Social Media Blackout- What I Learned

So, I am a couple weeks status post my social media blackout. I needed a time-out because I was feeling a certain kind of way about my life and I needed to find a way to change my attitude until I felt able to change my situation.

I have concerns about my personal life and the life of my future business. They both are on struggle mode at this point, so I had to make an effort to change that.

First thing, I needed to do was declutter. They say that you are a product of your environment and my surroundings were totally jacked up. So before I can even consider getting business ideas off the ground, I needed to clear out a whole bunch of stuff in my house and my mind. I started my physical declutter mission by going into my basement closet and I tossed clothes, shoes and purses that I don't use anymore. Most will go to Salvation Army, while some I plan on selling at a community garage sale my old neighborhood is having this summer. My bedroom was a hot mess as well, so after doing the most at IKEA, I got that together by reorganizing my hair and beauty products. 

Then it was time for the mental declutter. I had to rid my mind of the thoughts of failure. I had to stop thinking about my failed business as a total loss and use it as a learning tool. Now that I know what to do, and what not to do, I can set myself up for a better outcome. I also had to break down my business venture into smaller, attainable goals. And most of all, I had to stop comparing my life to others. Bow Wow taught us that the Instagram life ain't nothing but a front most of the time. And while I realize that social media is like a scripted reality show, I still had to remind myself that my life is good, too.

With all the extra time I had, I was able to complete two online courses. My kids were out of town, too, so hubby and I had fun trying out new places to eat. We did have to take a 10 hr road trip to rescue same kids, who were stranded with the family at a Kentucky gas station after the van broke down, but all went well after that.

My Ah-ha moment- I am very observant when it comes to my feelings and deal with them one of two ways. By totally ignoring that they exists, or dealing with them head on. So, I had a revelation- I realized that I have been so fearful of failing that I have failed to live. I don't ask friends and family if they want to hang out- out of fear that they'll bail on me and I'll be all up in my feelings about it. I haven't taken the steps to go back to school out of fear that I will get myself further in debt and spend several years just to hang a diploma on my wall and not work in that field. I haven't started my business out fear of doing like I did before- putting my all into it for a few years and spend all my savings just for it to fail. 

Then, what if I do succeed? What if I actually become the thing that I've always dreamed? So what is my problem? I'm not even comfortable or confident enough to succeed. The thing that I used to live and breath- I now run from. The thing that used to make me feel alive now makes me feel sick to my stomach because somewhere down the line I believed the lie that I told myself- that I wasn't good enough. I've been so uncomfortable with people thinking that I think I'm all that, that I forgot that in real life, I am. I am a published writer and make-up artist and was lucky enough to call the pages of a local magazine my home. I have owned my own business. I can learn a new creative skill in my sleep. I have a husband who is obsessed with me loves me. My kids are amazing in every way. I am beyond blessed and highly favored. There is not a request that I have made that God has not provided. 

So, I feel refreshed and mentally prepared to handle my life's challenges, all because I took a social media break. I suggest you reset every now and then and do the same.

Wishing you love, peace and Soul Deep Beauty,

Rhonda 

The truth about marriage, the skills needed for team stay together

To be in a successful marriage takes a particular set of skills. The list of skills run far and wide. Some of us are able to learn, adapt and apply these skills easier than others. Some of us have to be hog tied and gagged in order to understand the skill involved. Either way, anybody who thinks that marriage will be so simple is in denial. Marriage is work, but it's worth it. Here are just a few skills needed to stay on #Team Stay Together.

Communication- I can't say this enough. There are way too many ways to get your point across in today's day and age for there to be any confusion about how your spouse feels. Whether you say it, text it, email it, DM it, or write it subliminally in a post (although I don't recommend it), you better say how you feel when you feel it. There is nothing worse than letting everything build up and then the next thing you know, somebody gets put out over french fries. It can happen- true story.

Patience- It definitely is a virtue. Being able to show kindness while waiting on your partner is a true sign of love. It is not easy and it is a very valued skill in any relationship. Showing a great level of patience pays off in the end, and it shows your partner that they are worth waiting for.

Integrity- Why lie? Why be someone who I can't trust or count on? Really? I don't understand why grown people choose to lie, or tell half truths when they know they are going to get found out anyway. The tripped out part is that most times, if someone asks you a question straight out, they already know the truth. They are just trying to see how far you will go to keep it from them. So the first rule should be to not do anything that you need to lie about in the first place, but if you do, the second rule is to be honest, admit your wrong and try to work it out with your partner.

Sense of humor- They say that laughter is the best medicine, and that is definitely true when it comes to marriage. Laughing makes you feel good and it creates a bond between people. You want to aim to have the type of relationship that you can laugh about the argument the next day instead of getting mad about it all over again.

Positive Attitude- Who wants to be married to a Negative Nancy? Nobody. You want to be the type of spouse that can look to the bright side of any situation, someone who can motivate and uplift. And someone who is not considered a spirit killer. 

Confidence- We all have insecurities, but they have no place being in the forefront of marriage. You have to be able to exude confidence even when it's not an easy thing to do. Having confidence in yourself, confidence in your spouse and confidence in your marriage will help you along the way. 

Thick Skin- Conflict in a marriage is inevitable. Sometimes during conflict, things are done or said that may hurt your feelings. You have to believe that your spouses intentions were not to hurt you, so being overly sensitive will not help. 

Problem Solver- Problems come in many different shapes and sizes. Some are easy to solve and some seem to be irreparable. But, no matter the size of your situation you have to put your problem solver skills to the test daily from figuring out what's for dinner to figuring out how to pay all the bills on time and still have some left over for date night. You can make any challenge look like a quick fix when you are a natural at problem solving.

Unconditional Love- This should be a given, but often times people don't realize the depths of this type of love. Unconditional love means loving someone despite their flaws, despite them getting on your last natural nerve, despite them buying you the perfect anniversary gift. It means loving someone beyond the conditions you have unconsciously set up in your mind. That kind of love can get you through the hard times and it can make the work and struggle of marriage a little easier to bare.

So, now that you have been given some of the important skills needed to have a successful marriage, take them, work on them and actually use them to make your marriage work...good luck.

 

Wishing you Love, Peace and Soul Deep Beauty,

Rhonda

The social media black-out experiment

 

Once upon a time in my life I suffered from depression. I didn't know what it was until well after I was on the other side of it. I just thought I was in a funk- for 8 months. I figured the feelings of loneliness and hopelessness was just a part of life and it would pass. I tossed away my unexplained weight loss to the fact that I was just busy, but I knew deep down inside something wasn't quite right.

How I got over that hurdle took time, prayer, forgiveness and a whole lotta self reflection. Looking at your true self past all the layers of the person I portray at work or with family and friends is not an easy task. Trying to figure out who I am really and am I happy with this person is daunting at best. I'm also trying not to fall back into those habits of feeling sorry for myself because I failed at something (or a few things) or I get caught up in the "what ifs" of life. 

Because I am a person who is forever making goals and seldom achieving them, I stay in a reparative cycle of happy, then sad. I also have an obsessive obnoxious fear of missing out- on parties, vacations, life in general. I hate that feeling of sitting at home doing nothing while everyone else is out having fun. Don't get it twisted. My life is full and I am extremely blessed. I just know that I wanted more for my life and being reminded of what I didn't get to experience has me all up in my feelings recently so I know I need to take a break. Just because I am a loner doesn't mean I want to forever be alone and it sure doesn't mean that I don't want to be invited. There is a fine line between being alone and being lonely and lucky for me I am observant enough now to know what my triggers are before crossing over that line.

Social media is a blessing and a curse. On one hand, it's how I keep up with my family and friends and it's how I find out about a lot of the social events going on in Detroit. Even the last couple of parties I've gone to were via FB invite. The curse is seeing everybody and their Mama at the concert or on the dream vacation that I couldn't afford to go on. While I'm happy for them, I get angry with myself for not planning my money better or whatever the circumstance may have been to make me miss out. 

I am taking a social media time out to reflect on me, my family, my goals and my own plans for the future and it needs to be unfiltered and untainted by what I see on the internet. I ask myself all the time, how many success stories are you going to see before you create your own? 

How many success stories are you going to see before you create your own?

So here's what I need to figure out: how long will my social media black out be, what sites are included and what's the end game. 

How long: I feel anxious just typing this, but I'm thinking 2 weeks to start. I will allow myself 2 cheat days to just "observe" the upcoming events for 15 min per site. (Yes, I have thought about this is detail.)

What sites are included: Of course Twitter, Facebook and Instagram are included. The site that I'm on the fence about is Pinterest. Although I use it for inspiration, it too can suck time out of my day because I become obsessed with starting new projects.

What's the end game: I need to hit the reset botton. I feel myself entering dangerous territory in regards to my self-care and well being. My goal is to gain clarity for what I want to accomplish this year and actually put into motion what I need to do instead of getting in my own way.

So here's to my social media black out. Wish me luck.

Wishing you Love, Peace and Soul Deep Beauty,

Rhonda

P.s. With all the extra time I'll have on my hands, you may see more blog posts from me. They automatically upload to my social media sites, so it's not me cheating 🙂.

Love and Marriage: Marriage Advice for #TeamStayTogether

This is a re-post, originally posted on April 24th, 2015. Enjoy!

As my husband and I come up on our 10th Anniversary, I can't help but think about our relationship when we first started out as newlyweds. We were the first of our friends to get married and all we had to go on was instinct and the advise of our parents and grandparents. Did we listen to them all, of course not, but I still wanted to share a few that are definitely worth sharing and incorporating into your relationship. #TeamStayTogether can be challenging, so I'm doing my part to keep hope alive.

1. Don't go to bed angry. It took me a long time to get with the program on this one. I thought there were only 2 options: 1- stay up to un-holy hours of the night arguing talking to my husband till we worked it out or 2- just shut it down and be mad that night and again all morning the next day. Then one day I realized that my beauty sleep and my sanity had taken too much of a beating and I learned 8 magical words: "We gone have to agree to disagree. Good-night." Will we discuss it the next day, probably. Will I worry about it at 10 o'clock at night- nope.

2. Kiss everyday. There is research out there somewhere that shows that kissing is good for you. It releases those feel good endorphins, amps up the romance and helps remind you of the reason you got together in the first place. You may not have time, or privacy for those teen-age makeout sessions, but make sure you smooch it out with your sweetie.

3. Don't sweat the small stuff. Don't nobody have time to argue over every little thing. Yes, I know you have asked your man a thousand times to replace the bag when he takes the trash out (one of my pet peeves), but when he doesn't don't trip. Just continue throwing the garbage in the can as if he did, so the next time when he has to empty and clean the can out, he'll make sure he replaces that bag. It's a little passive aggressive, but it beats fussing about it again. I'm just saying.

4. Say I love you everyday. I am not a very affectionate person. Don't know why, I'm just not, but it wasn't until I got married that I realized how much weight these 3 little words really carry. We can get on each other's last good nerve, not talk all day and roll our eyes when the other person talks, but at the end of the day "I love you" pretty much means that all is forgiven and everything is all right.

5. The 80/ 20 Rule for Relationships. Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married put me up on this rule saying that in most healthy relationships, we only get 80% of what we want and it's in that search for the 20% that either drives us crazy or causes people to stray. Remembering that life is not perfect, and neither is your spouse will help you get things back into perspective.

6. Forgive and forget. It's nothing worse than having what I like to call the "forever" argument. This is when couples who have been together forever start bringing up stuff that happened forever ago just to make a point. You may have forgiven, but with that you have to at least pretend that you forgot. We are no longer allowed to bring up things that happened pre-marriage, pre-kids or pre-marital counseling. We try our best not to bring up things that happened last week, let alone last year. You know that you have truly forgiven someone when you don't use it and throw it up in their face.

7. Learn to live in the grey area. I can be very cut throat at times: you're either right or wrong, you're going to do it, or not do it, I either like you or I don't. I don't leave much room for interpretation. So, I had to learn that with marriage, everything isn't always black and white, we will not always agree, we will not always get along, there may be times where we just can't get it together. But, it's in those moments, when we are pushed to our limits that our faith in each other is tested and we come out the other end stronger than when we started.

Those are my tips, please share yours.

Forever Loving My B.A.D.D. Kids (and my Husband),
Rhonda

Girl, let it go

 

When I tell y'all that God has been working on me the past few week-ends, I mean it. I feel physically and mentally drained from fighting against myself. But, since  I am absolutely sure that there's a blessing in the pressing I will continue to press on. 

Here's a little back ground. For the past few months my husband and I have been arguing like clockwork every Friday evening and basically ruining the whole weekend for everybody. I mean, it had been without fail. If we managed to slide thru Friday night unharmed, Saturday morning had something waiting on us. Why? Who knows. What would we argue about? Everyhing. Was it worth arguing about? Of course not. I remember one day being all hot and bothered and was waiting for him to come back home so I could give him a piece of my mind and for the life of me I couldn't even remember what I was originally mad about. That's when I realized it wasn't nothing but the devil.

I live for the weekends, especially Friday's and Saturday's because those would be our date nights. But, who wants to spend quality time with someone they arguing with? Not I. 

Lucky for me, I stumbled upon a book that was featured on the Bible app and it has been opening my eyes to the myths that we think are true about marriage and how to come to terms with dispelling them.

In addition to that, my church has started their Fight For The Family teachings again and they had a couple come in and tell their story at bible study. Listening to their story, I left really inspired to make my marriage work. Now, we are and always will be on #TeamStayTogether, but I had kind of excepted our relationship the way it was. In all transparency, sometimes it was just miserable. 

So I made the decision to just let it go. This is a hard thing for me y'all. I can not- not say what I am feeling. I tried it, it don't work. I am adult enough to admit that the reason why it doesn't work most of the time is because I'm not just trying to make a point, I'm trying to make THE point of all points in time. Ok, there I said it. But, I was determined to pass the test this time. 

I will admit, I failed the first time though. Long story short my husband popped a pimple on my sons forehead. Fact #1. This was his first pimple. Fact #2. I bought him a whole skin care line of stuff to start taking care of his face because I saw it coming. Why? Fact #3. I am a licensed skin care professional, hence the blog and former business. So I felt a certain kind of way about it. And in true Rhonda fashion I had to address it. That conversation went something like this:

Me: Why you do that to his face? You could have asked me about it first.

 

Him: If I want to pop a pimple on my son face, I'm gone pop a pimple on his face

 

.

Me: .....

 

Him: .....

 

After a 20 minute discussion, we finally concluded that all I was asking for was a little communication. 

If you come to a peaceful conclusion, that's called winning. Lol.

 

Most of the time when an argument happens over something so small and trivial, it's usually about a deeper situation. This one happened to be about the lack of communication, but instead of me going from zero to 100, I've been asking myself what I'm really mad about and if it's really worth the argument. 

I'm still a work in progress. Pray for me, y'all. 

What is something you struggle with in your marriage?

Wishing you Love, Peace and Soul Deep Beauty, 

Rhonda

My Myers Briggs personality type

 

A few weeks ago I was obsessing on Pinterest like I often do, and I stumbled across a pin that talked about the Myers Briggs personality types and I was intrigued. I read about a few of the types and it didn't take me long to do a self analysis and figure out which one fit me.   

It was developed as a way to see how people perceive the world and make decisions. It is often used as a team building or self improvement excersise and since

I always to consider myself a work in progress, I decided to give it a go. 

So there are countless amounts of free online tests that you can take, just ask my homegirl Google (yes, she's a female cause we women know everything.) But, I decided to just answer based on the information I saw. 

There are 4 parts to it. The first part is about your interaction with the world: Do you consider yourself to be an introvert or an extrevert? Introverts prefer to work alone or in small groups, where as extroverts love to be around a lot of people.

Introverts also focus on their thoughts, or inner world more. 

Introverts chose- I. Extroverts choose- E.

Part 2 is about how you absorb information. Intuitives can gather imformation, interpret with meanings and give it many possibilities. Sensory people use fact and details and see it as common sense.

Intives choose- N. Sensory choose- S.

Part 3 is about how you make decisions. Feelers make decisions based on how they feel. Thinkers make decisions based on logic. 

Feelers choose- F. Thinkers choose- C.

Part 4 relates to structure. Judgers tend to be organized and results orientated. Perceivers are multi taskers  and like to keep their options open. 

Judgers choose- J. Perceivers choose- P.

There are 16 available personality types and I determined that I am an INTP personality with the cheat sheet below. 

 
Nicknamed "The Professor", INTP's are inventive thinkers that thrive on being creative and unique. They make up only 3% of the population, according to my research and they are known for being honest, direct and intelectually curious. On the flip side, they are are also known as withdrawn, emotionally detached, and tend to second guess themselves so much that most of their projects never see the light of day.

Here are some other traits that INTP's have:

• Quiet and contained
• Analytical 
• Laid back
• Imaginative
• Explosive 
• Distrusting of others 
• Happier as freelancers and entrepreneur 

Oh my gosh, this is me. I had always wondered why I  would research something into the ground, come up with a good idea and then never follow thru. Or why I can pick out a lie with facts and details pulled and filed from previous conversations. Or why I have that "I got nothing" look whenever I'm put in a situation that would normally require emotions. It all makes sense to me now.

Of course, not all the descriptions are completely accurate, but it's interesting to know that there is a method to the madness. If you would like to learn about you personality type, please click here for more info. 

That's my personality type, what's yours?

Wishing you Love, Peace and Soul Deep Beauty,

Rhonda 

How to set goals and achieve them

 

It's May and we are almost at the mid way part of the year. When I think about the goals I set for myself and my family, I'm glad that I've accomplished a good portion of what I set out to do. I may have fallen by the wayside on some things, but the good news is, I still have time- and so do you.

I am a list maker. It is an obnoxious, yet necessary habit that I've had probably since college.  If I have to run errands, there's a list of places I need to go. I keep my my bi-monthly budget handy in list format in one of my many journals. And I dare not go to the grocery store without my list and meal plans for the week. My purse and journals are full of sticky notes with illegible words scrambled on them. List's make me feel organized and keep me on tract despite my self-inflicted distractions.

My list making is not only for errands, I feel that making lists of life goals are important as well. Whether it's something I want to do next week or next year, when I write it down, it makes it concrete. It makes it more than just something I said and turns it into an actual goal.  And when I break it down into attainable steps, it makes it easier to achieve, instead of this thing that is just looming out in the atmosphere. As they say, a goal without a plan is just a wish. So let me give you some real simple tips on how to set goals and actually achieve them.

Step 1: Figure out what you want and write it down.
Have you every had that "what do you want to eat conversation?" You know that your hungry, but don't know what you're hungry for. It seems simple, but sometimes we just don't know what we want in life. Just sit for awhile and think about the things that would improve your quality of life. Do you want a new job, or to lose weigh tor take that family vacation? Do you want to change your financial status or go back to school? No matter what it is, big or small, write it down. Whether it's something that you feel is attainable or is a one in a million chance of happening. Just by you writing it down, you are starting the process of the law of attraction. Those things that you put out in the atmosphere will be drawn to you.

Step 2: Break it down.
When I looked at my list of goals, I couldn't let it overwhelm me. One of the items on my list was to get in better shape. I know that I wasn't going to magically wake up and be several pounds down. There was going to have to be not only a plan involved, but some effort and sweat equity. So I had to break it down to baby steps. It looked something like this.

Get in shape!

1. Clean Eating- at least 80% of the time

      a. Cook more, no buying food at work
b. Take-out only on week-ends

2. Work out

a. Mon, Thurs, Sat

b. Cardio, weight train, yoga, dance

3. Less stress

a. Take time to read and meditate

b. Weekly facial or bougie bath on Sundays 

So after I practiced one step, I went on to the other. It didn't matter that it took me probably four months of eating better before I started working out. As long as I did it. Which brings me to the next step.

Step 3: Be consistent.

This is the part that most people struggle with. It's cool when you first start out and you're excited and on a mission, and then out of no where the magic fades and you don't feel as enthusiastic as you did when you first started out. So you slow down a bit, and casually make your way thru life and the next thing you know, you don't even actively work on your goal anymore. So this is where you have to be intentional about creating a good habit in your life. I read somewhere that it takes 21 days to make or break a habit, so when I am trying to create good habits in my life, I trick myself into being addicted to that thing for 21 days in hopes that it sticks and stays in my way of life.  

Step 4: Reward yourself along the way.
Who says your hard work and effort has to go un-rewarded? Little victories should always be celebrated, if only to keep you motivated for the next celebration. Not that I needed outside approval to verify that my weight loss journey was working, but when people started to notice the change, I treated myself to some more weight loss equipment, I bought two yoga balls (different sizes) and some thigh slimmers for the #NoThunderThighs movement.

Step 5: Be okay with setbacks.
Of course, my plan to workout 3 times a week didn't always happen. There is always something going on in my life, so maybe I skipped a workout due to a choir rehearsal, or I had to take my kids somewhere, or maybe I just was too tired. It's okay if it doesn't go exactly as planned, the important thing is to get it together once things get back to normal.

The time is now to get out of your comfort zone. How can you see who you were destined to be if you're not willing to push yourself past your self-induced limits. Get it together, write it down and make it plain. I got yo back and I believe that you can do anything that you set your mind to.

Wishing you Love, Peace and Soul Deep Beauty,
Rhonda 

Speak Life

 

Wow, it's been almost a year since I have graced this page with my presence. I guess you can say I took a pause for the cause. Since that cause was trying to get my life together, I will say it was needed and well worth the wait. 

Nothing much has happened in my life besides the fact of always being stuck between life and goals, stay busy or rest and stick to the budget or treat yo self. I'm happy to say that I am getting closer to making a desision about my next venture. 

One thing I had contemplated was going back to school to get my Master's. I went so far as to fill out a FASFA for student loans, I had narrowed down the school and program I would go to and even had my classes and graduation date planned out. But, as my kids grow and they struggle with their own grades, I feel like that would be selfish of me to further my education when my kids aren't even beyond the basics. I need to help get them thru the hurdle first before I can think about furthering my career. Maybe it's mommy guilt, but it just seemed like a lot to take on right now. 

The other thing I had contemplated was opening up Soul Deep Beauty again. My entrepreneurial spirit just won't let me live. It took a back seat to current life situations, but it still beats in me. That being said, I am cooking up some things that are going to change my life and my status- hello somebody, and I can't wait!

I will step out on faith!

I will trust God!

I will be successful!

I will be bold and confident!

God will make room for my gifts!

I am speaking Life into my situation. Now it's your turn.

Wishing you Love, Peace and Soul Deep Beauty,

Rhonda

30 Day Writing Challenge- Days 25- 27

Day 25- Something I am currently worrying about

Well, this is a tough one because generally I try not to worry about things. Being worried about stuff only adds stress and wrinkles and ain't nobody got time for that. But, there are some things that I "ponder" over, pray about and just leave alone. One of those things is my career/passions. I want to find a job that involves my passion and so I am on a quest to 1- figure out what my passions are and 2- figure out how I can parlay that into some cash flow. 

I love to write, but my history of writing has not given me a check yet. I wrote for a local magazine for a year for free for the exposure and the experience and while I enjoyed it, I was hoping it would be a stepping stool for more opportunities. I also have been writing this blog for going on 6 years now and I have not nearly the amount of followers and readers that I should. I know that's mostly my fault because I don't promote it like I should. But I'm funny, darn it. (I be cracking myself up.) And my whole purpose was to lift people up. And talk about make-up and fashion. And brag about my kids. But, the blogs and sites that are out here spreading gossip and promoting fights, racism and hatred against yourself and your people are the ones making headlines, not to mention money-hand over fist. 

Day 26- Things you like and dislike about yourself

I like everything about myself- I'm perfect. Well, not really, but you can't get any closer to perfection than me, baby. Of course, I'm cracking up as I write this. The truth is I always consider myself to be a work in progress. I guess that's one thing I like about myself. Also, I have a crazy sense of humor, I'm not about any drama, I don't lie (which is a blessing and a curse), I have a positive attitude (most of the time), and I am creative and can think like there is no box. I also have a unique fashion sense, I love the way I look and I can make a dollar out of a dime.

Now, it's not all roses over here, I do have some flaws. I mentioned that I don't like to lie, so instead of doing so, I will either avoid a person or a situation like the plague or throw up that palm and plead the 5th.

Source

No, it's not always the best thing to do because the truth sets one free, but I have been known to cause tears from my truths so I'll just save the friendships I have and leave it alone. 

The other major flaw I have, and ya'll better not tell my husband this. I mean it. I will never hear the end of it if he knows I admitted this, but...(in a whisper) I can be selfish. (Gasps.) Yes, I, mother, queen of the earth, the natural born nurturer can be selfish. Now, don't get me wrong, I have and will give my last to someone in need, I will be there for people even when they are no where in sight for me. I will pray for those who I know ain't even thought about me, but there are two things that I'm sorry, but you gone have to fight me over. My snacks and my family/friends. 

I'm a big girl. I eat snacks and no, I'm not always willing to share. My crumb snatchers adorable children will ignore me all day, but the minute I ruffle a  pack of cookies, here they come wanting to give out hugs. No, I don't want no hug right now. Mommy will get at you when I'm done with these Chips Ahoy. 

And when I say I'm selfish with my family/friends I just mean I give all newcomers the side eye before I invoke my complete trust that what happens among family/friends will stay among family/friends. I'm also selfish in the fact that I don't like when I'm talking to someone in my circle and somebody else just walk up and start talking. For example, I was having lunch with my husband  yesterday in his break room at work. He bought me some froyo, so I was there all happy in the afterglow. I'm talking to him and he's looking at me and then the next thing I know he looks to my right and says something that has nothing to do with what I'm talking about. The convo continued like this:

Me- What? (Confused look.)

Him- Oh, she was asking me about the Walking Dead, She's trying to catch up. (His head points in the direction to somebody behind me.)

Me- (Looks over my shoulder to see who "she" is. Makes eye contact. Turns back around.) So you gone talk to me or them? 

Him- Ohh. (Looks down into his yogurt cup like I just put him on punishment, but with a smirk on his face.)

Now, I may have been a little rude in my delivery but "she" was rude for being 2 tables away yelling across the room just because she wanted to be seen. I don't play that. There were actual words coming out of my mouth and since my husband is too nice to tell people they are wrong, I passive aggressively did it for him. So bye, Felicia. Now that I'm looking at this, I don't know if this is still considered selfish or if it should fall into jealous territory. Ohh well. Like I said, I'm a work in progress. 

Day 27- A quote you try to live by

Now, how ya'll gone ask me to get all deep after I done showed you how I go off on people? Well, let me put my Soul Sista hat on and hit you with a few of my favorite quotes. 

My life mantra has always been, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."- Philippians 4:13.

I also live by the golden rule of "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."- Luke 6:31.

Other quotes that I love and have relied on from time to time are below.

What's your favorite quote?

Wishing you Love, Peace and Soul Deep Beauty,

Rhonda

30 Day Challenge- Days 19-21

Day 19- Five Items I Lust After
I don't know that I actually lust after items because, even though I do like pretty things, the way my bank account is set up...well, you should know the rest. But, I guess I do have things that I buy that I have an inner dialogue with myself about. It usually goes something like this:

Me- Ohh, what's that?
Me- Something that you don't need.
Me- Yes, I do. I've been looking for this for a minute.
Me- But, do you need it right now?
Me- Yes.
Me- Are you sure?
Me- Yes.
Me- How much is it? Can you afford it?
Me- Oh, it's only (fill in the blank)
Me- (Does mental math of current bank account statement.) Okay, we good. Let's hurry up to the register before I change my mind.
Me- Can I get two?
Me- (Takes a moment to think about it.) No.

1. Books- When I go to the book store, I have to put myself on a limit. The last time I went, I had to go sit on the out skirts of the bookstore, arms full of books and narrow down my decision to only two choices.
2. Make-up- What little girl, or grown woman for that matter, doesn't love to play in make-up? I have to set my budget for the beauty stores as well. I haven't been on the right side of Ulta in forever because my budget won't allow it.
3. Hair Products- As a recovering product junkie, my hair has seen it all. And with the crazy swarm of natural hair products that have overtaken every store I frequent (Target, Walgreens and Walmart). I have to stay strict to my one/no more than two product(s) at a time philosophy. And since I have currently used up all the excess products I was stock piling for that zombie apocalypse, I guess it's time for me to talk myself down from total product relapse.  
4. Clothes- I am addicted to thrift shopping. I love it. There is hardly a feeling that is greater than finding a cute name brand item for $2.59. I feel like I won the lottery each and every time. And don't let me have a half off coupon, I feel like I'm balling out of control.
5. Ice Cream- If you want to know the way to my heart, just buy me some ice cream or froyo. As we speak I'm trying to figure out when I'm going to redeem my $3 off my next treat from Orange Leaf.


Day 20- My Fears-
I'm kind of cheating with this entry because it is from a post from 2013, but it is still how I feel about fear. So here goes.

I hate fear. It is a crippling emotion that can either cause you to do stupid things or keep you from reaching your destiny. I've given too much power to fear and I have come to the point in my life where fear is no longer allowed. The funny thing about it is that I saw myself as fearless because I was able to accomplish just about everything I set my mind to. Not realizing that it was because I'm a smart girl and a lot of things come easy to me (not bragging, it just is what it is).

But, when it came to friendships/ relationships with those around me, I was a mess. I'm sure we all have been stabbed in the back and gotten our feelings hurt, but fear of being the fool twice stops us from our full loving/ giving/ nurturing potential and it keeps us guarded from the one thing we want most- love. Now, if this is too deep for you, feel free to move on, but I am a realist and I know that the only way to conquer something is to confront it. I've decided to fight my fears head on.

Don't get me wrong, it's not going to be easy, but anything worth having is worth fighting for. Because I'm a logical person I used to let my head talk my heart out of or into something that I knew was not the best option for me. Why? Because fear would tell me that I would be lonely, or I would miss out or people are fake and they'll just play me. The fear of failure has stopped so many people in their tracks that they are defeated before they even begin and next thing you know, years have passed and nothing has changed. If you not moving up, then what you doing? Wasting time.

The other (if not the most important) reason me and fear are not friends is because acting out of fear makes faith jealous. If I'm something like the Christian I claim to be, then my faith should overcome my fears. But, fear being the old trickster that she is comes in many forms. She can sneak into your mind at the most inappropriate times and come from the mouths of people you love and trust. The best way to deal with her is to recognize her and tell her to go have several seats cause you not dealing with her.

So here's my declaration for myself- fear is a lie and it will not prevent me from reaching my God given destiny. I'm telling fear to kick rocks. I suggest you do the same.


Day 21- What I Hope My Future Will Be Like
When I think about my future, the main thing I want to be is happy and healthy. After that, I want to travel and eat the best cuisine. I see my husband and I laid up on the sandy beaches of the Caribbean (sexy beach bodies included), sipping tropical drinks and soaking up the beauty that God has created. I also see my kids being offered full scholarships to the college/university of their choice. We have found jobs/careers that satisfy us and that we look forward to doing everyday, along with hobbies that not only make us feel renewed, but give us some extra cash flow as well. Yes, my future looks very bright. I plan to be surrounded with the ones I love, living the good life. I may not be a millionaire in earning potential, but I will be one in love, life and health.

What's your future look like?

Wishing you Love, Peace and Soul Deep Beauty,
Rhonda

30 Day Challenge-Days 15-18

Day 15- My Zodiac
I am a Libra and I have found that all the things that describe us Libra's is true. Here are some of the characteristics of a Libra that do describe my personality.
Attractive- Well, duhh.
Romantic- I have been known to have a few romantic tricks up my sleeve.
Charming- I am very spoiled and I like it that way. I have a way of talking my way into or out of just about any situation. If my mom hadn't told me how much she doesn't trust them, I probably would have been a lawyer.
Tactful- I am always a girl with a plan. I plan out my trips to the grocery store. I plan out vacations. Heck, I plan what I am going to sing when I get in the shower every day. No lie, I put on mini concerts. It's real out here.
Diplomatic- I hate to see injustice and will stand up for anybody being treated unfairly.
Balanced- I can't dwell in chaos. If there is drama- I'm out.
Detached- Although some Libras are said to be very expressive with their face, I am the queen of poker face. Nobody is going to know how I feel about something unless I want them to know.
Laid Back- When I met my cousins from down south a few years ago, they just kept saying, "you are just so cool, so chill". I have even been nicknamed by one of my fellow praise team members as Cool Breeze. I'll take it.
Overthinker/ Indecisive- It can take me days to make up my mind sometimes, especially when it is something that is going to change the course of my life. The funny thing is, my husband is a Libra too and he's worse than I am. Currently, we are trying to work on our deck and we have been looking at patio furniture. From just about every store in our neighborhood. Several times. Seriously, how hard is it to decide on some wicker chairs? Well, let us tell it and it's like deciding to relocate to another state. We'll figure it out eventually, I hope.
Self-Indulgent/ Lover of Beautiful Things- This is another area where my husband and I get in trouble, which is probably why we're having such difficulty buying patio furniture. We definitely can over do it sometimes because we like to have nice things. The way I see it, I work hard so since I don't play hard, I should at least be able to have a cute purse or some cute shoes every know and then. I rarely give myself the permission to just go for it, but when I do, baby watch out. On my last shoe splurge I had four pair walking through the door with me. I am currently on a spending diet... It was fun though.

 I follow a Libra board on Pintrest and find myself liking quite a bit. Here are some of my favorites.
    

  


Day 16- Something I say "What if" about
I was a complete and utter fool when I graduated college. I was 22 years old and the only thing I wanted was to be engaged. I didn't care nothing about the thousands of dollars I was going to have to pay Aunt Sally Mae or how I was going to get a job in my field (BA in Journalism). All I wanted to show was an engagement ring to replace the promise ring I had been wearing for 4 and a half years. I guess when you are in love, that's what you do.

I did eventually get that ring and got married and started having babies. But, the one thing I think about, especially today as I am not particularly loving my job and all I want to do is write for a living, is what if I would have followed the advise of one of my college professors and gone to work for a radio station in Ohio. Where would I be now? Would I have stayed there? Would my husband and I be together? Would I have parlayed my experience on radio to TV? Could I have been the next Oprah?

Of course, my mind races to think of all the things that coulda, shoulda, woulda happened, but I don't trip because I know that whatever is meant for me is for me. I'll get my Oprah status one day.

Day 17- Something That I am Proud Of
Out of all my accomplishments, earning a bachelors degree, starting my own business, having a successful marriage and wonderful kids to boot, I think one of the things that I am the most proud of is that I have a creative mind. My creative mind has gotten me through some rough spots in life, it's given me an outlet for my roller coaster of emotions. It has allowed me to experiment and find a love for things I never knew I would like and it has given me a way to heal and reflect on the things or people who have hurt me in the past and learn to let it go.

Currently, some of my creative outlets are: reading, writing, singing, sewing, painting, jewelry making, baking, and re-purposing old furniture. I also like to take pictures, but I don't get to play with my camera as much as I would like. I also see myself learning to play an instrument in the near future, but that too, is a work in progress. I used to play the piano and organ in high school, but those days of reading music are long gone and I just might have to start from scratch.

Until next time.

Wishing you Love, Peace and Soul Deep Beauty,
Rhonda

30 Day Challenge: Days 11-14

Day 11: My Family

The only people who truly know me and who I am totally capable of being myself around is my family (and the friends who grew up like family). They have seen me laugh, cry, act a fool, embarrass myself, redeem myself, embarrass myself again and have supported me through every victory and failure. They are the silliest, craziest people you can ever be around and there are many times that we forget to take pictures because we're having so much fun. Long story short, my family is the only group of people who I will fight with and fight over at the same time.

Day 12: Five Guys whom I find attractive

In no particular order, here are the guys who can get it I consider eye candy.

1. Usher- I've been a fan since day one. 

2. Jessie Williams- I could say that the eyes alone won it for me but, not only is he an excellent actor, but he also has stood at the forefront of the Black Lives Matter movement.

3. Lance Gross- That smooth coffee-bean black skin and that smile. That's all that needs to be said.

4. Idris Elba- He's chocolate, fine with that salt and pepper hair AND he has a British accent. Girl, bye.

5. Chanting Tatum- If you haven't seen the way this man moves, do yourself a favor and watch Magic Mike. You're welcome.

Honorable Mention- Michael Ealy- Once again, those eyes just do something to me. Although, he has been playing crazy so good, I'm starting to wonder. 

Day 13: My Opinion About My Body

It took me a while to get here, but I can honestly say that I love my body. Could it use some minor adjustments, yes. But, it's nothing that a few weeks of working out couldn't fix. But, as far as my shape, the color and texture of my skin- I'm good. I have finally come to the conclusion that I better enjoy it now because I turn 35 this year. I hear that it's downhill from here so I'm keeping it positive. 

Real talk I knew I was getting happy with my body when I stopped wearing Spanks everyday. I have always loved my brown skin, but it took me some time to be at peace with my roadmaps to heaven, or what most people call stretch marks. I love the skin I'm in and flaunt it proudly. 

Day 14: What I wore today 
So today I felt a little springy. It's April in Michigan and although I should be able to go jacketless, it's still cool out so I decided to wear a sweater over my dress. It actually worked out nice and has now become one of my favorite layered outfits. So, here's the deets on the clothes:

Dress- Bought from Burlington (I think) a couple of years ago. It is so bright and while my introvert self hates when I get all these stares while wearing it, my perform/ model in a past lifetime self knows how to work it.
Sweater- Thrifted this dELia*s beauty for two dolars and some change at Value World last month.
Shoes- These Grasshoppers I bought from DSW are sooo cute and comfortable. They will definitely be my go to spring dress work shoes. My only challenge is to keep them clean.
Accessories- The belt is a few years old, purchased at Lane Bryant and the earrings and neckalace are from my fav jewelry place- Charming Charley's.

Well, That's it for now. Until next time.

Wishing you Love, Peace and Soul Deep Beauty,
Rhonda 

Encouraging Daddy-Daughter Relationships

I'm proud to be a daddy's girl. My dad and I didn't always see eye to eye, especially when I came to the driving and dating age, but I could always count on him. When I was into sports, he was there for the games and the practices. He was in attendance for every recital and talent show, and he screened every boy who called the house. Before he passed away, he often gave me a heads up on men and how they act in marriage. Of course, he was right, so when things started to happen I was already prepared and was able to handle certain situations with a calm reserve. The advise he has given me through my lifetime has been immeasurable and I appreciate the relationship that we had. I could only hope that all girls get to have that relationship with their dads.

That's why I'm so glad that my daughter is a daddy's girl, too. Of course she's too young for deep life lessons, but the relationship that she and her dad share is setting the tone for the relationships she will have with men for the rest of her life. He understands the importance of it as well, and I was so proud of him when he took her to their first Daddy-Daughter Dance last week.

The week leading up to it he knew he had to do it right and wanted to not only show her a good time, but show her how a gentleman should treat a lady. They were dressed to the nines, he bought her a corsage (#DaddySwag) and actually did a little two step with her on the dance floor. (Believe me, that alone is huge for my slightly rhythmically challenged husband.) They both came back with big smiles on their faces, showing off pics and videos from the night.

I didn't even know that they still had events like this, but I'm glad that they do. This is one tradition that should never die. Dads all across the world should make it their mission to help nurture the relationships between their daughters. Your dad is supposed to be your protector, your teacher, your provider. Some would even say that your husband should reflect the relationship that you have with your dad.

So if he's was never present or active in your life, how do you know what to model that relationship on? There is no such thing as a perfect parent but, if you never even try to be that example in your child's life you've already failed.

Chime in! Do you believe that daddy-daughter bonds are important? What's the most memorable moment you've had with your dad?

Forever Loving my B.A.D.D. Kids,

Rhonda

Setting Goals With The Passion Planner

I am a goal orientated list maker. I have several small notebooks that I jot things down in, and to top that, I have sticky notes falling out of them of ideas I had when one of my 3 notebooks weren't available. I also use my notes app on my phone, but I'm a paper and pen type of girl at heart and to me, it means more when you write it by hand.

So obviously this time of year I'm usually putting my yearly planner away from the previous year and getting myself together for the upcoming months. Normally, I just buy a planner from Target or the $1 bin at Michaels, but this year I stumbled upon THE planner that has me feeling like I might just get my life together.

It's called the Passion Planner and it is the bomb dot com. I have had my nose in this planner every free second I've had and I am getting super excited just thinking about the year ahead.

So here's the deets.

- Instructions on how to use it to its best potential. Really? Instructions on how to write in a planner. Yes, because she (creator Angelia Trinidad) has the planner set up with a Passion Roadmap and Reflection Pages. 

- Monthly and Weekly Layouts. I love how  alongside the layouts there are quotes of inspiration, to do lists and plenty of space to obviously plan your passions.

-Several buying options. There are 2 different sizes and a few cover choices ranging in price from $24- $29.

passionplanner.com

-Also, for those of us who are financially challenged there is a FREE option! Yes, I said free. I chose this option as I already had a binder that I use for my blog planner so it worked out perfectly for me. Plus, I find it very hard to turn down anything that's free ninety-nine.

You may be asking yourself, "Why do I need a planner? I already know what I need to do." Yes, you do but without a concrete plan and setting small goals you will just be going around in circles. When you write your dreams and goals down, you set yourself up for success and make yourself accountable. If I don't do something that's in my planner, I can't blame anybody but me and it makes me work twice as hard to make sure I don't fail again. So do yourself a favor, go to passionplanner.com and order this planner. It is so worth the investment.

Wishing you Love, Peace and Soul Deep Beauty, 

Rhonda.

How to Turn Your Fear Into Motivation

What would you do with your life if money was no object? I don't know about you, but I could spend hours pondering the possibilities. The dream vacations, the business ventures, endless opportunities for my kids, good credit, shoot you wouldn't be able to tell me nothing. So what's stopping me from having all the things I desire? One word: fear.

Fear is a frequent topic at bible study and it is a frequent emotion in my life. Scratch that, as I just learned, fear is a spirit, not an emotion. Only fear has the power to erase your plans and turn them into self-doubt. Well, I have decided that I'm taking my power back from fear. I'm tired of writing in my journals all these dreams and goals for my personal and business life and just simply letting them continue as words on a page.

It is time to put into action all those dreams and it's time to stop letting fear win. I want to share 5 simple steps that I will use to turn my fear into motivation.

1. Daily Affirmations- An affirmation is a statement that you are declaring is true. When you constantly feed into yourself positive affirmations, it leaves little room for doubt. Saying to yourself, "I am capable. I am wonderfully made. And I already have everything I need to succeed," would be a great start to each new day.

2. Vision Board- I am a true believer in vision boards. So much so, that I had a vision board party back in February. Along with affirmations, putting images and quotes up where you can see them on a daily basis adds more positive thinking to your daily process.

3. Face Your Fear- You know how they say that the only way to fix something is to admit that there is a problem? This is certainly true with fear because we may not realize why we do the things we do, but once we can recognize it and call in out as fear, we will know how to handle it. It's hard to admit that you stayed in a bad relationship because you were afraid of being alone or you never went to the doctor for that pain because you feared what the test results would say. You have to face fear and decide to take it head on. You do that with the next step.

4. Step Out On Faith- Faith and fear can not co-exist. Faith trumps fear every time by being one of the most powerful spiritual tools you can receive. The Bible says that "faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen". (Hebrews 1:1) To have faith in not only yourself or an idea, but also in a God who will never steer you wrong is the perfect answer to combat fear.

5. Embrace Failure- No one likes to admit it, but sometimes, even when we affirm, face our fears and step out on faith, we can still fail. But, when you understand that failure and rejection is a part of life you will be able to learn from the journey. Failure is not easy, especially when done in front of others, which most failures tend to do. Just consider it a stepping stone, a change lane signal or an event that needed to happen to develop you character with humility.

I hope that I shed some light onto the subject of fear and helped you start your journey to a more faith driven life. Don't give up and remember that everything you ever wanted is just on the other side of fear.

Wishing You Love, Peace and Soul Deep Beauty,
Rhonda

My Life in Photos- June 2015

1. Talk about real life goals, this would be a true blessing. All shopping decisions I make are based on my budget, so not having to check the price tag or my account would definitely put me at success status. This quote is going on my vision board ASAP!

2. So somebody at Matel came up with the bright idea to put false lashes on Barbie. I don't know whether to say, "aww, they're cute" or "bye, Felicia!" While I love wearing lashes myself, that's not the image I want to put out to my daughter that she has to wear falsies to be beautiful. I already have to fuss at her about staying out of my makeup, I don't need to have to hide the lash glue, too.

3. I decided to get my Janell Monae on and try out this protective hair style. It was super easy, only took about 20 minutes to style and only $15 in braiding hair. All the questions and compliments about my hair skills have also made me rethink my future in styling natural hair. To be continued.

4. It was my daughter's birthday and as much as I tried to make her celebration a small, nothing special, with just ice cream and cake, the more the grocery and guest list grew. It also didn't help that it rained ALL day, but it was a good turn out and a great non-party if I do say so myself.

That was my week in review, how was yours?

Wishing you Love, Peace and Soul Deep Beauty, 

Rhonda 

May is Mental Health Awareness Month- How to Get Help

Mental Health Awareness Month is an opportunity to make people aware of the identification factors and intervention of those who suffer from mental health conditions. According to mentalhealthawareness.net, 1 in 5 American adults will suffer from a mental health condition in any given year, but only 41% will actually get help.

This last post of my 3 part series is going to inform you on how to do self-checks on your mental health and once again tell you how to get help.

There are 10 things you can do for your mental health to self evaluate and try to steer you into a more positive outlook. They are simple steps that should be done consistently in your life to help maintain balance for your mental well being.

1. Rest- As I stated in my last post, 7-8 hours of sleep is the recommended amount an adult needs on average. Living off 5 hours every night is not doing you or those around you any good.

2. Eat well- Eating well balanced meals can not only keep you satisfied, but it will keep you from loading on carbs or sugar, just to crash and burn soon after. You want to keep your energy levels at a constant flow and not dip and dive with each sugar rush.

3. Exercise- Keeping yourself moving and in motion is good for your body and your emotional well being because of all those natural, feel good endorphins that kick in along with it.

4. Journal- Write about the good things you have going on, have a gratitude journal and re-read those entries when things start to get a little tough in your life. You will realize that staying positive instead of focosing on the negative is a good habit to have.

5. Get up and Get out- Don't stay secluded to yourself all the time. It's good to go out with friends and family, even if only for a couple of hours. Have fun and enjoy each others company.

6. Meditation and Prayer- Making time for meditation and prayer should definitely be a priority. Whether through practices like yoga, or religious beliefs, the benefits are so far greater than can be explained.

7. Do what makes you feel good- As long as you aren't causing any harm to yourself or others, do what makes you happy. Eat, dance, laugh, play or whatever puts a smile on your face.

8. Learn your triggers- If there is something that causes you to be in a funky mood all the time, it may be time to change that situation. Get a new job, move out of that neighborhood and stay off of social media if they're causing you more harm than good.

9. Watch your circle- And the same thing goes for the people in your life. If there are people who transfer their negative emotions to you and are full of nothing but bad vibes, then maybe you need to limit your time with them or throw up deuces on them all together.

10. Seek a therapist- There are some circumstances where our emotions are so scrambled that we can't get it together on our own and there is nothing wrong with seeking professional help. There are people who have dedicated their lives to helping those in need of help, so don't be ashemed of taking advantage of their expertise. It could be the difference between a well balanced life and one of detriment and emotional torture.

There are sites like mentalhealthamerica.net or crisiscallcenter.org that have been created for such a purpose. You can take online assessments, get in contact with centers and counsellors in your area and learn about mental health issues ranging from depression, bipolar disorder and post traumatic stress disorder.

There are is also the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (800) 273- TALK/ (800) 273- 8255 for immediate help 24/7.

They say when you know better, you do better so hopefully these posts have helped you get a better understanding on mental health and why it is so important.

Wishing you Love, Peace and Soul Deep Beauty,

Rhonda