Love and Marriage: 3 Signs That You Need Counseling

Marriage is hard, and anyone that tells you it's not, is a lie and the truth ain't in 'em. I didn't expect for marriage to be butterflies and romance on a daily basis, but I also didn't expect it to be emotional standoffs and hostage situations either.  With all the ups and downs of marriage, there may be times when you have to rely on a third party to help you get back on track. Seeing a marriage counselor can help you filter through better ways to stay on #TeamStayTogether.

So how do you know if your just going thru the flux versus needing to see a marriage counselor? Well, here are 3 sure tell signs that you and your mate need to sit on someone's big comfy couch.

1. You don't talk to each other. Nothing can breakdown a relationship like lack of communication. Not too long ago I had to rid myself of the habit of not talking to my husband when I was mad. I could go days with nothing but gestures and one word answers. But, I was reminded that holding a grudge was not helping or healthy.  

2. When you do talk to each other, you argue about the simplest things. I am a little ashamed to admit this, but my husband and I have had an all out, shouting/screaming match that started out over some fries. Yes, McDonald's fries are delicious, but they weren't worth all that, and obviously not the real heart of the matter. The fries were just the straw that broke the camel's back. Talking to a counselor can help you both clarify the real issues and how to fight fair.

3. Lack of affection, intimacy and sex. No affection + no intimacy = no fun. That is not the perfect formula for a happy marriage. As a matter of fact, I believe that if couples had sex more often they would be happier: with each other and with life in general. Sex is good in many ways, it's good for your health, it makes you feel confident and it creates a bond between the couple that is everlasting. Living in a sexless marriage, or a relationship that is lacking affection is not an ideal situation and should be looked into immediately. #HelloSomebody

Of course, there are many other reasons to see a marriage counselor (infidelity, trust issues, blended families, etc), but if your relationship is suffering from any of these above, you need to get it together and call someone quick. These hurdles just open the door for more problems.

Have you ever seen a marriage counselor? How did your relationship benefit from it?

Wishing you Love, Peace and Soul Deep Beauty,
Rhonda

My Must Have Beauty Products

As a reformed product junkie, I had to cut back on buying beauty products. I had to cut waayyyy back. The amount of beauty products I possessed was crazy. Let me put it to you this way, if the zombie apocalypse hit, I wouldn't have but a few cans of food, but my hair would stay moisturized and tangle free. And should I find clean water to wash my face, it would be #flawless. I would be the cutest zombie in these streets (cause lets face it, I can't run and I get squeamish cutting up chicken so I'm not going to last very long.)

So, since I decided that 1- the zombie apocalypse is not a real thing and 2- my bank account was suffering, it was time to scale back to just the essentials. I want to share with you my 3 must have beauty products: Dermalogica Daily Microfoliant, Dickinson's Witch Hazel and Olay Complete. 

Dermalogica Daily Micro is a water activated exfoliate that balances uneven skin tones by gently removing pore clogging dead skin cells. It has a plethora of good stuff to help smooth and refresh, including salicylic acid, grapefruit, green tea and colloidal oatmeal. It does not have any artificial color or fragrance and is just about the only exfoliate I use. It does carry a hefty price tag of $55 at Ulta for 2.6 oz, but it's worth every drop-(or grain- it's in powder form.)

Dickinson's Original Witch Hazel is an oldie but a goodie. It's been around for years and has 1 ingredient- "all natural distilled witch hazel, containing natural grain alcohol 14% and witch hazel extract." For those who know nothing about toners, what it does is brings the ph balance back to your skin so that you don't leave your pores open and more susceptible to bacteria and breakouts. I use this to get every last bit of makeup off and my skin feels smooth and not in the least bit dry. At only $6 for 16oz, you would be crazy not to at least give it a try.

I have been using Olay Complete since my teenage years. So long so, that it was called Oil of Olay when I first started buying it. I use Olay Complete as my daily moisturizer and my skin loves it. It moisturizes, has SPF 15 for UVA and UVB protection and is lightweight, but effective. I will send out a small word of caution though because it has to be the regular formula for me. I tried the sensitive formula with the SPF 30 and it was so chalky it made my skin look sallow and gray. Because I don't do returns, I sometimes will mix it with my foundation if I'm having an extra dry day. And at around $7, Olay Complete is a great buy.

Those are my essentials, what are yours?

Wishing you Love, Peace and Soul Deep Beauty,
Rhonda

30 Day Writing Challenge- Days 28- 30

Day 28- Somewhere I would like to move to or visit
I have been in Michigan all my life and at this moment I don't have any desire to move. The cost of living is too high in New York and Chicago. It's too hot down south. The earth moves and fires blaze for no reason at all on the east coast. So I'm gone sit my happy self down and be satisfied with the bone chilling cold and snow drifts of the midwest for now.

That being said, I would absolutely love to visit all of these regions. I even have a wish list of places I want to travel to.

Chicago- This is probably my husband and I's favorite place to go. We went on our first anniversary, which coinsidentaly happened to be our first real attempt at a honeymoon. Our son was 7 months old, so you can see why.

Vegas- Last time we went to Vegas I was there for a skin care and cosmetics seminar so I didn't get a chance to see everything I wanted to see. We did walk that long strip, we saw the Pirates show, the Bellagio fountain and got lost in just about every casino we went to. We also saw the Prince impersonator's show and it was sooo good. The trip overall was fun, so I definitely want to go again.

Disney World- Who doesn't want to go to the greatest place on earth? Only thing is the greatest place on earth is the most expensive place on earth. So after I save my down payment, we there.

New York- I've never been to the Big Apple, but I want to see everything- Times Square, The Statue of Liberty, Brooklyn, the Bronx, and I want to eat folded pizza while walking through Central Park. I'm going to look like Hakim and Semmi walking the streets in Coming to America.

State side I would also like to go to Hollywood, Memphis, the Poconos, Myrtle Beach (haven't been since high school), Austin, Texas and New Orleans.

But, I'm going to need my passport for my future cruise to the Carribean, And my trips to Jamaica, Mexico and Brazil.

Day 29- Five weird things I like

I'm weird in general so I don't know if I have a list of things that other people would consider weird because I don't think about what I like compared to other people. Instead, I'll give you a five random facts about me.

1. My favorite color is purple, though I can be persuaded to also love green.

2. My top 5 favorite movies are The Last Dragon, Coming to America, The Color Purple, The Wiz and The Temptations.

3. I am not an early bird or a night owl- anything before 9am or after 10pm is torture for me.

4. I have written enough poetry over the years to publish a book.

5. I secretly (well, not anymore) want to sing background for any major recording artist at least once in my lifetime. 

Day 30- One thing I'm excited for

Basically, I'm excited about my future. I'm excited about the things this life is going to bring. I know that things won't always be easy, but I know anything worth having is worth fighting for.

I'm excited to see the love between my husband and I continue to grow and I'm excited to see how the example we set for our children effects their lives. 

Lastly, I'm excited to see where my writing will take me. It's not only an outlet for me, as a person who is rarely vocal in real life, but I would also like to encourage people to do what they want to do regardless of the accolades or recognition. Do what you know you were sent here to do. 

Inspirationaly yours and Wishing you Love, Peace and Soul Deep Beauty,

Rhonda 

30 Day Writing Challenge- Days 25- 27

Day 25- Something I am currently worrying about

Well, this is a tough one because generally I try not to worry about things. Being worried about stuff only adds stress and wrinkles and ain't nobody got time for that. But, there are some things that I "ponder" over, pray about and just leave alone. One of those things is my career/passions. I want to find a job that involves my passion and so I am on a quest to 1- figure out what my passions are and 2- figure out how I can parlay that into some cash flow. 

I love to write, but my history of writing has not given me a check yet. I wrote for a local magazine for a year for free for the exposure and the experience and while I enjoyed it, I was hoping it would be a stepping stool for more opportunities. I also have been writing this blog for going on 6 years now and I have not nearly the amount of followers and readers that I should. I know that's mostly my fault because I don't promote it like I should. But I'm funny, darn it. (I be cracking myself up.) And my whole purpose was to lift people up. And talk about make-up and fashion. And brag about my kids. But, the blogs and sites that are out here spreading gossip and promoting fights, racism and hatred against yourself and your people are the ones making headlines, not to mention money-hand over fist. 

Day 26- Things you like and dislike about yourself

I like everything about myself- I'm perfect. Well, not really, but you can't get any closer to perfection than me, baby. Of course, I'm cracking up as I write this. The truth is I always consider myself to be a work in progress. I guess that's one thing I like about myself. Also, I have a crazy sense of humor, I'm not about any drama, I don't lie (which is a blessing and a curse), I have a positive attitude (most of the time), and I am creative and can think like there is no box. I also have a unique fashion sense, I love the way I look and I can make a dollar out of a dime.

Now, it's not all roses over here, I do have some flaws. I mentioned that I don't like to lie, so instead of doing so, I will either avoid a person or a situation like the plague or throw up that palm and plead the 5th.

Source

No, it's not always the best thing to do because the truth sets one free, but I have been known to cause tears from my truths so I'll just save the friendships I have and leave it alone. 

The other major flaw I have, and ya'll better not tell my husband this. I mean it. I will never hear the end of it if he knows I admitted this, but...(in a whisper) I can be selfish. (Gasps.) Yes, I, mother, queen of the earth, the natural born nurturer can be selfish. Now, don't get me wrong, I have and will give my last to someone in need, I will be there for people even when they are no where in sight for me. I will pray for those who I know ain't even thought about me, but there are two things that I'm sorry, but you gone have to fight me over. My snacks and my family/friends. 

I'm a big girl. I eat snacks and no, I'm not always willing to share. My crumb snatchers adorable children will ignore me all day, but the minute I ruffle a  pack of cookies, here they come wanting to give out hugs. No, I don't want no hug right now. Mommy will get at you when I'm done with these Chips Ahoy. 

And when I say I'm selfish with my family/friends I just mean I give all newcomers the side eye before I invoke my complete trust that what happens among family/friends will stay among family/friends. I'm also selfish in the fact that I don't like when I'm talking to someone in my circle and somebody else just walk up and start talking. For example, I was having lunch with my husband  yesterday in his break room at work. He bought me some froyo, so I was there all happy in the afterglow. I'm talking to him and he's looking at me and then the next thing I know he looks to my right and says something that has nothing to do with what I'm talking about. The convo continued like this:

Me- What? (Confused look.)

Him- Oh, she was asking me about the Walking Dead, She's trying to catch up. (His head points in the direction to somebody behind me.)

Me- (Looks over my shoulder to see who "she" is. Makes eye contact. Turns back around.) So you gone talk to me or them? 

Him- Ohh. (Looks down into his yogurt cup like I just put him on punishment, but with a smirk on his face.)

Now, I may have been a little rude in my delivery but "she" was rude for being 2 tables away yelling across the room just because she wanted to be seen. I don't play that. There were actual words coming out of my mouth and since my husband is too nice to tell people they are wrong, I passive aggressively did it for him. So bye, Felicia. Now that I'm looking at this, I don't know if this is still considered selfish or if it should fall into jealous territory. Ohh well. Like I said, I'm a work in progress. 

Day 27- A quote you try to live by

Now, how ya'll gone ask me to get all deep after I done showed you how I go off on people? Well, let me put my Soul Sista hat on and hit you with a few of my favorite quotes. 

My life mantra has always been, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."- Philippians 4:13.

I also live by the golden rule of "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."- Luke 6:31.

Other quotes that I love and have relied on from time to time are below.

What's your favorite quote?

Wishing you Love, Peace and Soul Deep Beauty,

Rhonda

30 Day Challenge- Days 22-24

Day 22- My Academics
There's one thing I truly believe in and that is education. As I mentioned in Day 9's post, I will take a class in a heart beat because I am naturally curious and intrigued by a lot of things. I have taken classes for make-up, sewing and dance in my adult life. As far as college/ trade school education, I received my bachelors degree in 2003, then I graduated from Michigan College of Beauty, followed by Astute Artistry in 2010 and now, I am considering pursing my master's in counseling. It's still a decision I am pondering/praying on and I will know the answer eventually. I'll keep you posted on my final decision.


Day 23- Something that I miss
Truth be told, I miss dancing. Not the two step, or praise dancing. I do that every Sunday. What I miss is that dancing that makes you feel free, where the music is flowing through your veins and the only way to let it go is to hip drop or twerk it out. Dancing is the best exercise for me because it's fun, it involves music and if you doing it right it can help you bring sexy back.

Look, don't judge me. I am saved, sanctified and filled with the holy ghost, but I can hip roll with the best of them. The last time I felt a little twerk in my spirit, I went in my basement, put Pandora on the Missy Elliot station and got it in. Sometimes I belly dance too. I just put my hip scarf on and shang-a-lang-a-lang to whatever song comes on. S/N- the most recent cut I've been chiming to is Prince's "1,000 X's and O's" (may he rest in peace). Seeing as I don't go out like that anymore, it's been a while since I had these hips rocking to some Bey and Rhianna out of the comfort of my own home, but I wouldn't be against it if I could find a place that I'm comfortable in and where people actually dance and not sit there and stare at you like you crazy.


Day 24- Five Phrases That Make Me Laugh
I am either too tired, or this topic is too vague for me to comprehend right now. I laugh at everything. I believe that laughter is the best medicine and life is too short to be so serious all the time. I also peep everything, so say we are in a room full of people and something happens that nobody else seems to notice, I will scan the room to see if anybody else saw. Then at that beautiful moment when our eyes meet and we both have that look of disbelief, I just crack up. Don't judge me, you know you've done it too.

I honestly can't think of phrases that make me laugh right now. I can't even think of funny quotes from movies...Hmmm...I love watching stand-up on Comedy Central. Yeah, let's go with that. My fav's are Kevin Heart and Chris Rock. I watch their specials anytime I see them on. I love Kevin because he's an awesome story teller. Chris is good because he is smart and political and will have you thinking about some things afterwards. The same with Trevor Noah (the new host of the Daily Show). I've only seen two of his specials, but he was really good. And, an honorable mention goes out to the pimp himself- Katt Williams. Yes, he curses. ALOT. And he is crazy (in real life). But, his specials literally have me crying.

I think I'm going to go watch some comedy shows on Netflix. How bout you?

Wishing you Love, peace and Soul Deep Beauty,
 Rhonda 

30 Day Challenge- Days 19-21

Day 19- Five Items I Lust After
I don't know that I actually lust after items because, even though I do like pretty things, the way my bank account is set up...well, you should know the rest. But, I guess I do have things that I buy that I have an inner dialogue with myself about. It usually goes something like this:

Me- Ohh, what's that?
Me- Something that you don't need.
Me- Yes, I do. I've been looking for this for a minute.
Me- But, do you need it right now?
Me- Yes.
Me- Are you sure?
Me- Yes.
Me- How much is it? Can you afford it?
Me- Oh, it's only (fill in the blank)
Me- (Does mental math of current bank account statement.) Okay, we good. Let's hurry up to the register before I change my mind.
Me- Can I get two?
Me- (Takes a moment to think about it.) No.

1. Books- When I go to the book store, I have to put myself on a limit. The last time I went, I had to go sit on the out skirts of the bookstore, arms full of books and narrow down my decision to only two choices.
2. Make-up- What little girl, or grown woman for that matter, doesn't love to play in make-up? I have to set my budget for the beauty stores as well. I haven't been on the right side of Ulta in forever because my budget won't allow it.
3. Hair Products- As a recovering product junkie, my hair has seen it all. And with the crazy swarm of natural hair products that have overtaken every store I frequent (Target, Walgreens and Walmart). I have to stay strict to my one/no more than two product(s) at a time philosophy. And since I have currently used up all the excess products I was stock piling for that zombie apocalypse, I guess it's time for me to talk myself down from total product relapse.  
4. Clothes- I am addicted to thrift shopping. I love it. There is hardly a feeling that is greater than finding a cute name brand item for $2.59. I feel like I won the lottery each and every time. And don't let me have a half off coupon, I feel like I'm balling out of control.
5. Ice Cream- If you want to know the way to my heart, just buy me some ice cream or froyo. As we speak I'm trying to figure out when I'm going to redeem my $3 off my next treat from Orange Leaf.


Day 20- My Fears-
I'm kind of cheating with this entry because it is from a post from 2013, but it is still how I feel about fear. So here goes.

I hate fear. It is a crippling emotion that can either cause you to do stupid things or keep you from reaching your destiny. I've given too much power to fear and I have come to the point in my life where fear is no longer allowed. The funny thing about it is that I saw myself as fearless because I was able to accomplish just about everything I set my mind to. Not realizing that it was because I'm a smart girl and a lot of things come easy to me (not bragging, it just is what it is).

But, when it came to friendships/ relationships with those around me, I was a mess. I'm sure we all have been stabbed in the back and gotten our feelings hurt, but fear of being the fool twice stops us from our full loving/ giving/ nurturing potential and it keeps us guarded from the one thing we want most- love. Now, if this is too deep for you, feel free to move on, but I am a realist and I know that the only way to conquer something is to confront it. I've decided to fight my fears head on.

Don't get me wrong, it's not going to be easy, but anything worth having is worth fighting for. Because I'm a logical person I used to let my head talk my heart out of or into something that I knew was not the best option for me. Why? Because fear would tell me that I would be lonely, or I would miss out or people are fake and they'll just play me. The fear of failure has stopped so many people in their tracks that they are defeated before they even begin and next thing you know, years have passed and nothing has changed. If you not moving up, then what you doing? Wasting time.

The other (if not the most important) reason me and fear are not friends is because acting out of fear makes faith jealous. If I'm something like the Christian I claim to be, then my faith should overcome my fears. But, fear being the old trickster that she is comes in many forms. She can sneak into your mind at the most inappropriate times and come from the mouths of people you love and trust. The best way to deal with her is to recognize her and tell her to go have several seats cause you not dealing with her.

So here's my declaration for myself- fear is a lie and it will not prevent me from reaching my God given destiny. I'm telling fear to kick rocks. I suggest you do the same.


Day 21- What I Hope My Future Will Be Like
When I think about my future, the main thing I want to be is happy and healthy. After that, I want to travel and eat the best cuisine. I see my husband and I laid up on the sandy beaches of the Caribbean (sexy beach bodies included), sipping tropical drinks and soaking up the beauty that God has created. I also see my kids being offered full scholarships to the college/university of their choice. We have found jobs/careers that satisfy us and that we look forward to doing everyday, along with hobbies that not only make us feel renewed, but give us some extra cash flow as well. Yes, my future looks very bright. I plan to be surrounded with the ones I love, living the good life. I may not be a millionaire in earning potential, but I will be one in love, life and health.

What's your future look like?

Wishing you Love, Peace and Soul Deep Beauty,
Rhonda

30 Day Challenge-Days 15-18

Day 15- My Zodiac
I am a Libra and I have found that all the things that describe us Libra's is true. Here are some of the characteristics of a Libra that do describe my personality.
Attractive- Well, duhh.
Romantic- I have been known to have a few romantic tricks up my sleeve.
Charming- I am very spoiled and I like it that way. I have a way of talking my way into or out of just about any situation. If my mom hadn't told me how much she doesn't trust them, I probably would have been a lawyer.
Tactful- I am always a girl with a plan. I plan out my trips to the grocery store. I plan out vacations. Heck, I plan what I am going to sing when I get in the shower every day. No lie, I put on mini concerts. It's real out here.
Diplomatic- I hate to see injustice and will stand up for anybody being treated unfairly.
Balanced- I can't dwell in chaos. If there is drama- I'm out.
Detached- Although some Libras are said to be very expressive with their face, I am the queen of poker face. Nobody is going to know how I feel about something unless I want them to know.
Laid Back- When I met my cousins from down south a few years ago, they just kept saying, "you are just so cool, so chill". I have even been nicknamed by one of my fellow praise team members as Cool Breeze. I'll take it.
Overthinker/ Indecisive- It can take me days to make up my mind sometimes, especially when it is something that is going to change the course of my life. The funny thing is, my husband is a Libra too and he's worse than I am. Currently, we are trying to work on our deck and we have been looking at patio furniture. From just about every store in our neighborhood. Several times. Seriously, how hard is it to decide on some wicker chairs? Well, let us tell it and it's like deciding to relocate to another state. We'll figure it out eventually, I hope.
Self-Indulgent/ Lover of Beautiful Things- This is another area where my husband and I get in trouble, which is probably why we're having such difficulty buying patio furniture. We definitely can over do it sometimes because we like to have nice things. The way I see it, I work hard so since I don't play hard, I should at least be able to have a cute purse or some cute shoes every know and then. I rarely give myself the permission to just go for it, but when I do, baby watch out. On my last shoe splurge I had four pair walking through the door with me. I am currently on a spending diet... It was fun though.

 I follow a Libra board on Pintrest and find myself liking quite a bit. Here are some of my favorites.
    

  


Day 16- Something I say "What if" about
I was a complete and utter fool when I graduated college. I was 22 years old and the only thing I wanted was to be engaged. I didn't care nothing about the thousands of dollars I was going to have to pay Aunt Sally Mae or how I was going to get a job in my field (BA in Journalism). All I wanted to show was an engagement ring to replace the promise ring I had been wearing for 4 and a half years. I guess when you are in love, that's what you do.

I did eventually get that ring and got married and started having babies. But, the one thing I think about, especially today as I am not particularly loving my job and all I want to do is write for a living, is what if I would have followed the advise of one of my college professors and gone to work for a radio station in Ohio. Where would I be now? Would I have stayed there? Would my husband and I be together? Would I have parlayed my experience on radio to TV? Could I have been the next Oprah?

Of course, my mind races to think of all the things that coulda, shoulda, woulda happened, but I don't trip because I know that whatever is meant for me is for me. I'll get my Oprah status one day.

Day 17- Something That I am Proud Of
Out of all my accomplishments, earning a bachelors degree, starting my own business, having a successful marriage and wonderful kids to boot, I think one of the things that I am the most proud of is that I have a creative mind. My creative mind has gotten me through some rough spots in life, it's given me an outlet for my roller coaster of emotions. It has allowed me to experiment and find a love for things I never knew I would like and it has given me a way to heal and reflect on the things or people who have hurt me in the past and learn to let it go.

Currently, some of my creative outlets are: reading, writing, singing, sewing, painting, jewelry making, baking, and re-purposing old furniture. I also like to take pictures, but I don't get to play with my camera as much as I would like. I also see myself learning to play an instrument in the near future, but that too, is a work in progress. I used to play the piano and organ in high school, but those days of reading music are long gone and I just might have to start from scratch.

Until next time.

Wishing you Love, Peace and Soul Deep Beauty,
Rhonda

30 Day Challenge: Days 11-14

Day 11: My Family

The only people who truly know me and who I am totally capable of being myself around is my family (and the friends who grew up like family). They have seen me laugh, cry, act a fool, embarrass myself, redeem myself, embarrass myself again and have supported me through every victory and failure. They are the silliest, craziest people you can ever be around and there are many times that we forget to take pictures because we're having so much fun. Long story short, my family is the only group of people who I will fight with and fight over at the same time.

Day 12: Five Guys whom I find attractive

In no particular order, here are the guys who can get it I consider eye candy.

1. Usher- I've been a fan since day one. 

2. Jessie Williams- I could say that the eyes alone won it for me but, not only is he an excellent actor, but he also has stood at the forefront of the Black Lives Matter movement.

3. Lance Gross- That smooth coffee-bean black skin and that smile. That's all that needs to be said.

4. Idris Elba- He's chocolate, fine with that salt and pepper hair AND he has a British accent. Girl, bye.

5. Chanting Tatum- If you haven't seen the way this man moves, do yourself a favor and watch Magic Mike. You're welcome.

Honorable Mention- Michael Ealy- Once again, those eyes just do something to me. Although, he has been playing crazy so good, I'm starting to wonder. 

Day 13: My Opinion About My Body

It took me a while to get here, but I can honestly say that I love my body. Could it use some minor adjustments, yes. But, it's nothing that a few weeks of working out couldn't fix. But, as far as my shape, the color and texture of my skin- I'm good. I have finally come to the conclusion that I better enjoy it now because I turn 35 this year. I hear that it's downhill from here so I'm keeping it positive. 

Real talk I knew I was getting happy with my body when I stopped wearing Spanks everyday. I have always loved my brown skin, but it took me some time to be at peace with my roadmaps to heaven, or what most people call stretch marks. I love the skin I'm in and flaunt it proudly. 

Day 14: What I wore today 
So today I felt a little springy. It's April in Michigan and although I should be able to go jacketless, it's still cool out so I decided to wear a sweater over my dress. It actually worked out nice and has now become one of my favorite layered outfits. So, here's the deets on the clothes:

Dress- Bought from Burlington (I think) a couple of years ago. It is so bright and while my introvert self hates when I get all these stares while wearing it, my perform/ model in a past lifetime self knows how to work it.
Sweater- Thrifted this dELia*s beauty for two dolars and some change at Value World last month.
Shoes- These Grasshoppers I bought from DSW are sooo cute and comfortable. They will definitely be my go to spring dress work shoes. My only challenge is to keep them clean.
Accessories- The belt is a few years old, purchased at Lane Bryant and the earrings and neckalace are from my fav jewelry place- Charming Charley's.

Well, That's it for now. Until next time.

Wishing you Love, Peace and Soul Deep Beauty,
Rhonda 

30 Day Writing Challenge: Days 8- 10

Day 8: What I Ate Today

This may be breaking the rules, but I had the BEST meals I've had in a long time a few week-ends ago. It was Easter Week-end, my family was out of town, and I got my big girl dreams on. So I have to tell you what I ate over the course of those two days.q

Saturday- All I had was a bagel for breakfast, but for lunch/ dinner I went to Bankok Cuisine near my house and got me some Tai Food. It has been a long time, but it was everything! I can't remember the tai name but it was basically the chicken fried rice with onion, tomatoes and pineapple. It was so good that I didn't care about the burnt mouth I was getting from the food being too hot.

Sunday- After church, my mom and I went to the casino for their brunch buffet and let me tell you, I was so full when I walked out of there I thought I was going to need a nap in the parking garage. I usually suck at buffets because I get full too quick, and although I doubt if I ate $30 worth of food, I was satisfied, so that's all that counts. I made 3 rounds of the huge buffet. Round 1 was french toast with peaches and strawberries, bacon, egg fritatta and some fried chicken. Round 2 was full of pasta and starches: spaghetti, chicken Parmesan, garlic bread, greens, cornbread, mac and cheese, peel and eat shrimp and fried shrimp, that I couldn't even finish because I needed to leave room for dessert. And speaking of, round 3, which happened about 10 minutes after round 2 ended was the answer to my prayers. Usually when I go to buffet's I'm disappointed by the dessert options, but this one had everything: ice cream, cheesecake, several different types of cake and a crepe station. Yes, I said crepes. And since I had never had one before, I had to indulge. It was custard filled and topped with strawberries and REAL whipped cream. It covered my whole plate, so the only other thing I could fit on it was a cheesecake pop that I literally took one bite out of. I had to stop before I made myself sick. Next time I will start with dessert. Don't judge me.

Me before it went down at the buffet.

Later that day I was scrolling FB and saw that Orange Leaf was going to be open for a couple hours. Since I had been preparing to sing that morning, ice cream was out of the question all week, so I got up and got me some FroYo for dinner. 

Orange Leaf. Yumm!

Monday- As if my last two days had not been full of bliss, I was craving waffles so I made some and they were the bomb dot com. I topped them with strawberries and added scrambled eggs with cheese and bacon to the meal. It was the first time in a long time where I didn't have to share my bacon.

Day 9: How Important is Education?

As someone who is currently considering furthering my education in a master's degree program, I can honestly say that education is very important. Not just the institutional kind, either. There is too much technology, too many outlets and Google is too good of a resource for people not to educate themselves on whatever it is that interests them. Like they say, knowledge is power and if you want to be the most powerful person on your block, or in your family or at your job, then you have to take the initiative to empower yourself with information. Yes, I'm slightly a know it all, but I don't rub it in people's faces. I will take a class in a heartbeat because I am naturally curious and interested in many things. If there is something I don't know or understand, I'm not okay with just continuing to be dumb about it. I look into it and if after looking into it I find that I'm no longer interested, than so be it, at least I have the knowledge and understanding of it to know that I'm no longer interested. (Hashtag- "Message!")

I always tell my kids not to play dumb. All that "I don't get it" or "it's too hard" are phases that I don't tolerate. I will admit, it took me a minute to figure out this new math with the grouping and other unnecessary nonsense they do instead of carry the number over, but we practiced it until it was no longer hard to do.

Now, do I believe that everyone should get a college education? No, because I realize that college is not for everyone. But, there are skill trades out there that can be satisfying and financially rewarding if given the chance. And the good thing is, it is never too late. There are no age restrictions when it comes to taking a class at a community college.

Day 10: First 10 Songs that Play on My Music Player

First, let me throw out another disclaimer. I had to take a lot of my music off my iPhone so that I could make more room, so all that's left is music that I lowkey just could not remove either for sentimental reasons or it just would not let me. Plus, I'm currently a freeloader on Pandora and Spotify. So here goes.

1. "Lose Control" by Raheem DeVaughn- One of my favorite neosoul swooners turned it up with this house mix. I like to turn this all the way up and dance it out when this come on. BTW, it's 9 minutes long. Yaasss!

2. "Until Then (I Imagine)" by Jill Scott- It's Jill, no explanation needed really, but she was a little explicit on these lyrics.

3. "Love All Over Me" by Monica- I still belting this song out. It's a great love song.

4. "There Goes My Baby" by Usher- This was the ringtone for my hubby for a few years. Can't go wrong with Usher, baby.

5. "Super Hero" by Raheem DeVaughn- I have to admit, I usually skip this song, not because it wasn't nice, but it's a ballad about his mama so I can't get turned up or chilled out on it. No shade.

6. "Golden Days" by Kem, feat Jill Scott- So imagine this: Kem is sing/scatting over this slow, mellow jazzy beat and then Jill comes in and  just kills you with her spoken word poem. Hashtag they did that.

7. "Let Me In" by Anthony David- I love this man's voice. It's this perfect combination of smooth and raspy, mellow and harsh and just plain butta. If you've never heard his voice, do yourself a favor and get your life.

8. "Long Hard Road" by Sade- The Smooth Operator killed me softly with her latest album. I felt like I needed to sit in the dark, sipping on a glass of wine to listen to this song, but when I emerged, I felt better about life. I guess if you needed to compare her, she is the original Adele.

9. "Matter of Time (Unplugged)" by Kem- Kem's voice over guitar strings and a drum is the definition of soul music.

10. "Le BOOM Vent Suite" by Jill Scott- This is my JAM! I always imagine myself performing this at a small jazzy type venue. I especially like when the beat changes to a whole nother song and it goes from an up tempo jazzy beat to this slow and sexy R&B swag. 

Until Next Time!

Wishing you Love, Peace and Soul Deep Beauty,

Rhonda

30 Day Writing Challenge: Days 4-7

***Disclaimer- Yes, I realize that I started this last month, but I told y'all I have never been successful with these challenges. (Insert shrugging emoji.)

Day 4: Bullet your whole day

So a regular day for me usually consists of work, choir, kids, husband and food. I decided to bullet point my day off instead. My hubby had the day off too, so he treated me to breakfast. And I actually got pictures before I devoured it.

7 am- Woke up the kids for school. We had some time to kill after breakfast so I sent them and hubby out to clear the snow off the front porch but it had turned to ice. The put down salt instead.

I decide to try and finish my coloring journal.

9am- After dropping off the kids, Hubby treated me to Cracker Barrel. I had been dreaming about this French toast with peach topping all week!

11 am- We needed to walk down that breakfast so we went out to Lakeside Mall with the retirees and stay at home moms. 

12 Noon- (Clears throat) Quality time with the hubby.

4 pm- Bed: Hubby picked up the kids from school. We (hubby and I)watched a few comedy specials on Comedy Central including Kevin Hart and Trevor Noah. We ate chicken salads for dinner and pretty much chilled the rest of the night. It was the perfect day off.

Day 5- Things You Want To Say To An Ex

Well, I don't have an ex. My husband was my one and only boyfriend. But, there were dudes that figured out that they would forever be in the friend zone so they stopped reaching out. So to those guys I guess I would insert the peace fingers emoticon and say, "Hope all is well...Deuces." 

Day 6- Views on Mainstream Music

There are two occasions where I listen to mainstream music: (1) when I'm at somebody elses house and I don't have a choice and (2) when I'm in a funky mood and I need to twerk it out. The rest of the time I am listening to neosoul, gospel or smooth r&b. 

I was a senior in college when I realized that the mainstream, popular urban hits were not for me. I had a one hour commute to school and became disgusted on many occasion and just rode in silence because I din't understand how people can wake up to Lil Wayne at seven in the morning. As I became a parent, I knew that what I introduced my children too was important to their upbringing and I knew that songs like "Lollipop" and "Get Low", AKA "To the windows, to the wall", were not songs I wanted my children to recite in preschool. 

Something happened where we lost all our integrity, hold nothing sacred and started creating a code for everything: "superman" and "watermelon" have taken on brand new meanings and it is just too much sometimes. I'll stick to my Neo Soul, Gospel and Smooth R&B.

Day 7- Five Pet Peeves

1. Wasted food- When my kids come home with uneaten lunches, it drives me crazy. 

2. Holey socks- there is nothing more uncomfortable than having your toe sticking out that hole in your sock all day, or when my kids have their entire heel sticking out of their socks. Even though I fuss about not having money to waste food, throw the sock away. We'll be alright. 

3. People who don't discipline their bad kids. This really needs no explanation, but if you know your child needs to be snatched up, don't bring them around me because my reflexes might kick in.

4. Bad drivers- I know my blood pressure goes up during my commute. People just can not drive. Here are a few things to consider. Do not drive slow in the fast lane. Do not switch lanes like you are having a seizure or other medical emergency. Do not do the most to get in front of me, then ride your brakes for 2 miles before you turn. Do not stare at me and think I'm going to be intimidated and let you in. I am opposed to road rage, but God ain't thru with me yet. This ain't what you want.

5. Liars- Once I catch you in a lie, you will forever be known as a liar and anything you say or do will be suspect. It's better for everyone involved just to be honest. 

Until next time!

Wishing you Love, peace and Soul Deep Beauty,

Rhonda

30 Day Writing Challenge Days 1-3

Source

So you all know how I am with these challenges (#EpicFailures) but, I'm a persistent person. I will keep trying until I get it right. So, I found this challenge via Pinterest and I figured I would give it a try.  So wish me luck on successfully completing this writing challenge.

Day 1: Five ways to win your heart.

My husband may not believe it but, I am very easy to please. He might not even realize it but, he won my heart simply by doing the following:
1. Make me laugh. Why? Because Laughter is good for the soul. I prefer comedies over chick flicks any day.
2. Be honest. I can't stand people who lie. It's an ugly habit and shows weakness.
3. Buy/ cook/ bring me food. No explanation necessary.
4. Be a good kisser. Again, this needs no explanation but, if you need one- a good kiss can make you forget your nightmares and relive your dreams. (I know, I'm deep.)
5. Keep your promises. Being able to follow thru on your word shows character and strength.

Day 2: Something you feel strongly about.

This is a very vague statement that can be interpreted many ways, but being in the social climate that we are in, I would say that I feel strongly about racial intolerance. I do believe that racism still exist. People who say, "I don't see color" are not helping the situation. I'd rather you say, "I see people of a differ color and I still respect them despite, and because of our differences." That would be more acceptable and let me know that you get it.

I also believe that other races will respect us more when we start to respect ourselves. I wrote a post about this some time ago. You can read it here.

Day 3: A book you love

As an avid reader, it's hard for me to just pinpoint one book that I love. But, the book that has given me the most guidance in recent years is Act Like a Success, Think Like a Success by Steve Harvey. His information was timeless and it got my gears going and inspired me to not give up after my business failed.




 Chime in! Do you have any input on any of today's topics? Or will you join in with me for the writing challenge? Share your blog info below.

Wishing you Love, Peace and Soul Deep Beauty,
Rhonda

Encouraging Daddy-Daughter Relationships

I'm proud to be a daddy's girl. My dad and I didn't always see eye to eye, especially when I came to the driving and dating age, but I could always count on him. When I was into sports, he was there for the games and the practices. He was in attendance for every recital and talent show, and he screened every boy who called the house. Before he passed away, he often gave me a heads up on men and how they act in marriage. Of course, he was right, so when things started to happen I was already prepared and was able to handle certain situations with a calm reserve. The advise he has given me through my lifetime has been immeasurable and I appreciate the relationship that we had. I could only hope that all girls get to have that relationship with their dads.

That's why I'm so glad that my daughter is a daddy's girl, too. Of course she's too young for deep life lessons, but the relationship that she and her dad share is setting the tone for the relationships she will have with men for the rest of her life. He understands the importance of it as well, and I was so proud of him when he took her to their first Daddy-Daughter Dance last week.

The week leading up to it he knew he had to do it right and wanted to not only show her a good time, but show her how a gentleman should treat a lady. They were dressed to the nines, he bought her a corsage (#DaddySwag) and actually did a little two step with her on the dance floor. (Believe me, that alone is huge for my slightly rhythmically challenged husband.) They both came back with big smiles on their faces, showing off pics and videos from the night.

I didn't even know that they still had events like this, but I'm glad that they do. This is one tradition that should never die. Dads all across the world should make it their mission to help nurture the relationships between their daughters. Your dad is supposed to be your protector, your teacher, your provider. Some would even say that your husband should reflect the relationship that you have with your dad.

So if he's was never present or active in your life, how do you know what to model that relationship on? There is no such thing as a perfect parent but, if you never even try to be that example in your child's life you've already failed.

Chime in! Do you believe that daddy-daughter bonds are important? What's the most memorable moment you've had with your dad?

Forever Loving my B.A.D.D. Kids,

Rhonda

Setting Goals With The Passion Planner

I am a goal orientated list maker. I have several small notebooks that I jot things down in, and to top that, I have sticky notes falling out of them of ideas I had when one of my 3 notebooks weren't available. I also use my notes app on my phone, but I'm a paper and pen type of girl at heart and to me, it means more when you write it by hand.

So obviously this time of year I'm usually putting my yearly planner away from the previous year and getting myself together for the upcoming months. Normally, I just buy a planner from Target or the $1 bin at Michaels, but this year I stumbled upon THE planner that has me feeling like I might just get my life together.

It's called the Passion Planner and it is the bomb dot com. I have had my nose in this planner every free second I've had and I am getting super excited just thinking about the year ahead.

So here's the deets.

- Instructions on how to use it to its best potential. Really? Instructions on how to write in a planner. Yes, because she (creator Angelia Trinidad) has the planner set up with a Passion Roadmap and Reflection Pages. 

- Monthly and Weekly Layouts. I love how  alongside the layouts there are quotes of inspiration, to do lists and plenty of space to obviously plan your passions.

-Several buying options. There are 2 different sizes and a few cover choices ranging in price from $24- $29.

passionplanner.com

-Also, for those of us who are financially challenged there is a FREE option! Yes, I said free. I chose this option as I already had a binder that I use for my blog planner so it worked out perfectly for me. Plus, I find it very hard to turn down anything that's free ninety-nine.

You may be asking yourself, "Why do I need a planner? I already know what I need to do." Yes, you do but without a concrete plan and setting small goals you will just be going around in circles. When you write your dreams and goals down, you set yourself up for success and make yourself accountable. If I don't do something that's in my planner, I can't blame anybody but me and it makes me work twice as hard to make sure I don't fail again. So do yourself a favor, go to passionplanner.com and order this planner. It is so worth the investment.

Wishing you Love, Peace and Soul Deep Beauty, 

Rhonda.

Skin and Hair Care Resolutions

We are in the 2nd week of a  new year and in true fashion I am taking this time to reflect and determine the things I want to do better in this upcoming year. I want to be better mind, body and soul and since I work daily on my soul and I focused on mind/life goals via my Passion Planner in my last post, I figure it's time to focus on body today.

I'm not saying my body is perfect, but I really don't focus on it like I used to. My curves are in all the right places and I physically feel good 80% of the time, but stress and bad habits have had my skin and hair suffering lately. With that being said, here are a few skin and hair care rules I plan to live by this year. 

I will wash my makeup off every night. Why is this so hard to do? Cause your girl be tired, but I will try my best.

I will drink water everyday. I don't think an explanation is necessary with this, it's just a healthy thing to do.

I will do more mole checks. Dark skin can get skin cancer too, so doing monthly checks on those new moles that keep popping up will pay off in the long run.

I will exfoliate twice a week. Nothing keeps that skin looking baby fresh like scrubbing that tough layer of rough skin off.

I will not become a product junkie. I repeat, I will not become a product junkie. Because of the way my bank account is set up, this shouldn't be a problem, but I still have to remind myself.

I will stress less. Easier said than done.

I will not pop my pimples. Again, easier said than done. Popping them makes them worse before they get better but it is so satisfying when you do. #struggles

I will always keep my eyebrows on fleek. Yaaasss!

I will continue knowing that what works for some may not work for me. And that's okay. All skin and hair was not created equal.

I will wash my hair more often. Once or twice every two weeks is my usual schedule. Anything past that and it's a mess to deal with.

Water will be my main moisturizer. Water is my friend.

I will wrap/ cover my hair nightly. Even if I do look like Aunt Jamima, I have to protect my hair at night. And for added protection, a satin pillowcase will help too.

I will learn the true meaning of protective styling. Braiding my hair up and not cleansing or moisturizing my scalp defeats the purpose.

I will stop being lazy. See above.

And most of all, I will love the skin I'm in and rock whatever texture grows out my head.

Those are my skin and hair care resolutions. What are yours?

Wishing you Love, Peace and Soul Deep Beauty,
Rhonda