Social Media Blackout- What I Learned

So, I am a couple weeks status post my social media blackout. I needed a time-out because I was feeling a certain kind of way about my life and I needed to find a way to change my attitude until I felt able to change my situation.

I have concerns about my personal life and the life of my future business. They both are on struggle mode at this point, so I had to make an effort to change that.

First thing, I needed to do was declutter. They say that you are a product of your environment and my surroundings were totally jacked up. So before I can even consider getting business ideas off the ground, I needed to clear out a whole bunch of stuff in my house and my mind. I started my physical declutter mission by going into my basement closet and I tossed clothes, shoes and purses that I don't use anymore. Most will go to Salvation Army, while some I plan on selling at a community garage sale my old neighborhood is having this summer. My bedroom was a hot mess as well, so after doing the most at IKEA, I got that together by reorganizing my hair and beauty products. 

Then it was time for the mental declutter. I had to rid my mind of the thoughts of failure. I had to stop thinking about my failed business as a total loss and use it as a learning tool. Now that I know what to do, and what not to do, I can set myself up for a better outcome. I also had to break down my business venture into smaller, attainable goals. And most of all, I had to stop comparing my life to others. Bow Wow taught us that the Instagram life ain't nothing but a front most of the time. And while I realize that social media is like a scripted reality show, I still had to remind myself that my life is good, too.

With all the extra time I had, I was able to complete two online courses. My kids were out of town, too, so hubby and I had fun trying out new places to eat. We did have to take a 10 hr road trip to rescue same kids, who were stranded with the family at a Kentucky gas station after the van broke down, but all went well after that.

My Ah-ha moment- I am very observant when it comes to my feelings and deal with them one of two ways. By totally ignoring that they exists, or dealing with them head on. So, I had a revelation- I realized that I have been so fearful of failing that I have failed to live. I don't ask friends and family if they want to hang out- out of fear that they'll bail on me and I'll be all up in my feelings about it. I haven't taken the steps to go back to school out of fear that I will get myself further in debt and spend several years just to hang a diploma on my wall and not work in that field. I haven't started my business out fear of doing like I did before- putting my all into it for a few years and spend all my savings just for it to fail. 

Then, what if I do succeed? What if I actually become the thing that I've always dreamed? So what is my problem? I'm not even comfortable or confident enough to succeed. The thing that I used to live and breath- I now run from. The thing that used to make me feel alive now makes me feel sick to my stomach because somewhere down the line I believed the lie that I told myself- that I wasn't good enough. I've been so uncomfortable with people thinking that I think I'm all that, that I forgot that in real life, I am. I am a published writer and make-up artist and was lucky enough to call the pages of a local magazine my home. I have owned my own business. I can learn a new creative skill in my sleep. I have a husband who is obsessed with me loves me. My kids are amazing in every way. I am beyond blessed and highly favored. There is not a request that I have made that God has not provided. 

So, I feel refreshed and mentally prepared to handle my life's challenges, all because I took a social media break. I suggest you reset every now and then and do the same.

Wishing you love, peace and Soul Deep Beauty,

Rhonda 

The truth about marriage, the skills needed for team stay together

To be in a successful marriage takes a particular set of skills. The list of skills run far and wide. Some of us are able to learn, adapt and apply these skills easier than others. Some of us have to be hog tied and gagged in order to understand the skill involved. Either way, anybody who thinks that marriage will be so simple is in denial. Marriage is work, but it's worth it. Here are just a few skills needed to stay on #Team Stay Together.

Communication- I can't say this enough. There are way too many ways to get your point across in today's day and age for there to be any confusion about how your spouse feels. Whether you say it, text it, email it, DM it, or write it subliminally in a post (although I don't recommend it), you better say how you feel when you feel it. There is nothing worse than letting everything build up and then the next thing you know, somebody gets put out over french fries. It can happen- true story.

Patience- It definitely is a virtue. Being able to show kindness while waiting on your partner is a true sign of love. It is not easy and it is a very valued skill in any relationship. Showing a great level of patience pays off in the end, and it shows your partner that they are worth waiting for.

Integrity- Why lie? Why be someone who I can't trust or count on? Really? I don't understand why grown people choose to lie, or tell half truths when they know they are going to get found out anyway. The tripped out part is that most times, if someone asks you a question straight out, they already know the truth. They are just trying to see how far you will go to keep it from them. So the first rule should be to not do anything that you need to lie about in the first place, but if you do, the second rule is to be honest, admit your wrong and try to work it out with your partner.

Sense of humor- They say that laughter is the best medicine, and that is definitely true when it comes to marriage. Laughing makes you feel good and it creates a bond between people. You want to aim to have the type of relationship that you can laugh about the argument the next day instead of getting mad about it all over again.

Positive Attitude- Who wants to be married to a Negative Nancy? Nobody. You want to be the type of spouse that can look to the bright side of any situation, someone who can motivate and uplift. And someone who is not considered a spirit killer. 

Confidence- We all have insecurities, but they have no place being in the forefront of marriage. You have to be able to exude confidence even when it's not an easy thing to do. Having confidence in yourself, confidence in your spouse and confidence in your marriage will help you along the way. 

Thick Skin- Conflict in a marriage is inevitable. Sometimes during conflict, things are done or said that may hurt your feelings. You have to believe that your spouses intentions were not to hurt you, so being overly sensitive will not help. 

Problem Solver- Problems come in many different shapes and sizes. Some are easy to solve and some seem to be irreparable. But, no matter the size of your situation you have to put your problem solver skills to the test daily from figuring out what's for dinner to figuring out how to pay all the bills on time and still have some left over for date night. You can make any challenge look like a quick fix when you are a natural at problem solving.

Unconditional Love- This should be a given, but often times people don't realize the depths of this type of love. Unconditional love means loving someone despite their flaws, despite them getting on your last natural nerve, despite them buying you the perfect anniversary gift. It means loving someone beyond the conditions you have unconsciously set up in your mind. That kind of love can get you through the hard times and it can make the work and struggle of marriage a little easier to bare.

So, now that you have been given some of the important skills needed to have a successful marriage, take them, work on them and actually use them to make your marriage work...good luck.

 

Wishing you Love, Peace and Soul Deep Beauty,

Rhonda

10 ways to raise independent children

It seems like every time I look at my children, they have grown somehow. Their shoes are too tight or jeans are either too long to be capris or too short to be pants. That lets me know that the inevitable is happening and they are growing up on me. As hard as it is too accept the fact that my babies are growing up, my husband and I have to do our duty and raise them in a way that will prepare them for adulthood. For me, that's making sure that they are able to make good, sound decisions.

So here are 10 ways to raise independent children.

1. Give them choices. My children pick out their clothes everyday. Now, I might give them guidelines or veto an outfit due to size, clashing colors or just "no" reasons, but I let them express themselves thru their choice of clothing.

2. Let them make their own lunches. I used to make the best lunches for my kids. There would be a protein, some fruit, veggies, a healthy snack and a fruit drink. My lunches were so bomb that I would get complements from their teachers- no lie- about how great they were and other parents should use me as an example. But, as good as they looked when I sent them to school, they would come back barely eaten when the kids got home. They didn't eat them, so I felt they would appreciate it more, or at least eat more if they made their lunch themselves.

3. Make them clean their own rooms. While I usually do a deep spring and fall cleaning of my kids room to get rid of old toys and clothes, they clean their own rooms majority of the time, including vacuuming and wiping the mirrors down.

4. Spend time with them. We have a family game night or movie night at least once a month. Right now our favorite game is Jenga Throw and Go, but our last movie night watching the latest Lego Movie ended with us all falling asleep. We saw Boss Baby at the theater, that was good though.

5. Be honest with them. I never want to give my kids the impression that they can't come to me for the truth. Even if I feel that a conversation is not age appropriate, I will let them know. I just tell them that they are not the right age yet, and when they are we'll talk. I've been able to dodge the birds and bees conversation so far with this line, but we graze the topic every now and then.

6. Have them help you cook. I often bring my kids in the kitchen to help me. We usually bake so that I can show them the difference between measurements and how to follow a recipe. We're still working on cracking eggs without making a mess, but we'll get there.  

7. Let them order their meals while out. Whenever we take our kids out to eat we have them order their own meals. To me, this teaches them decision making skills and basically how to talk to people in a public setting. I can't stand when I hear teenagers mumble their way thru life. It makes me want to scream- Speak up! And get some act right!

8. Reassure them that they have a voice and its important to be heard. This kind of piggy backs off of the previous statement that kids need to know that what they have to say is important to, as long as they are respectable of other people. During our family meetings, my kids have the opportunity to have the floor and give their opinion about a new rule or offer plans for the next family game night. This gives them confidence in voicing their opinion and lets them know that they are valued. We will not just disregard them because they're kids.

9. Stop negative talk. Have you ever done something so dumb, that you literally say it out loud to yourself, "Girl, you dumb"? Well, it was a small habit I had to break when I heard my kids doing the same. Even though I would only say it to myself as a reminder to get it together, I didn't want them to internalize it as truth. Everybody makes mistakes, but talking negatively about ourselves or others is not allowed. 

10. Love them  unconditionally. This should be a given, but as parents we have to remember to love our kids thru the good and the bad. Thru the laughs, the tears, the good or bad grades, the hugs and eye rolls, we have to help guide them with love. 

Bonus- Let them go. I'm selfish with my kids. After many years of arguing gentle persuasion, I finally let my kids travel without myself or my husband. They went down South for NINE DAYS and I am anxiously waiting for their return. I know that they are kind, smart, no nonsense kids and they always have angels watching over them, so they are going to be just fine. It just took me a while to realize that I could never put their true independence to the test without giving them an experience to use it.  

So shout out to all the parents who are raising their kids to be independent, and may the odds be ever in your favor.

Forever Loving my B.A.D.D. Kids,
Rhonda

The social media black-out experiment

 

Once upon a time in my life I suffered from depression. I didn't know what it was until well after I was on the other side of it. I just thought I was in a funk- for 8 months. I figured the feelings of loneliness and hopelessness was just a part of life and it would pass. I tossed away my unexplained weight loss to the fact that I was just busy, but I knew deep down inside something wasn't quite right.

How I got over that hurdle took time, prayer, forgiveness and a whole lotta self reflection. Looking at your true self past all the layers of the person I portray at work or with family and friends is not an easy task. Trying to figure out who I am really and am I happy with this person is daunting at best. I'm also trying not to fall back into those habits of feeling sorry for myself because I failed at something (or a few things) or I get caught up in the "what ifs" of life. 

Because I am a person who is forever making goals and seldom achieving them, I stay in a reparative cycle of happy, then sad. I also have an obsessive obnoxious fear of missing out- on parties, vacations, life in general. I hate that feeling of sitting at home doing nothing while everyone else is out having fun. Don't get it twisted. My life is full and I am extremely blessed. I just know that I wanted more for my life and being reminded of what I didn't get to experience has me all up in my feelings recently so I know I need to take a break. Just because I am a loner doesn't mean I want to forever be alone and it sure doesn't mean that I don't want to be invited. There is a fine line between being alone and being lonely and lucky for me I am observant enough now to know what my triggers are before crossing over that line.

Social media is a blessing and a curse. On one hand, it's how I keep up with my family and friends and it's how I find out about a lot of the social events going on in Detroit. Even the last couple of parties I've gone to were via FB invite. The curse is seeing everybody and their Mama at the concert or on the dream vacation that I couldn't afford to go on. While I'm happy for them, I get angry with myself for not planning my money better or whatever the circumstance may have been to make me miss out. 

I am taking a social media time out to reflect on me, my family, my goals and my own plans for the future and it needs to be unfiltered and untainted by what I see on the internet. I ask myself all the time, how many success stories are you going to see before you create your own? 

How many success stories are you going to see before you create your own?

So here's what I need to figure out: how long will my social media black out be, what sites are included and what's the end game. 

How long: I feel anxious just typing this, but I'm thinking 2 weeks to start. I will allow myself 2 cheat days to just "observe" the upcoming events for 15 min per site. (Yes, I have thought about this is detail.)

What sites are included: Of course Twitter, Facebook and Instagram are included. The site that I'm on the fence about is Pinterest. Although I use it for inspiration, it too can suck time out of my day because I become obsessed with starting new projects.

What's the end game: I need to hit the reset botton. I feel myself entering dangerous territory in regards to my self-care and well being. My goal is to gain clarity for what I want to accomplish this year and actually put into motion what I need to do instead of getting in my own way.

So here's to my social media black out. Wish me luck.

Wishing you Love, Peace and Soul Deep Beauty,

Rhonda

P.s. With all the extra time I'll have on my hands, you may see more blog posts from me. They automatically upload to my social media sites, so it's not me cheating 🙂.

Why people are confused about feminism

I almost spit out my morning coffee Tuesday morning when I saw Amber Rose's pic. You know the one- where she was all greased up, laying on some stairs with her "lady hot pocket" on display. If you haven't seen it, you can ask my girl Google, she has plenty of versions for your viewing. Be careful though, it is NSFW (not safe for work.) Then of course, in true internet fashion, Instagram models from across the globe had to create/partake in the Amber Rose challenge by taking plants, leaves and faux furs and placing them strategically to resemble a hairy hot pocket. I got a lot of facial exercise that day as my eyebrows danced and my lips twisted in mere confusion.

I had questions. Ok, so why is she doing this? Why would anybody do this? I figured she was just trying to break the internet like Kim K was when she had that very unflattering greased up picture of her behind balancing a glass. But, when I read somewhere that she was doing this as a feminist and to empower women, I was even more confused because when I saw her nakedness, I did not think feminist. 

Now the Merriem-Webster dictionary defines feminism as the "theory of the political, economic and social equality of the sexes". Over the years, it has also been tied to the belief that government should not be able to tell a woman what to do with her body in regards to abortion rights and it is loosely responsible for the term "body shaming". Because of this term, it is finally unacceptable to judge a woman based on the shape of her body.

While I believe and totally support equal pay, equal rights and the right for a woman to choose what's medically best for her, I'm still not sure if I can wear the feminist lapel pin. I still believe in chivalry and that men should hold open doors and give up seats to women in gentlemanly fashion. And if I see another woman propose to a man, I will continue to roll my eyes in protest. Those things alone may take me off the list. So if I, a woman who writes about women and has a business that supports women is confused at what is truly means to be a feminist, I can see why people may confuse her efforts as a feminist movement.

I can't knock her hustle though. Amber Rose went  from stripper to video vixen, to a rappers girlfriend, to another rapper's ex-wife, turned entrepreneur and talk show host. I mean, the girl made a come up and I'm not mad at that. She coined the term "slut shaming" and started an annual Slut Walk to fight against it. Her supporters would say that they feel empowered by walking the streets of LA, scantily clothed as a group, letting people know that just because they are strippers or dress provocatively, they should not be treated with disrespect. I'm not mad with that either. But, lets just call it what it is. And let's all just admit that the  hashtag bring back the bush picture (her words, not mine) was just used for shock value and to create buzz about the next Slut Walk.

So here's more questions. Other than to demote slut shaming, what is the purpose of the Slut Walk? Is money raised to support other feminist movements or groups? Did they wear "I'm With Her" shirts to support our female candidate last year? Did they walk in their stilettos and fishnets down to local government offices and demand equal pay for women? Did any of the funds go toward Planned Parenthood? Unfortunately, because the way my life is set up I don't have the time or follow-thru to put my investigative journalism hat on to answer these questions, but I am going to say that there is a good chance that the answer to these questions is "no." So if that's the case, can we really call this a feminist movement?

Again, I support any woman who wants to put an end to body shamming and wants women to be proud and confident in themselves. But, in this world of over sharing I don't think that showing your naked body is the way to go. There are so many ways to be tasteful on these here internets and to promote positive body image. That wasn't it. Katie Hopkins, who is a writer for DailyMail.com said it best when she advised Amber Rose by saying, "Command attention with your clothes on. Save your naked skin for eyes you can look into." If that ain't a message that all young women need to hear, I don't know what is.

While Amber Rose's self confidence and positive body image leaves nothing for the imagination, for me she does not represent a symbol of empowerment. What are your thoughts? Did she go too far, or do I have it all wrong?

Wishing you Love, Peace and Soul Deep Beauty,
Rhonda

Love and Marriage: Marriage Advice for #TeamStayTogether

This is a re-post, originally posted on April 24th, 2015. Enjoy!

As my husband and I come up on our 10th Anniversary, I can't help but think about our relationship when we first started out as newlyweds. We were the first of our friends to get married and all we had to go on was instinct and the advise of our parents and grandparents. Did we listen to them all, of course not, but I still wanted to share a few that are definitely worth sharing and incorporating into your relationship. #TeamStayTogether can be challenging, so I'm doing my part to keep hope alive.

1. Don't go to bed angry. It took me a long time to get with the program on this one. I thought there were only 2 options: 1- stay up to un-holy hours of the night arguing talking to my husband till we worked it out or 2- just shut it down and be mad that night and again all morning the next day. Then one day I realized that my beauty sleep and my sanity had taken too much of a beating and I learned 8 magical words: "We gone have to agree to disagree. Good-night." Will we discuss it the next day, probably. Will I worry about it at 10 o'clock at night- nope.

2. Kiss everyday. There is research out there somewhere that shows that kissing is good for you. It releases those feel good endorphins, amps up the romance and helps remind you of the reason you got together in the first place. You may not have time, or privacy for those teen-age makeout sessions, but make sure you smooch it out with your sweetie.

3. Don't sweat the small stuff. Don't nobody have time to argue over every little thing. Yes, I know you have asked your man a thousand times to replace the bag when he takes the trash out (one of my pet peeves), but when he doesn't don't trip. Just continue throwing the garbage in the can as if he did, so the next time when he has to empty and clean the can out, he'll make sure he replaces that bag. It's a little passive aggressive, but it beats fussing about it again. I'm just saying.

4. Say I love you everyday. I am not a very affectionate person. Don't know why, I'm just not, but it wasn't until I got married that I realized how much weight these 3 little words really carry. We can get on each other's last good nerve, not talk all day and roll our eyes when the other person talks, but at the end of the day "I love you" pretty much means that all is forgiven and everything is all right.

5. The 80/ 20 Rule for Relationships. Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married put me up on this rule saying that in most healthy relationships, we only get 80% of what we want and it's in that search for the 20% that either drives us crazy or causes people to stray. Remembering that life is not perfect, and neither is your spouse will help you get things back into perspective.

6. Forgive and forget. It's nothing worse than having what I like to call the "forever" argument. This is when couples who have been together forever start bringing up stuff that happened forever ago just to make a point. You may have forgiven, but with that you have to at least pretend that you forgot. We are no longer allowed to bring up things that happened pre-marriage, pre-kids or pre-marital counseling. We try our best not to bring up things that happened last week, let alone last year. You know that you have truly forgiven someone when you don't use it and throw it up in their face.

7. Learn to live in the grey area. I can be very cut throat at times: you're either right or wrong, you're going to do it, or not do it, I either like you or I don't. I don't leave much room for interpretation. So, I had to learn that with marriage, everything isn't always black and white, we will not always agree, we will not always get along, there may be times where we just can't get it together. But, it's in those moments, when we are pushed to our limits that our faith in each other is tested and we come out the other end stronger than when we started.

Those are my tips, please share yours.

Forever Loving My B.A.D.D. Kids (and my Husband),
Rhonda

My natural hair routine- wash day

 

Don't you hate when you watch a YouTube hair tutorial and they say "oh, I'm gonna show you this simple wash routine," and then they proceed to use 6 or 7 products during the video? Well, I'm probably going to do the same thing. Sorry, but as much as I've tried to simplify my routine and life, I have to listen to my hair cause she can be down right savage if I don't treat her right.

So, this is my fail proof hair care routine for my wash days.

 

1. Pre-poo and detangle. 

I choose to put a protein/ cholesterol treatment or hair mask on my hair prior to shampooing for two reasons- one my hair usually needs it since I only wash it once every 1-2 weeks and two, once I'm out the shower there is no going back in to rinse anything out. Ain't nobody got time for that.

So I spray my hair down with water and aloe Vera juice and distribute my treatment, which right now is Queen Helene's, an oldie but a goody. As I distribute I gently detangle with my fingers and twist up about 10-12 sections in my head and let it sit for 20-30 minutes.

2. Shampoo and condition.

Yes, I shampoo. My hair wants no parts of a co-wash (using conditioner as a wash) situation. While my hair is still twisted up, I rinse the treatment out and shampoo my hair still in sections. Why do I do that? Because the main point of shampooing is to cleanse the scalp and its easier for me to get to my scalp when hair is still parted. Current shampoos in rotation are Shea Moisture and Cream of Nature, while I mini-deep condition with Beautiful Textures.


3. Styling.
After my hair has been washed and conditioned, I put my current leave-in staple- Shea Moisture Black Jamaican Castor Oil Leave-in and seal it in with more Jamaican Black Castor Oil with Amla, which is good for the scalp. My styling technique does change from week to week, depending on my mood. I like to do different things to my hair but, my go-to style is a flat twist and curl. Using either Elasta QP's Design Foam or my homemade flaxseed gel (recipe below), I flat twist my hair upwards in the front and down in the back and secure it with gray perm rods. I sleep in them overnight, or wear a scarf while running errands during the day, and take down and fluff when they are dry.

 Flax Seed Gel Recipe
1. 2 cups boiling water in saucepan. Add 1/4 cup whole flaxseeds. Boil until white film is floating on top of pan, approximately 5-8 minutes.
2. Strain into mason jar or other heat proof container. Let cool for about 2 minutes.
3. Add 4-5 capsules of Vitamin E and 5-6 drops of essential oil of choice. I use lavendar and lemon grass. Stir with wooden spoon or stick. Store in refrigerator, should last 3-4 weeks.

I hope my routine wasn't too overwhelming for any newbies that may be reading this, but the important thing to remember with natural hair is to just do what your hair likes. Sometimes you know right away when a product doesn't work and sometimes products that used to work loose it's power factor once your hair gets used to it. Do you have any staple products your think I should try?
































Wishing you Love, Peace and Soul Deep Beauty,
Rhonda

 

What is your problem with my natural hair?

I have been natural since 2005, and have been wearing my natural texture "full time" since 2010. And even though I have had much success and favor when it comes to my style and how my hair fits me, I did run into some backlash every now and then from people who did not understand why I would wear my hair like this. 

 

In the early stages of my natural hair journey, I offered no explanation because my mouth wasn't fully saved yet and I didn't have words that would not offend peoples ignorance. But, in recent years I have learned how to explain that I feel relaxing my hair is not necessary. Up until 2005, I only relaxed my front edges and the nape of my neck, better known as "the kitchen" twice a year. And up until 2010, I would wear what is now known as a twist out via flat twisting my hair between that hard press my beautician would lay. I also found, through getting my esthetician license, the purpose and effectiveness of product absorption thru the hair folicles and I know that relaxers are not something I want absorbed into my body. 

I also decided that I was done fighting with my hair and I was going to let it do what it do without me having to press and flat iron every two weeks. That's not to say that I just get up and go. True naturalistas know that this natural hair thing is not for the weak at heart. There is also a misconception that natural hair is unkept or dirty, but I promise you, any natural you know washes her hair on the regular and is trying every twist out and updo she sees. Our hands are in our heads manipulating our hair daily, unless in a protective style.

So when I hear about my natural hair sisters being harassed at school or on their jobs, it upsets me. For a black female to be told she can't wear her hair the way it naturally grows out of her head is ridiculous. I've heard of this hair hate during slavery, when they were forced to wear head scarves to discourage them from wearing braids from their culture, or to make them feel inferior because their hair was thick and wooly. But, this is 2017. Why does my hair still threaten you?

When little black girls are told that the way the hair grows out of their heads is wrong, or a distraction, I have an issue with that. When a grown black woman is told that her natural hair is not professional, I have an issue with that. When any textured hair individual is ridiculed by their own people of color, it's a problem and it shows how deeply rooted hair hate is. But, when today's melanin challenged celebrities wear these same hair styles, it's trendy. The issues I have with this are many.

Luckily, when it comes to the acceptance of natural hair, there are others who feel the same way and they have decided to take a stand on this ignorant, failed undercover attempt at hair hate. 

•Last year a natural hair ban was lifted at a Kentucky school after parents and students protested against it.

•A school in Florida had to re-write their dress code after parents became outraged by the ban on "dread like hair", which exposed a straight A, sixteen year old student with course hair.

•Parents were also outraged when two sisters were banned from prom and given detention daily for refusing to remove their braids at a Massachusetts high school. According to reports, they marched all black students down to the office daily for hair checks, where students were asked if the braids they wore were their real hair or extensions.  Which begs the question, if you can't tell, why does it matter. 

•That school was ordered by the Anti-Defemation League and the state's Attorney General to stop the harassment of these black and mixed race kids.

With it now being legal for employers to discriminate against dread loc'ed individuals, the fight for natural hair in the workplace is becoming more frequent. If you are having issues with rocking your natural at work, there is a resource for you.  This book written by LA attorney, Tracy Sanders titled, "Natural Hair in the Workplace: What Are Your Rights?" I haven't ordere it yet, but I plan on it as you can tell by my saved Amazon picture.

 

For decades society has constantly tried to tell us that our natural hair wasn't pretty. That we needed to cover it up, wear a wig, weave it up, relax it, press it, anything but wear it the way it grows out of our heads. When women started wearing fros in the 60's, they were seen as rebels and trouble makers. That's why several years ago when the natural hair community started growing at expenetal rates, the movement couldn't be stopped. Natural women across the globe started telling their friends, family, boyfriends, bosses and society to go have a stadium full of seats if they had something to say about their hair. 

Now don't get it twisted, I believe in the change up and I love me a cute wig or Yonce' weave every now and then. But, when I just want to be me in all my natural, happy I'm nappy glory, I don't want to be ridiculed for loving my hair the way that it grows. Be free queen. 

That's my two cents. What's yours?

Wishing you Love, Peace and Soul Deep Beauty,

Rhonda 

Girl, let it go

 

When I tell y'all that God has been working on me the past few week-ends, I mean it. I feel physically and mentally drained from fighting against myself. But, since  I am absolutely sure that there's a blessing in the pressing I will continue to press on. 

Here's a little back ground. For the past few months my husband and I have been arguing like clockwork every Friday evening and basically ruining the whole weekend for everybody. I mean, it had been without fail. If we managed to slide thru Friday night unharmed, Saturday morning had something waiting on us. Why? Who knows. What would we argue about? Everyhing. Was it worth arguing about? Of course not. I remember one day being all hot and bothered and was waiting for him to come back home so I could give him a piece of my mind and for the life of me I couldn't even remember what I was originally mad about. That's when I realized it wasn't nothing but the devil.

I live for the weekends, especially Friday's and Saturday's because those would be our date nights. But, who wants to spend quality time with someone they arguing with? Not I. 

Lucky for me, I stumbled upon a book that was featured on the Bible app and it has been opening my eyes to the myths that we think are true about marriage and how to come to terms with dispelling them.

In addition to that, my church has started their Fight For The Family teachings again and they had a couple come in and tell their story at bible study. Listening to their story, I left really inspired to make my marriage work. Now, we are and always will be on #TeamStayTogether, but I had kind of excepted our relationship the way it was. In all transparency, sometimes it was just miserable. 

So I made the decision to just let it go. This is a hard thing for me y'all. I can not- not say what I am feeling. I tried it, it don't work. I am adult enough to admit that the reason why it doesn't work most of the time is because I'm not just trying to make a point, I'm trying to make THE point of all points in time. Ok, there I said it. But, I was determined to pass the test this time. 

I will admit, I failed the first time though. Long story short my husband popped a pimple on my sons forehead. Fact #1. This was his first pimple. Fact #2. I bought him a whole skin care line of stuff to start taking care of his face because I saw it coming. Why? Fact #3. I am a licensed skin care professional, hence the blog and former business. So I felt a certain kind of way about it. And in true Rhonda fashion I had to address it. That conversation went something like this:

Me: Why you do that to his face? You could have asked me about it first.

 

Him: If I want to pop a pimple on my son face, I'm gone pop a pimple on his face

 

.

Me: .....

 

Him: .....

 

After a 20 minute discussion, we finally concluded that all I was asking for was a little communication. 

If you come to a peaceful conclusion, that's called winning. Lol.

 

Most of the time when an argument happens over something so small and trivial, it's usually about a deeper situation. This one happened to be about the lack of communication, but instead of me going from zero to 100, I've been asking myself what I'm really mad about and if it's really worth the argument. 

I'm still a work in progress. Pray for me, y'all. 

What is something you struggle with in your marriage?

Wishing you Love, Peace and Soul Deep Beauty, 

Rhonda

My Myers Briggs personality type

 

A few weeks ago I was obsessing on Pinterest like I often do, and I stumbled across a pin that talked about the Myers Briggs personality types and I was intrigued. I read about a few of the types and it didn't take me long to do a self analysis and figure out which one fit me.   

It was developed as a way to see how people perceive the world and make decisions. It is often used as a team building or self improvement excersise and since

I always to consider myself a work in progress, I decided to give it a go. 

So there are countless amounts of free online tests that you can take, just ask my homegirl Google (yes, she's a female cause we women know everything.) But, I decided to just answer based on the information I saw. 

There are 4 parts to it. The first part is about your interaction with the world: Do you consider yourself to be an introvert or an extrevert? Introverts prefer to work alone or in small groups, where as extroverts love to be around a lot of people.

Introverts also focus on their thoughts, or inner world more. 

Introverts chose- I. Extroverts choose- E.

Part 2 is about how you absorb information. Intuitives can gather imformation, interpret with meanings and give it many possibilities. Sensory people use fact and details and see it as common sense.

Intives choose- N. Sensory choose- S.

Part 3 is about how you make decisions. Feelers make decisions based on how they feel. Thinkers make decisions based on logic. 

Feelers choose- F. Thinkers choose- C.

Part 4 relates to structure. Judgers tend to be organized and results orientated. Perceivers are multi taskers  and like to keep their options open. 

Judgers choose- J. Perceivers choose- P.

There are 16 available personality types and I determined that I am an INTP personality with the cheat sheet below. 

 
Nicknamed "The Professor", INTP's are inventive thinkers that thrive on being creative and unique. They make up only 3% of the population, according to my research and they are known for being honest, direct and intelectually curious. On the flip side, they are are also known as withdrawn, emotionally detached, and tend to second guess themselves so much that most of their projects never see the light of day.

Here are some other traits that INTP's have:

• Quiet and contained
• Analytical 
• Laid back
• Imaginative
• Explosive 
• Distrusting of others 
• Happier as freelancers and entrepreneur 

Oh my gosh, this is me. I had always wondered why I  would research something into the ground, come up with a good idea and then never follow thru. Or why I can pick out a lie with facts and details pulled and filed from previous conversations. Or why I have that "I got nothing" look whenever I'm put in a situation that would normally require emotions. It all makes sense to me now.

Of course, not all the descriptions are completely accurate, but it's interesting to know that there is a method to the madness. If you would like to learn about you personality type, please click here for more info. 

That's my personality type, what's yours?

Wishing you Love, Peace and Soul Deep Beauty,

Rhonda