever you get me is fine" or "Baby, I don't want anything. Your love is enough." 

Well, that ain't gone happen. I want the best you got to give. It doesn't have to cost anything or be this big extravagant event. If all he has is time to give, then I'll take it. Truth be told, after sleeping in (which is out of the question because we are in church every Sunday), I don't really know what I want.

But, I do know what I don't want:

If the meal prepared leaves my kitchen a mess, no thanks.
If the gift received makes me ashamed of myself the next day (i.e- a box of candy that I devour before midnight)- no thanks.
If I have to wear a bra, high heels and Spanks for an extended length of time- no thanks.
If I have to entertain other people- no thanks.
If I have to be entertained by other people and sit in awkward silence- no thanks.
If I will be designated the "kid watcher" while everyone else gets to relax and have fun- no thanks.

Of course I'm being silly, I will except any of the above (maybe) and the standard card, flowers and candy is fine, but sometimes mothers want something with a little more thought into it. Something that lets us know that our family is really paying attention to us. I will cherish every home made card that my kids give me because I know that it came from the purest place of love.

As a mother, I now know the importance of simply wanting to feel like I am appreciated, that my words don't fall on deaf ears and that every sacrifice I've made for my family has all been worth it.

Of course there are some that say mother's should be celebrated everyday and not just on Mother's Day, which is true. But, if you are not one of those people, get it together and get that mother figure in your life something special.

Happy Mother's Day!!

Forever Loving My B.A.D.D. Kids,

Rhonda

The Mom Timeout

I need a timeout. I have been pulled in a million directions and want to give my superwoman cape a rest. After last week's happenings, I have reached the point where I just need to be sent to my room or told to face the wall in the corner before I loose it. Since, I know that's not going to happen, I'm going to take myself away from some situations by putting myself on a time out.

So here's a short list of some things I plan to do all by my lonesome to relax, relate and release.

My fun things to do alone:
Go to the movies. I am no stranger to hitting the theatre alone. I actually prefer it. I get to eat all my nachos and I don't have to share the armrest.

Go to lunch or dinner. Although I frequent Panera Bread as my solo lunch spot, anywhere good food is, I will follow.

Get ice cream or froyo. I am not ashamed of ordering a waffle bowl sundae and eating it in the store or in my car. In my own ride I get to listen to music I want to hear.

Go to a museum. I love anything artistic and there is nothing like going to the Detroit Institute of Arts and looking at all the work on display. It gets your mind off the crazy day to day and helps you focus on what's beautiful in the world.

Have a spa day. It's time to woosahh, believe me your body will thank you for it.

Explore the bookstore. I am still a book person. I love the feel and smell of books, the art of holding something tangible. I could, and have spent hours in a bookstore before and it is awesome.

People watch at the mall. People are very interesting, especially when they think nobody is watching. Plus, it's a small world so you might run into somebody you know.

Go for a walk. As we all know, exercise releases those feel good endorphins and you can up the ante by walking a nice bike trail or at the park.

Shop. Speaking of endorphins, my heart skips a beat when I find something cute on sale. And although I love internet shopping, I have to admit that the instant gratification of carrying bags home is more satisfying than having to wait patiently for my package to come in the mail.

Stay the night at a hotel. Sometimes I like to reflect back to the time when I was single (spoken for, but not married), no kids and I stayed by my doggone self. Not that I don't love my family, but there is no such thing as privacy. Sometimes I just need a moment to just be to myself and reboot. In a perfect world, I would take a week-end and do all of the above.

So that's my mommy timeout list, what's yours?

Forever loving my B.A.D.D. Kids,
Rhonda